Butterfly-Project

*obviously not mine* I’m coming up for a tough week, and I don’t know how I’m going to deal with everything. And as the butterfly project didn’t help me either, I’m gonna give this a try. I don’t care if this gets 1 reblog or 100 reblogs, I care about you all, and I know some people on here very personally, and they’ve all helped me through these last 8 months, but I just need a little extra to get me through this last week. Thank you

The Rules are:
1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on your arm or hand. 
2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
3. You must let the butterfly fade naturally. NO scrubbing it off.
4. If you cut before the butterfly is gone, you’ve killed it. If you dont cut, it lives.
5. If you have more than one butterfly, cutting kills all of them.
6. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them.
7. Even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support. If you do this, name it after someone you know that cuts or is suffering right now, and tell them. It could help.

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Okay soo… A few weeks back i sent an artist on Instagram who i really looked up to a photo of my arm which i drew a lot of butterfly’s on one day some of you may know of the butterfly project but yeah. Anyways she replied and she DREW that amazing art work! I was always afraid to show this image on social net work sites but seeing all the beautiful things everyone had written on the image made me see that not everything in the world is against you.
Sorry..

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So I went to Comic-Con in Atlanta today. I got to meet Karen Gillen. I saw her and started crying. My dad went and paid for the ticket to meet her. I walked up to her crying. She looked at me, rubbed my arm, and asked me if I was okay. The only words I could get to come out were “I’m sorry. I just love you so much.” I told her about my self harm issues and asked her to draw a butterfly on my arm for the butterfly project. She agreed. My dad stayed behind to tell her what the butterfly was for. She called me back over and hugged me, tears in her eyes, and said “You are too beautiful to do this to yourself.” She is my role model. I love her so much. This is the butterfly she drew.

Self harm needs to be talked about out loud.

I first started self harming when I was 11. Initially it was cutting. I lied and told anyone who asked that they were cat scratches, and as I got older people stopped buying that excuse. As I got into my teenage years, I started to purge. Not to lose weight, but to self harm in a different way. Thats when it began to spiral out of control.

Last September, I tried to kill myself. Before doing so, I cut up my whole arm. My parents found me and immediately took me to the ER. One of my cuts was so deep it had to be stapled shut, now I am covered in big ugly scars all over that arm. But that was the last time I cut. I am 5, almost 6 months clean from self harm and I couldn’t be prouder. 

If anyone feels alone, if anyone feels like no ones going to understand you, they’ll think you did this to yourself just because, or you’ll feel judged- you are not alone. Self injury is an extremely common and understated thing, and the less it is talked about out loud, the more ignorant people are to the topic. So talk. Begin to spread awareness and help out those who need it. We all need eachother, and there is a better tomorrow. I promise. 

Close your eyes and have someone read this to you.

Imagine you are at college. You see a former classmate walking up to you. One that you used to bully. Flashes of the past race through your mind. They confront you. They tell you you are a horrible person. That you disgust them.

Imagine you’re at the movies on a date. All of a sudden you notice your ex heading towards you. You know you did some bad things in the relationship. You were a different person then. They tell you that you will never change. You will always be that person. That you disgust them.

Imagine your band’s twitter account just reached 20 million followers. Your scrolling through your feed and you notice a tweet from your “competition.” It says that you didn’t even work hard to get where you are. That you can’t sing. That you disgust them.

Imagine you’re at a basketball game. You’re playing at the visiting teams stadium. The crowd cheers wildly for their home team but as a foul is inflicted on your team, sighs fill the room. You are handed the ball to make a free throw. The second the rough ball touches your fingertips the stadium fills up with a loud booing. You step up to the line all alone, knowing everyone is watching you. You try to ignore the crowd but you hear someone yelling. They say why do you even play, you’re no good. They say that you can’t make the shot. That you disgust them.

Now imagine you are one of these people.

You go home from the basketball game, your date, college, or a band meeting.

You go home and open the door wearily. You sit on your couch and collapse into tears.

You scream. You clutch a pillow in your hands and hold it against yourself. You tell yourself that they are right.

You see everyone has cried at one point in their lives.

That old lady that waves to you every morning on the bus has broken down in tears because of something someone has said to her.

That kid who used to bully you cries because of the mistakes they’ve made.

That musician that’s made some poor decisions has cried because they saw that one comment.

So before you say anything to a person, the first time you meet them, imagine them at your lowest.

Imagine yourself crying and screaming from hurt and then imagine that person doing the same.

Why would you want to hurt someone who is feeling just a crap as you are?

Its not quite finished, buuut. This tattoo has so many hidden meanings. She got hers because; the man on the moon represents my dad passing away, &the fact instead of me catching on to him being dead I always said he lived on the moon. &its also going to match a tattoo I’m going to have on my back for him. Hes holding a four leaf clover because that was one of his biggest representations. The swing is being held by a weeping willow tree, because both mom and I share that same favorite tree. There’s a mermaid sitting on a swing (looking up at the moon of course) because I love swinging, &mermaids remind her of me. Now my half; I have a heart shaped dreamcatcher because right before I moved out I started having terrible nightmares, but was never home to be able to sleep under the same dreamcatcher. So mom took it under her wing to learn how to make them so she could make me necklaces with dreamcatchers; so no matter where I was I always have one. Its surrounded by flowers and sticks, something You can almost always find in the forest; as well as my mom. &of course, its in the shape of a butterfly because we adore them, but also for the butterfly project. She has done her absolute best in raising her children, &I look up to her immensly. Shes spent hours upon hours doing all kinds of research, between mental illnesses, zodiac signs, raising children/teenagers, trying her possible best to raise us in the ways that we need. Not forfetting ti explain that just because she may treat us differently doesnt mean she loves us any different; because we’re different people she has to deal with us differently. Since the divorce, she has worked her ass off to make sure everybody not only has food on their plate, but gets the material things they want in order to assure theyre happy. I don’t know what I would do without her, still to this day. &this is why we got our tattoos, to remind us that although things get rough sometimes we’ll always have each other. Even when we’re looking down.