I am about to go to sleep but I just need to get this off my chest.

I’m a nobody. I’m nothing special. I come from a small town in New York. I go to college. There is nothing remotely special about me. The only thing I want in my life is to impact someone’s life in a good way. That is all I ever wanted for as long as I could remember. 

Over the years there were many people who influenced me. None of them impacted me like Sebastian Stan. Maybe it is because he lives in New York, like me. Maybe its because of how he came to America. Maybe it’s because he seems like a really positive and go lucky person. He is different from other actors. At least for me. 

And I want to do something for him. Hence why I am making the book for him. Yet, I feel like I am wasting my time. I have some submissions (Which I am beyond thankful for. Everyone who sent something in holds a special place in my heart). But I still feel like no one cares. No one wants to be a part of it because I am not a “big popular blog”. That hurts. It upsets me. A lot.  I just want to do something for an actor who does so much for his fans. I just want to cheer him up if he has a bad day. I really just want him to know how much he means to all of us. How much every single one of us appreciates him. That we respect him and support him. That we don’t take anything he does for granted.

I don’t expect or want anything in return. I don’t need anything in return. 

Yet, I feel like everything is pointless because I am not a big blog. I don’t have enough followers to make him something “nice”. Maybe I am being to hard on myself. Maybe I expected to much. Had too much expectations. Who knows? But it sucks that I can’t make him what he deserves. 

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YO SO THE SCENE IN CAP 2 WHERE STEVE AND NAT ARE AT CAMP LEHIGH AND THE PLACE GETS BOMBED SKY HIGH WITH THEM INSIDE WAS ORIGINALLY INTER CUT WITH STEVE’S MEMORIES OF CRASHING THE VALKYRIE I WANT TO DIE THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

cap 2 could have fucked me up even more than it already did: the blog