Boys-in-town

ineptshieldmaid  asked:

Sam I have an important Chicago question: just north of the DuSable bridge there is a statue of what looks like Abe Lincoln excitedly taking a man in a knitted sweater on a first date. I only saw it from a bus, so didn't get either a photo or an explanation. Can you explain this phenomenon? Are Abe and Sweater Man happy???

*head in hands* FUCKING SEWARD JOHNSON

You have triggered the rage within me, so now you will ALL be treated to an outside-the-readmore screed about SEWARD GODDAMN JOHNSON. 

I don’t normally attack artists because a) it scares my friends who are artists (I love you all, you are beautiful, don’t be afraid) and b) honestly most artists don’t deserve the level of vitriol I’m about to employ. I want you all to remember that the seething hatred I feel for Seward Johnson is driven in large part by class consciousness. 

But not entirely. So let’s begin. 

First what you have to know is that Seward Johnson is a “sculptor”. If you google “seward johnson sculpture” you’ll get an idea of his work, most of which is terrible. I feel okay calling his work terrible because he is also the scion of the family that founded SC Johnson Johnson & Johnson (my bad), so he has all the money he needs and could step back, do his art for funsies, and let people with actual talent or two original thoughts in their heads exhibit their art, but he doesn’t, he forces his terrible art on all of us. 

The reason I harbor such animosity towards Seward Johnson is that he has been exhibiting on Pioneer Plaza (that area north of the DuSable Bridge) for almost a decade now, and when I worked in the north loop I had to walk past his art every day. It was bad enough when the sculpture was American Gothic, rendered without talent or meaning into three dimensions and provided with luggage. 

How very fucking dare you, you talentless hack

These things are sculpted out of what amounts basically to styrofoam painted in rubberized/weatherized paint, so they are fragile, and tourists were constantly climbing on Farmer’s shoes and falling into them when they found out it wasn’t the cheap but supple fiberglass you would expect of a tacky monstrosity more suited to a roadside motel than the business district of a major metropolitan city. (I would imagine this is why Abraham Lincoln And The Mayonnaise Sandwich has a little fence around it.) 

But American Gothic Motel Attraction was mostly just annoying because it was meaningless, derivative, and CONSTANTLY covered in gawkers getting in everyone’s way. 

Additionally, Seward Johnson’s sculptures on the Plaza are very popular photo spots for tourists, who carry lots of cash and are constantly distracted, which means beginning with The Assault On American Gothic it became a very popular spot for pickpockets. Which means members of our staff, who had nothing to do with this mess, got pickpocketed as collateral damage about once a week during the exhibition of…. 

Forever Marilyn.

SEWARD JOHNSON GO FUCK YOURSELF

This is a very famous image of Marilyn Monroe which is horrifying for the following reasons that Seward Johnson appears not to have understood nor cared about:

a) The day this was shot, on an open set with people leering at her all day, her husband, professional athlete and dirtbag Joe DiMaggio, found out about the filming. Rather than comfort his wife, who had been through some shit already that day, he became angry she’d been showing her panties in public and beat her so badly the neighbors called the police on him. Joe DiMaggio also go fuck yourself. 

b) IT’S IN A MOVIE INFAMOUSLY SET IN NEW YORK. To quote a local newspaper, “Did Chicago lose a bet?”

c) Yes, you can look up and see her panties. While this is juvenile, it’s not nearly as juvenile as the literally thousand of photographs I angrily photobombed of some douchebro from Fuckville Middle America in a backwards baseball cap standing between her legs with his face tilted upwards and his tongue out. 

Oh and btw before it was unveiled it looked like this: 

For literal days, before it was installed, she had a bag over her head. (For more on this, though the pictures are now missing, you can read my reaction post here.)

In any just world, there would be a trap door between her legs and everyone who tried to do the upskirt shot would fall into a pit where they would be forced to give five dollars to women’s shelters before they were allowed to leave. THAT would have been interesting art. 

Sidebar, both as contrast and because I love it: Marilyn left a few years ago and was briefly replaced by a refreshing and beautiful piece called The Watch, by Hebru Brantley. The Watch was playful and interesting and didn’t have a single upskirt. Hebru Brantley is a wonderful artist in his own right, but he was also a welcome breath of fresh air after Johnson’s mediocre tribute to sexual assault. 

The Watch was a temporary installation, however, and eventually along came Abraham Lincoln Approves Of White Men

It is an unfortunate coincidence that Confused Closeted Republican there is wearing khakis and a white shirt, the new uniform of the alt right, and it’s also coincidence that this is facing Trump Tower, but it’s not exactly helping Seward Johnson’s cause that he chose the blandest outfit possible for Paean To Confused White Bread. The sculpture is meant to be Lincoln, the darling of Illinois, welcoming a visitor to our fair city, but it sure does look like fresh meat is about to get a free trip to Boys Town with the Sixteenth President of the United States. 

This is what I mean when I say Seward Johnson lacks not only skill but also understanding: he clearly didn’t know that Lincoln’s sexuality is under enough debate to have its own wikipedia page, and he either didn’t know or didn’t care that Marilyn Monroe was nearly killed by her husband for shooting that scene. All he cares about is image and he’s bad at reproducing image. That is not a well-executed rendering of how human beings are, and dynamically speaking it’s boring. If he were good at visuals or if he had something meaningful to say I would be less angry, but he is mediocre at best and the statements his sculptures make are banal pap if they make any at all. 

But he is rich, and I guess either he likes Chicago or he’s got blackmail on Sam Zell, owner of Pioneer Plaza, so he gets to spatter his hideous, meaningless masturbation in my city. And lest you think Seward Johnson got here on his own merits, Forever Marilyn, now on tour from coast to coast, is owned by The Sculpture Foundation, which is heavily subsidized by Seward Johnson. He basically founded a nonprofit to ensure his work gets toured around and publicized and to ensure that if no museum wants it, it has a place to go to die (Palm Springs, CA). 

In short, I hope Abe and Sweater Man are happy, because at least then something good has come out of Seward Johnson’s astounding mediocrity. That said, if you are passing his latest work, spit on it for me. As performance art.

TAZ Balance characters as Monster Factory Quotes:

Magnus:  "WHATS UP EVERYBODY? I THINK DOGS SHOULD VOTE!“
Taako: "I’m all about hope, change, and zestiness.”
Merle: “THEY’RE HAVING SEX IN THE PISSBUSH!”
Lucretia: “Can you stop talking? I’m trying to read the fucking Terms of Use.”
Davenport: “He’s a spacefaring kissboy.”
Barry: “Let’s do the stuff we know it’s gonna be: jeans on jeans.”
Lup: “Maybe kitties have fire resistance.”
The Voidfish: “And you get wished into nonexistence, and you get wished into nonexistence!”
Angus: “A cream-faced business boy.”
Kravitz: “It’s a human….it’s a spectre of death.”
Killian: “In a sword fight what are you not gonna see coming? Kicks from big meaty legs.”
Carey: “HE KNIFES SO FAST!”
Noelle: “I see you’re drinking from a cup. I’ve never done that.”
Avi: “Where are you going in your egg?”
Johann: “She’s DJ Slime Time. She did a sick set at my son’s Bar Mitzvah.”
Garfield: “We can always find our way back to G.A.R.F.I.E.L.D.”
Leon: “Grandpa Piss is unconscious.”
Robbie: “Vape Life.”
Magic Brian: “Spider dreams!!”
Jenkins: “Nasty. Crime. Boy. Has. Come. To. Town.”
Sloane: “How underrepresented are furries in fighting games?”
Hurley: “Bikes have killed this entire family.”
Maarvey: “Just a rowdy, dirty boy.”
Legion: “Bye idiot, thanks for the souls.”
Lucas Miller: “Right now I’m “kissing the frog”. That’s what I call hacking the Matrix.”
Roswell: “That’s a crime and it’s punishable by crime!”
Vogue Elves: “Was it worth it, Todd? What you did to my family for ratings?”
The Hunger: “If H. R. Giger saw this, he’d shit his pants to death.”
John Hunger: “Extra! Extra! Read all about it! I’m a hell man!”

youtube

Finished and uploaded my Halloween Special! “The Boys Are Back in Town (to kill you)”

Thanks to @scotchtapeofficial and Kirsten for the cheeky lil pumpkin boys

Why every girl/woman in Stranger Things is a badass:

Joyce Byers: 

  • Fights tooth and nail to find her missing boy, even when the whole town is convinced she’s overreacting or going crazy, even her own son. 
  • Going into the upside down in a hazmat suit because she’ll be damned if she isn’t there the second they find Will 
  • Screaming at Lonnie for being the worthless piece of shit that he is. 
  • Raising her two sons on her own!!!!!! Working her butt off to provide for them!!!! 
  • Fights doctors who she knows have the power to wipe her off the face of the earth. 
  • Put the death of her significant other on the back burner to take care of her son. 

Claudia Henderson: 

  • Raises Dustin on her own!!!! 
  • Really cares about him and what he’s doing!!!! 
  • Supports his interests, even if she thinks they’re a little odd 

Mrs. Sinclair: 

  • Is supportive of her children 
  • Dealt with Billy before he went to visit Karen and somehow she managed to not strangle him 

Karen Wheeler: 

  • Raises three children (pretty much on her own, because wE ALL KNOW HOW USEFUL TED IS)
  • Supported her friend Joyce after the loss of her son! 
  • Desperately wants her children to know that they can talk to her about anything 
  • Has to keep secrets about probably the most horrifying time of her life, where her son almost got killed because of what happened with El and Hawkin’s lab. 

Nancy Wheeler: 

  • TAKES IT UPON HERSELF TO CAPTURE AND KILL THE DEMOGORGON 
  • Slices her own hand open to attract it. 
  • Sets up fucking bear traps 
  • IS AN INCREDIBLE SHOT 
  • DAMSEL IN DISTRESS WHERE? WHO? NOT NANCY WHEELER! 
  • Keeps what happened to Barb a secret from her parents even though it is literally eating her up on the inside. But she knows it’s for their protection. 
  • GOT JUSTICE FOR BARB BY PURPOSELY GETTING TAKEN BY HAWKIN’S LAB 
  • SUPPORTS JONATHAN WHILE HE WATCHES HIS BROTHER PRETTY MUCH GO THROUGH AN EXORCISM! 

Barbra Holland: 

  • Tries to protect Nancy from becoming somebody that she’s not. 
  • Never strays from who she is even though she has pressure from the outside. 

Marsha Holland: 

  • Has never given up hope of finding her daughter 
  • Is willing to risk her livelihood if it means she can get answers to what happened to her.

Terry Ives: 

  • Never gave up hope of finding her daughter!!!!!! 
  • PRETTY MUCH BROKE INTO HAWKINS LAB TO SAVE HER! 

Becky Ives: 

  • Has been taking care of her catatonic sister for at least a decade. 
  • Supports El in her quest to find out what the hell happened and how to connect with her mother. 
  • Doesn’t think El is crazy for trying to connect telepathically. 

Eleven: 

  • Do I even have to say why she’s a badass I mean COME ON? 
  • Escapes Hawkins lab after straight up murdering her captors. 
  • Runs into the night with just an oversized tee shirt. 
  • Saves Mike and the party more times than anybody can count 
  • Puts herself into scary and life-threatening situations to save Will Byers who she has never even met before.  
  • GOES UP TO SINGLE-HANDEDLY FIGHT THE DEMOGORGON 
  • LIVES ON HER OWN IN THE WINTER IN THE WILDERNESS FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG 
  • knocked a bitch out using only a squirrel
  • Kept herself isolated from Mike for almost a year because she knew it was the safest thing for her and for him. 
  • Sought out her mother despite knowing it was probably dangerous 
  • Sought out Kali even though she knew it was dangerous. 
  • CLOSED THE FUCKING GATE TO THE UPSIDE DOWN. 

Kali: 

  • TAKING REVENGE ON EVERY PERSON WHO HURT HER!!!!! 
  • Coming up with a rag-tag team of misfits and all of them supporting and protecting each other
  • Living without much knowledge of her family or where she came from. 
  • CAN MAKE PEOPLE SEE WHATEVER SHE WANTS THEM TO SEE! BADASS. 
  • Helps El come to the conclusion of who she is and who she wants to be, even if the two of them don’t agree. 

Max Mayfield: 

  • Doesn’t tolerate creepy behavior from the party. 
  • Says what’s on her mind 
  • Defeats a bunch of stereotypes by skateboarding and being good at video games and not dressing in stereotypically ‘girly’ outfits. 
  • Stands up to and defies her brother when he’s being a dick, no matter what. 
  • Understands her brother’s rage but doesn’t tolerate it when it becomes abusive. 
  • Stabs that bitch in the neck with a tranq 
  • then threatens his dick with a baseball bat 
  • Demands he leaves her and her friends alone. 
so i heard you like bad boys

Originally posted by jimiyoong

genre: fluff fluff and more fluff; uni!au; friends to lover!au; drabble

pairing: yoongi x reader

length: 4.7k

summary: while others see min yoongi as the resident heartthrob of the school - quiet, resilient, and mysterious - you can’t see him as anything other than your dorky best friend since childhood; but what you don’t know is his long desire to be anything but that, even if it means becoming the bad boy in town… or at least try to.

prompts:
“my hobby is making fun of you when you talk.”

Keep reading

it seems pretty common to headcanon rosemary as the super sophisticated neat ~aesthetic~ couple whereas davekat live in chaos but i propose: rosemary both canonically seem to care about aesthetics, sure, but rose is canonically very messy. I think once she gets really focused on researching an idea or something no chance is she gonna stop to wash dishes or pick up clothes. their home IS nicely decorated but kanaya often comes home to find rose sat on the floor reading in a circle of cereal bowls and empty water bottles like she’s trying to summon tony the tiger or something

also when kanaya starts working to help raise the new grub/babies she’ll often have them in the house so theres just baby food and toys on everything and she wants to tidy it but… TIRED (worth it tho for the little ones)

whereas karkat is… quite possibly the tidiest person in homestuck, judging from his room. his and daves place isnt all that nicely decorated. the decor is probably a combo of ‘PLAIN AND SERVICEABLE’ and ‘ugly and hilarious’ due to both their influence respectively. but hottt damn does our boy kk go to town with the vacuum cleaner (buying one was probably a very important milestone in karkat’s checklist of ideal domestic bliss. he loves the vacuum cleaner). its like stress relief or something. its therapeutic. even tho dave isnt all that tidy he ends up rlly liking the environment karkat creates and does his best to help when he can, either by staying out of the way when karkat’s on the rampage with a duster, or just sitting on the kitchen counter keeping him company as he washes up. 

in conclusion rosemary are beautiful disasters and davekat are ridiculous but Very Clean thank u