But she damn well learned how

8

I  d o n ’ t  k n o w  h o w  to love very well 
I thought you didn’t love me  b u t  I  w a s  w r o n g.

When I was about 8 years old I had this bikini that I loved to wear, until the day came that my mom told me that I probably shouldn’t wear it anymore because it didn’t look flattering for my “body type”. I may have been young, but it didn’t escape my notice that my sisters were still allowed to wear their bikinis in our pool. I know she meant well, but looking back she probably has no idea how damaging it was for her to do that to me. It took so many years of hiding and hating my body for me to learn to love it. Today I finally felt brave and confident enough to purchase my first bikini to wear after fourteen years… And damn, I look awesome!

To balance the low of my grandfather passing away, February also brought a couple notable highs. The most important thing is that my kid got accepted to her first choice college. She’ll be attending Hunter College, regarded as one of, if not the best public college in New York City. We also learned that she is at the top of her graduating class. Now, because her high school leans a bit on the hippie-dippy “we don’t like labels, man” side, they don’t officially designate a valedictorian, but if they did, it would be her. 

It really is amazing how well a naturally smart kid can do in a school that is genuinely invested in helping its students succeed, while having parents who give a damn. That’s not to say that I’ve been a super overbearing tiger mom (though I have jokingly told her “You get below C, I put you below sea”), just that I’ve always encouraged her to take her schoolwork seriously, and to get as much out of her education as she can, as has her father. It was a different experience for me—I was smart, not Doogie Howser, MD smart, but pretty smart, and a classic product of 80s public education, where burned out, Edna Krabappel-esque teachers didn’t give a shit about you unless you were either a genius or practically illiterate. I could count on half a hand the number of teachers who took a genuine interest in me. My sixth grade teacher, knowing full well I was struggling in math, just failed me every marking period rather than offering extra resources, either because they didn’t exist or because she couldn’t be bothered. I ended up having to go to summer school, which is always good for a kid’s ego, and hey, guess what, I still suck at math. After that, I figured that school was bullshit, and that I wasn’t going to do much more than the bare minimum it required to pass. So I didn’t, and neither of my parents noticed. School had not been much of a priority for either of them, and either they didn’t care or didn’t know how to encourage me to do the best I could. Completely different experience for my kid, and lo and behold…

In other positive developments, as of this past Friday I quit my horrible job. Don’t panic, I have a new one, I start it next week. I’ve rarely talked about it, because second to sports I find talking about work the most boring subject imaginable, and think “So what do you do?” should be eliminated as party conversation, but I hated my job. Hated hated hated it, with the fire of 10 million suns. I’ve had some lousy jobs. I refilled the buffet at a Ponderosa. I’ve flipped burgers at McDonald’s. I was a collection agent for a college loan company. These were all a box of delicious candy compared to this job. More than 25 years as a working stiff and never before did I have a job that gave me panic attacks, or caused me to sob with frustration. The weird thing is, it was just a stupid office job, I wasn’t out there curing cancer or rounding up sex offenders or anything important like that. It was just an office job, but one in which I was endlessly overworked, underpaid and with virtually no benefits, in a company run by someone who was both mean and stupid, and blissfully unaware that he was stupid, which made it even worse. Even when I started working from home last year, I dreaded starting the work day. It was constantly on my mind, even when I was able to take time off I couldn’t fully enjoy myself because in the back of my mind there’d be a counter ticking off the minutes until I had to go back.

I’ve actually been writing out a Cracked-like essay about things people don’t tell you about having a lousy job, so I’ll save the rest of what I have to say for that. Suffice to say there’s been a wonderful sense of lightness since I left. Other than volunteering to train one of the two people they had to hire to replace me, I’m done with them, and it feels incredible, I can enjoy my Sunday nights without the shadow of “Oh God, I gotta go back tomorrow” looming over my head. And of course, with that lightness comes a vast improvement in my mood, and with that comes the sudden desire to “MAKE AND WRITE ALL THE THINGS, ” to the point where I don’t actually know where to begin. I don’t mind it, though. If this fills in the spaces stress, anger, and frustration over my old job had once occupied, I’ll happily take it.     

shitty day: part II. 

still nowhere closer to getting my damn medication because of my insurance company/shitty doctor. had a horrific panic attack as a result of it today.

i just got a call from my mother though, she said she’ll try calling them tomorrow. if anyone can actually get ahold of them and straighten this shit out it would be her. we’re not generally that close really, so i appreciate the favor. 

of course, if she doesn’t prevail i’m done enough at this point that i may very well set my father with all his anger and bipolar issues on them. he can be very…persuasive. it’s where i learned my certain skill set, after all. 

i realize how juvenile it is having to get my damn parents involved, but at this point, the shitty doctor’s office has left me no choice. i don’t actually have time to deal with this.

memorixkvina asked:

Send me ☁ for a thought my muse would have while looking at yours in the middle of class

  She dROPPED THE NOTE. SHE DROPPED THE NOTE.

He was literally never trusting her catching ability ever again. From
afar he gaped in mild mounting on wild horror as she scrabbled with
the girl beside her for the note. Madam Bubblegum or whatever the
hell the girl’s name was (he didn’t care enough to learn) was quick
he’d give her that.
                      But she damn well didn’t have what it took against his
                     girl - lookit that elbow jab to the bubble fuck ye - she
                    may not know how to catch a damn note but she certainly
                    could wallop. 
 Don’t piss her off but damn she cANT CATCH

anonymous asked:

"Mom's so boring, though!" Jo whines. "She doesn't let me do anything! I can't go out and I gotta stay in the Precinct the majority of the time." She huffs. "'m staying with you. You're the adventurous one." She shifts into human form - clothed this time; she's learned how to do that pretty quickly - but looks over at the beginning of the alleyway and frowns. "That's her... the girl from the Precinct." And sure enough, it was.

Helena frowned. It was dangerous and she didn’t want Johanna getting hurt. Especially not this version. At the words, HG moves in front of Jo. She didn’t have her tesla or anything, but she damned well wasn’t going to let anyone get Jo. “Stay quiet,” she whispered, hoping they would go unnoticed.

The legend of the Green Children of Woolpit which allegedly took place in the 12th century in Suffolk, England. Out of the blue one day, two children popped out of nowhere, who were, well, green. They had green skin, refused to eat anything other than podded peas, and talked in a strange and incomprehensible tongue. They gradually adapted to the community and though the boy took ill and died, the girl learned to be less fussy about her diet, lost her green pigmentation and picked up the local lingo. She explained You are what you eat!


They had come from the underground world of St. Martin’s
Land, though how they had come to wind up in Woolpit, she could not explain. Fortunately, the story doesn’t take a Village of the Damned turn of events and presumably they all lived happily ever after.

This weather totally sucks. Five inches of snow on Sunday, and now freezing rain/sleet. Yay…no…well, looks like my errand running is shot for today. Bleh…though, if this keeps up, I’ll most likely have to pick up my daughter from school, since I’m none too kean on letting her drive in this. She’ll probably go “Oh mum, I have to learn to drive in it at some point.” True, but it scares the crap out of me.

Hmmm, maybe I’ll run a couple errands, see how the roads are first, before I swing by the school? Damn you, Ohio weather! (Thankfully, it’s off to England next Friday!)

Dance Apocalyptic (Mirai & Sode no Shirayuki)

"That will be all for today." she instructed her class, a group of students she hoped would someday become a cohesive, fluid unite of dancers under her rigid discipline. Her teaching style had been a combination of punishing and fair, much like her style with teaching Rukia her abilities. Sode no Shirayuki had always given a chance to those willing to open their minds and ears to her teachings, but had notoriously little patience for those who wasted her time.

So long as a person tried, the zanpakuto would make damned sure she taught to her fullest capacity. Which brought her to her current conflict: how to change her teaching method to best suit an earnest young girl who was rather clumsy on her feet despite what appeared to be her best efforts. Obviously the zanpakuto couldn’t very well coddle her, but she could switch her tactics to suit her student’s learning style better. Each student was taught differently, there should be no reason to apply the same method to them all.

"Please wait a moment, Sarutobi-chan." she beckoned quietly, pulling her student aside after the rest of the class had filtered out the door. "Might I have a word with you?"

anonymous asked:

I showed my friend your blog and she was so astonished (in a good way) about your transition

Well thanks I guess c: sometimes it feels like I haven’t even started since I’m not on hormones or anything but I think it’s important to remember that not everyone needs them to live the way they want to. Through name changes, pronouns, clothes people can really pass if they know what they are doing.
I look back at pictures or videos of myself a couple months ago and I’m like DAMN! I’ve learned so much about how to live my life authentically already, I personally cannot wait until hormones.

Journal #6

2-26-15


Well, today was a little setback. I got a text from my ex gf wondering how I was doing, then we had a conversation, but then she all of a sudden stopped responding, I’m guessing I said something wrong, oh well though, can’t please em all. I am feeling pretty down today though, I just feel really insecure again, I wish I could just fucking see myself from someone else’s eyes, then maybe I’d think I was pretty cool, and stop worrying so much about myself uuugghh. I should just stop worrying so damn much about the way other people look at me and just learn to love myself, not in an egotistical way though. I guess this bullshit will make me stronger, and I’ll be able to own myself better when all is said and done, that’s what’s happened in the past with me. And it could be so much worse, there are plenty of positive things going on too, just gotta focus on those

Great Advance

Physical Therapy was yesterday and it was great . I am getting so much stronger. I aced the hack squats on the balance board. Plus the crab walks. We even added in stationary lunges and i did the damn thing which surprised the hell outta me!!!!! We added planks as well. I learned how to do them properly i did 3 sets of 30 secs but i am going to work on those a tid bif more so i can at least i can do 2 sets of 30 secs with breaking. Anywho, me and bonnie get to talking and she said i have made so much progress in less then i month which is so true. She suggested that after physical therapy is over the best thing to do if i don’t have surgery is to continue to do the stuff i learned in physical therapy and continue to build muscle over two months then slowly incorporate running. This sounds like a damn good plan to me. She says i can do pt all over again if i need help easing back into things. Bonnie it looks like we have a deal :)