Breathing Still

you didn’t mind the rumors, while you didn’t mind them as long as they weren’t true. you were luke’s roommate ( which was super dumb cuz god knows he doesn’t need a roommate he’s a fucking celebrity and ur just trying to get thru uni ) and his best friend, so of course there are a shit load of rumors about you. but you don’t care, but then of course there’s always the rumors about him. you tell each other everything, so you know none of them are true, right? so when you wake up on the couch to the door opening and he walks in with her, you hold your breath and pretend to still be asleep. luke’s allowed to hook up with whoever he wants to, it’s not like you two are dating. eventually they make their way to the bedroom, and the moment you hear the lock click you sit up, staring at whatever’s playing on the tv. you close your eyes and take a deep breath, your rising steadily and your pulse going back to a normal pace. when you open your eyes again your vision is blurry and you blink and a tear gets caught in your eyelash. you try to hold it back, you keep telling yourself, he’s not mine to cry about but shit you’re sobbing now and you can hear them so you just turn up the tv and pray they can’t hear you crying. he wasn’t yours, and he never would be. he’d always just be your almost something


Khmer Market, Dickinson Street, Philadelphia

old man pushes open the door
and there are the same
line of cars along the

morning sheds its humid veil
there are a million corners in
the world, a million eyes in
window-spans; nowhere is

kids are back at school
and now in white thick light the
streets sit humming quiet
and overhead the power lines
make delicate thin-necked
shadows over the

nothing is the same as it is here in this breath-
exhalation and still nothing is the same-
inhale again and still nothing is the same-

a bird perches on the rooftop, a cook drops a
spoon, the old man closes the door behind him,
a car starts, mutters out of a tight

there are all the places in the world right here
and there is nothing the same.

—  L. Maruska
It is a Wise Child that Knows His Own Father | Closed RP

Sunlight filtered through the curtains dully, shaded to softening by the gossamer threading and lace patterns at the edges. Balder’s eyelids fluttered in response to the light and birdsong coming through the window, and his arms pulled closer to his chest.

The warm, soft body of his betrothed came with the motion, pressing flush against his front. “Mm,” he let his eyelids rise open, and he nestled his nose into the curve of her neck. Her eyes remained closed and her breathing slow–slumbering still he noted. His lips pressed a kiss into the flutter of her pulse, a gentle nudge toward waking as he watched the smooth, serene expression on her face as she slept in his arms. His head swam as he pressed his lips beside the rose-fragrant curls of her hair.

“Beautiful,” he murmured into her skin.

While it appears the Lord took me a lot more literally than I had hoped this morning when I said “whatever suffering comes my way” I’ve had so many opportunities to rely on His providence. First, he sent me a mechanic when my tired popped on the highway. Then, I found that while my lungs hurt and my head is really full and congested I can still breathe almost normally. While it was painful for a few moments, having a smaller ovarian cyst rupture gave me a chance to offer suffering for all who have asked my prayers. While it hurts to swallow I was able to take some Nyquil so I can get some good rest tonight. Even in the midst of suffering He always provides. God is good, all of the time. And all of the time, God is good. Please pray for me. I could use all the strength I can get.

The smoke has been cleared for almost a week but my chest still hurts, I’m still having trouble catching my breath, and I am still having palpitations. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday. I have never felt like I had anything wrong with my heart so this is kind of concerning.

the sky is darker every day -
the stars are turning their backs in shame.

[we need you now!]

for the ghosts are walking up and down
the streets and the mirrors deny their reflections

because they still breathe
and the image they’d get isn’t exactly pretty,
the way lethargy usually is.

[we’re half way to gone without being aware of it,
don’t turn away now!]

the sky darkens and the rivers too and the souls as well.
charcoal letters of hope not yet cold,
trying still to write down their promises:

do you have anything for me,
anything that’s not frail or false or leftover
from someone who felt it wasn’t good enough?

the fact remains, though,
that even the stars are ashamed of us now.

[please, don’t, we need you more than ever]

—  ines k

I love it when @melaniemariesavoie texts me ecards she makes for me herself. Getting a birthday message from a friend I’ve had for 14 years, reminds me of how blessed my life has been, how adventurous, and how hard at times, but how much wiser and stronger we are because it. It’s worth it to live. Life is such a gift. Time has taught me more than I could have ever imagined when I was younger. I’m so thankful for birthdays to help us remember how far we have come, and that, since we are still breathing, there is still more for us to learn, more time for our souls to grow, more love to give and receive, and more good work to do.


THE RAVEN CYCLE by Maggie Stiefvater

“You incredible creature,” Gansey said. His delight was infectious and unconditional, broad as his grin. Adam tipped his head back to watch, something still and faraway around his eyes. Noah breathed whoa, his palm still lifted as if waiting for the plane to return to it. And Ronan stood there with his hands on the controller and his gaze on the sky, not smiling, but not frowning, either. His eyes were frighteningly alive, the curve of his mouth savage and pleased. It suddenly didn’t seem at all surprising that he should be able to pull things from his dreams.
In that moment, Blue was a little in love with all of them. Their magic. Their quest. Their awfulness and strangeness. Her raven boys.