Surprise! Cliven Bundy, Conservatives' Newest Hero, is a Huge Gigantic Racist
Have your heard about Cliven Bundy? No? Why he’s only America’s newest patriot! Conservatives, Republicans, Libertarians, and right wingers of all types are going goo-goo over Mr. Bundy and his Bundy Ranch. Let me give you a little summary.
Cliven Bundy, like most good white right wingers, is a moocher. As a rancher in the great state of Nevada, Cliven Bundy let’s his cattle graze on public land. To use this land, the law requires ranchers to pay a grazing fee to the federal government, you know, just like you’d pay rent if you were using a piece of private land. The only problem is, in Cliven Bundy’s own words, Mr. Bundy does not “recognize the United States government as existing” and has refused to pay the fees associated with grazing cattle on public land for decades. He now owes the U.S. government around $1 million dollars.
Why are we hearing about this now? After many years, the federal government decided to show up a few weeks ago and seize his cattle. So, what does Cliven Bundy do? He goes on right wing media news outlets and calls for, no, no, not peaceful protesters, he calls for armed militia to show up and defend “his” land. And, like most right wingers who have nothing better to do but jump at the opportunity to swing their giant firearms around to make up for what they lack in their pants, show up they did!
Why does this matter? Well, to avoid a confrontation, the federal government returned Cliven Bundy’s cattle and backed down. This has made Mr. Bundy a big old rootin’ tootin’ heroic American patriot in the eyes of Conservative media! So much show, that ye ole’ mainstream lamestream media could no longer ignore Cliven Bundy’s plight!
The New York Times has got the latest straight from Cliven Bundy himself. The nation’s eyes and ears are all on Mr. Bundy right now. Perhaps he will drop some knowledge and leave us with the next great speech, one for the ages, a few quotes that will cement himself for generations to come as the next great American…
Cliven Bundy, the right wing’s newest hero? Sounds about right.