Butterfly-Project

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So I went to Comic-Con in Atlanta today. I got to meet Karen Gillen. I saw her and started crying. My dad went and paid for the ticket to meet her. I walked up to her crying. She looked at me, rubbed my arm, and asked me if I was okay. The only words I could get to come out were “I’m sorry. I just love you so much.” I told her about my self harm issues and asked her to draw a butterfly on my arm for the butterfly project. She agreed. My dad stayed behind to tell her what the butterfly was for. She called me back over and hugged me, tears in her eyes, and said “You are too beautiful to do this to yourself.” She is my role model. I love her so much. This is the butterfly she drew.

My first Butterfly.

Today at the hospital, I was getting my most recent relapse stitched up ( 11 stitches) when the nurse told me about the butterfly project. After I got bandaged she came in and drew my first butterfly on top of my dressing with nail polish and eyeliner she found in her purse. I swear this will be the last time i end up here. That nurse and the butterfly project just might of saved my life. 

My girlfriend and I both suffer from the addiction of cutting. A few months ago she got a beautiful butterfly tattooed to her hip and hasn’t cut since. Although she hasn’t given in, however, the urge is still very powerful. I decided that it would be a good idea to take the butterfly project a tad further and write an entire poem down her arm that means the world to her. She then wrote over and over again how much she loves me, over my recent scars, just to remind me whenever I get caught up in my own mind. This took out butterfly project to a deeper, more personal level and it really saved us. I wanted to share this with all of you, to know that there are many ways of coping, in case one isn’t enough.

P.S. You are important to a lot of people, even if you don’t see it right now. You are loved and cared about. Wanted and needed. Stay strong.

-Jeydon Elliot 

I recently got a tattoo over my scars and the ribbon is for self injury awareness. The quote reminds me that there are no shortcuts to getting better and that the only way to recover is to push through all of the bad times. I’m really happy with it and it’s keeping me from self harming.

I’m sick and tired of people saying my butterflies aren’t “manly”.
You have no idea who I am, and why I have butterflies tattooed on me. Men can have butterflies tattooed on them and still be manly as fuck. Maybe I just really like butterflies? Who says what is manly and what is not?
Before you sit there and judge me for what is tattooed on my body, maybe ask what the meaning behind them are.
All of my tattoos have a meaning.

Well, I’m happy because it’s been months I don’t cut, and seeing my scars fading away makes really happy.

For many years I always thought that I could send my sadness away by hurting myself. Even when I didn’t cut myself, I always tried to find a way to punish myself for the things I did. I hated myself so much that I really thought about disappearing. I’m selfish and a bad daughter. I couldn’t build a friendship or keep it. I always scared people away. I’m not a beautiful person at all. People hurt me so much that I ended up hurting them too. And everyone who entered into my life ended up being hurt by me. I ruined everything I touched. Someone once told me that I’m not an human being. And I guess she was right, maybe I’m not human, maybe I’m just a ghost who can be seen.

But I don’t want that, I don’t want to be a ghost. I want to live. I don’t want to be forgotten. I want people to remember me and smile while doing it. I want to do something for the world and for myself too. I want have friends, go to places I never been before, I want make my mother feel proud of me and mostly I want feel proud of myself.

I already drew 6 butterflies and I found friends who really help a lot. They don’t know about me, but they always try to cheer me up when I’m down. I have changed a lot on these few months. I smile more, and I try to go out more, I even went to a night club and kissed a girl =)). I met new people and discovered new things to do. I started to make bracelets to my friends and save money to go to Paris with my friends (we are planning going there after college)

But I’m still sad. And sometimes I get so sad that my all body hurts. And when I feel this way I cry, I try to put all out and then I read a book or watch funny vines, but I don’t think about hurting myself anymore.

And maybe if one day i disappear for real, probably no one will miss me, but I will miss so many things. Because now when I look back at my life, I see that there were times I had happy moments…and I will miss those moments so much. Even the people who entered in my life and then left me without a single word, I will miss them, a lot, because they brought me so many joy and happiness. I will miss the sunrise I see every morning through my room window. I will miss my cats, and my mother and her warm hug, that I hope feel it again.

stay strong :*

[sorry my bad English :)]

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Okay soo… A few weeks back i sent an artist on Instagram who i really looked up to a photo of my arm which i drew a lot of butterfly’s on one day some of you may know of the butterfly project but yeah. Anyways she replied and she DREW that amazing art work! I was always afraid to show this image on social net work sites but seeing all the beautiful things everyone had written on the image made me see that not everything in the world is against you.
Sorry..

Self harm needs to be talked about out loud.

I first started self harming when I was 11. Initially it was cutting. I lied and told anyone who asked that they were cat scratches, and as I got older people stopped buying that excuse. As I got into my teenage years, I started to purge. Not to lose weight, but to self harm in a different way. Thats when it began to spiral out of control.

Last September, I tried to kill myself. Before doing so, I cut up my whole arm. My parents found me and immediately took me to the ER. One of my cuts was so deep it had to be stapled shut, now I am covered in big ugly scars all over that arm. But that was the last time I cut. I am 5, almost 6 months clean from self harm and I couldn’t be prouder. 

If anyone feels alone, if anyone feels like no ones going to understand you, they’ll think you did this to yourself just because, or you’ll feel judged- you are not alone. Self injury is an extremely common and understated thing, and the less it is talked about out loud, the more ignorant people are to the topic. So talk. Begin to spread awareness and help out those who need it. We all need eachother, and there is a better tomorrow. I promise. 

Thinking about a holiday giveaway, but my family is having major money problems this year * no not the “lol yea I’m broke lol yea” I mean my dad hasn’t been paying what he needs to* and I was thinking of maybe just a nice long letter and some candy that I can send you. Not the fanciest thing but everyone deserves to have someone tell them how amazing they are, and to have sweet things to help out in anyway it can.

So if you want a sweet long letter and whatever I can give you like candy or a stuffed animal, something that will hopefully make your day or give you something to read when you are down, like and reblog this as much as you want. I will choose 3 winners using a random generator. Ends on january 1st. Anyone can enter, not just for my followers *though if u follow me you will get something extra* good luck <3

I was recently in a mental hospital because it was unsafe for me to be at home after an attempted suicide. Id been struggling with self harm and depression for awhile, but it’d never gotten to this point. Id heard of the butterfly project and would always draw butterflies on my arms or my friends would draw them, but today my little sister came up to me and said “Where’s your butterfly?” then she drew this one for me, sure its not the best but it means a lot. So this butterfly is named Aurora after my 6 year-old sister whom noticed i was missing my butterfly.