~rainy august thoughts~

The rain stopped falling 
but the smell lingered 
long after


just like we were stopped
but you still lingered
long after

when we break up, it is not clean
we both cry and only stop when we notice
your bedroom furniture floating down the hallway
the neighbors call to tell us they can’t sleep
because my heart is cracking so goddamn loud
and so, to quiet me, you say just for now

when we break up, it does not make sense
I try to wrap my head around it but I get so dizzy that I throw up
the world spins by as I sit pulling vomit out of my hair
and this is only the first time

when we break up for the second time,
it still is not clean
we sit at a park in the dirt for so long
that by the time we get up
we blend in with the earth
this is okay because we think it’s swallowing us whole anyway

when we break up for the second time,
it still does not make sense
we get in my car
and I say I won’t stop driving until we figure it out
but my gas needle inches toward empty
and we still haven’t found the words
but we aren’t done yet

when we break up for the third time,
it is the dirtiest
it’s raining so much that I feel like
the whole universe is drowning
in one last choking breath
we talk for two hours
and when you finally say you’re leaving
I sink my knees into the mud and beg you to stay
you leave me there as you drive away
and when I finally walk back into my house
there is a trail of mud
from the front door to my bedroom

when we break up for the third time,
it makes the least sense
because words like I love you
and I’m leaving you
are next to each other
when I thought they’d stay worlds apart

when we break up for the last time,
we are tired
it isn’t clean but we don’t care anymore
it doesn’t make sense but we are out of strength

when we break up for the last time,
I realize I’ve forgotten how to fall apart
so I hold myself together instead

— 

WHEN WE BREAK UP - Fortesa Latifi

from This Is How We Find Each Other

How the signs deal with heartbreak

To celebrate my own recent heartbreak…

Aries: Cries and then hits the town 

Taurus: Succumbs into self for a few months and eats countless tubs of ice cream

Gemini: Ex boy/girlfriend who? *cries randomly*

Cancer: Cries for a couple of hours…. for a few days… for a few weeks, and then decides to write trashy poetry 

Leo: Bitch, I MADE him/her. How fucking dare

Virgo: probably socialises a lot and cleans obsessively

Libra: OMG HOW WILL I GO ON!!!???!!??? ….. wOW they’re pretty hot

Scorpio: the death of whoever broke their heart will be slow and painful

Sagittarius: FUCK YEAH I’M FREE!

Capricorn: I didn’t really like them that much anyway

Aquarius: Let’s face it, they have more important things to worry about, like possible zombie apocalypses and future parties

Pisces: life. pretty. much. over 

some thoughts about breakups

I think we put too much emphasis on worth when it comes to breakups, like the only reason a relationship ever ends is because one person decided the other wasn’t good enough. It can obviously feel that way regardless of the actual reasons, but there are many reasons that can cause a relationship to just not work anymore.

Sometimes people’s priorities change, or it’s discovered that they never lined up very well in the first place.

Sometimes circumstances, like distance or time availability, make maintaining a relationship too difficult.

Sometimes people realise that they don’t have the emotional resources to handle both the relationship and what’s going on in their life right now (be that work, grief, healing from trauma, dealing with illness or disability, etc.).

Sometimes people’s relationship styles/emotional needs just don’t line up – one person needs a lot of alone time and the other needs a lot of time with a partner, for example.

Sometimes people try very hard to interact in a healthy way, but they trigger each other’s past traumas or have conflicting access needs and find themselves falling into dysfunctional patterns.

Sometimes love is not enough to make a healthy relationship possible. You can care deeply about each other and try to make things work, but discover that a relationship is still not possible. Ending a relationship with someone you love can be very difficult, but sometime’s it’s necessary – it’s not healthy for anyone to ignore their own needs in order to maintain a relationship.

When a good relationship ends, that doesn’t mean it was a failure. It means that it’s over; it doesn’t erase the love that you shared. Whether or not you can transition to a different kind of relationship with them, the person you cared about will still be part of your universe, and the memories you share with them will still be part of who you are. The time that you had together can still be meaningful.