some of my favorite silly plotlines from Scottish ballads
Small village thinks illicit whiskey stills are its biggest problem until raiders show up and trash their everything. Death, destruction, etc. Raiders find whiskey still, get lit, pass out. Villagers murder them. Peace restored. Whiskey is king.
Shepherd lad spots fair maid skinny-dipping. Fair maid pleads for her virtue and/or clothing. Shepherd lad is complete gentleman, escorts her home with clothing and virtue intact. Fair maid demands to know what she has to do to get laid around here.
Plucky heroine’s boyfriend goes to sea, fails to return.
Plucky heroine dresses in drag and goes to find him. Plucky heroine discovers
boyfriend happily married to someone else. Plucky heroine shoots his head right
Do Not Stop By The Local Weaver’s House, You Will Get So
Pregnant, Like, Super Pregnant, I’m Not Kidding, This Has Been A Public Service
Wealthy farmwife habitually searches her maidservants’ dorm
for SIGNS OF MEN out of concern for their virtue. Maids less concerned for
their virtue are having None Of It. Maids hide scarecrow in dorm, farm mistakes
scarecrow for prowler, farmwife decapitates scarecrow. Farmwife believes
herself a murderer. Maids now permitted to do as they please, virtue-wise.
Idiot son sent to market to sell cow. Scheming lass seduces
idiot son out of cow, pants, and even shoes.
Dad returns from business trip to find daughter Super
Pregnant, demands to meet the man responsible. Dad takes one look at man
responsible and tells daughter “okay, you’re off the hook, I would have banged
Handsome stranger bribes fair maid to leave town with him.
Fair maid rejects various bribes until handsome stranger flat-out offers her
money, which she accepts. Handsome stranger turns out to be, to no one’s great
surprise, the actual devil. Fair maid regrets her life choices.
Gallant knight goes forth to slay dragon. Dragon eats knight, but has indigestion.
ETA: If anyone has been reblogging this and wants to know what the songs are, here is the list! Or if you’re too lazy to click things, The Devil Uisge Beatha + Shepherd Lad + Billy Taylor + Tae The Weaver’s Gin Ye Go + The Straw Man + Cow Song + Willie Winsbury + The Devil’s Courtship + Sir Eglamore
The Night Court - Inner Circle ~ The court of dreams
“The people who knew that there was a price, and one worth paying, for that dream. The bastard born warriors, the Illyrian half breed, the monster trapped in a beautiful body, the dreamer born into a court of nightmares. And the huntress with an artist’s soul.”
living in a point-and-click/hidden object game must be so wild like
want to go to the shop to buy some milk? Okay just hop in the car.
you’ve lost your car keys.
look around for them, but they’re nowhere to be found. you’ve recently found
there’s a mouse living in your house and you saw it holding something shiny
earlier. maybe its got your car keys? so you go to lure it out with some
cheese. except you don’t have any cheese in your fridge. so you go over to your
neighbour’s house and ask if you could borrow a little bit of cheese. they say
yeah but they need to find their handkerchief first. it’s gone missing and they
simply must have it. after some looking you spot it caught on a
telephone wire. your neighbour has a ladder but most of the rungs are broken.
so you go to the forest and gather up some wood. while there, you meet another
neighbour who’s lost their favourite necklace, and asks you to tell them if you
see it. there’s an a abandoned shed in the wood and in it you find a rusty old
hammer. there are nails, but they’re bent and rusty. so then you scout
around your house, your neighbours house, the wood, the shed, and your otherneighbours house, and collect up some random shards to metal that are just
back to your first neighbour’s house and fix the ladder with the rusty hammer
and random metal shards
the (dubiously-fixed) ladder, you get their hankie from the phone line. the
moment you’re back on the ground, the ladder breaks but who gives a fuck
because you got the handkerchief. you give the hankie to your neighbour,
they give you the cheese. you go and put the cheese outside a mousehole. the
mouse comes out
holding a marble.
drops the marble, and you pick it up.
outside, and there’s a kid searching around. they lost their favourite marble,
but they found this nice necklace. you give the kid the marble. they give you
back to the woods. your necklace-neighbour isn’t there. you go to their house.
they’re not there. you go to the handkerchief neighbour’s house. not there.
your house. not there. eventually you find them in some ignorable part of the
map that has had no relevance to now and will have no relevance again.
give the neighbour the necklace.
claim they found your car keys out in your drive.
you can go to the shop and get some milk
home. read a specific piece of paper to get the code to your garage, and
collect three keys.
the keys and the code, you open your garage.