All too often innocent people are being lit on fire, be it by a stranger or someone they’ve known for a long time. Whether you believe that arsonists are the result of poor parenting or simple genetics, there is no denying that all of us have the urge deep within our hearts to light people on fire. Here are the top five ways to avoid being lit on fire while out and about.
Don’t Wear Provocatively Flammable Outfits
It’s pretty obvious that if you dress like tinder you’re going to get treated like tinder–nothing telegraphs “easy target” to a potential firestarter like the wrong kind of outfit. Wearing easily combustible cotton fibers, dry denim, or bright, fire-suggestive colors like red and orange draw pyrophillic attention and gets the wheels turning in their heads. Stop wearing an invitation and try something more elegant and flame-retardant, like chain mail leggings or a blob of wet wool.
Clearly State Your Expectations
On paper, nobody should be set ablaze without consent. But it’s sometimes difficult or uncomfortable for flame-makers to ask head on, and all too easy to misinterpret or mix signals. That’s why it’s so important to tell the people around you that you do not want to be set on fire. How are they supposed to know if you don’t say anything? Besides, it’s a little weird to say something after the fact if you didn’t have the wherewithal to say something before.
Moderate Your Substance Use
Alcohol is one of the most flammable substances there is–drinking it to excess can be easily be interpreted by potential arsonists and Fox News as consent to be burnt. Despite repeated stories in the news about people getting blackout drunk at parties and finding themselves in gang-flame situations, the same mistakes keep getting made over an over. Remember: if you can’t handle yourself responsibly, then you are responsible for what happens to you, especially if that means getting lit on fire by a college debate team or your coworkers at the Christmas party.
Prepare for Self-Defense
Sure, the pipe dream of a world where people can live their lives without the constant fear of being lit on fire is a grand one. But in the meantime if you aren’t prepared it’s kind of like what did you think was going to happen? Take a fire-prevention class, always travel with a buddy, and always, always carry at least a 5 lb. ABC fire extinguisher. Most potential arsonists are easily deterred, but getting lit on a fire is just part of the reality we live in.
Just Say Yes
If all else fails, just consent to being lit on fire at the last second. Then it doesn’t count!
At the end of the day, it will always be easier for victims to prevent themselves from catching fire than it will be to educate people at an early age to not light people on fire.
Hopefully now that you’re armed with these tips you won’t be next!