Bossy Pants

Blake, always such a cut up.  He also could have said…

  • "Check out the chick with the Tina Fey glasses.  I’d like to Amy her Poehler."
  • "Check out the girl with the Lisa Loeb glasses.  I’d like her to "Stay" on my boner cabin for a long weekend…"
  • "Check out the hotty with the CNN Chick glasses.  You know, the one with the sexy mouth?  I watch CNN and she comes on and I see if I can finish before they get to a story that piledrives my bone jobber."
  • "Hey that girl’s naked.  Click on her thing.  Then tell her to do the same, heyoooooo!"
  • "Hey that girl’s also naked.  I love the internet."

Check out a brand-new episode of Workaholics, "High Art", Wednesday night at 10/9 CT, only on Comedy Central.  There may not be naked chicks, or Tina Fey glasses in this one… but hey, there could be too, right?

Amy was in the middle of some such nonsense with Seth Meyers across the table, and she did something vulgar as a joke. I can’t remember what it was exactly, except it was dirty and loud and ‘unladylike.’

Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said, ‘Stop that! It’s not cute! I don’t like it.’ Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him. ‘I don’t fucking care if you like it.’ Jimmy was visibly startled. Amy went right back to enjoying her ridiculous bit. I should make it clear that Jimmy and Amy are very good friends and there was never any real beef between them. (Insert penis joke here.)

With that exchange, a comic shift took place. Amy made it clear that she wasn’t there to be cute. She wasn’t there to play wives and girlfriends in the boys’ scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not fucking care if you like it.

But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.
—  Tina Fey, Bossypants
4

Good Reads: Bossypants by Tina FeyI have absolutely been whizzing through books lately and one that I read in about a day and half was Tina Fey’s hilarious memoir-kinda. I’m a fast reader just so you all know - the book isn’t ten pages long.

If you haven’t been introduced to her awesomeness, here are a few choice quotes:

Keep reading

Bossypants - Unabridged - [Disc 3] ~ Track 14
  • Bossypants - Unabridged - [Disc 3] ~ Track 14
  • Tina Fey
  • Bossypants - Unabridged - [Disc 3]
Play

Disc 3, Track 14: Dear Internet

I’m sure if you and I compare schedules we could find a time to get together and do something about this scar of mine. But the trickier question is What am I going to do? I would love to get your advice, actually.

I’m assuming you’re a physician, because you seem really knowledgeable about how the human body works. What do you think I should do about this hideous scar? I guess I could wear a bag on my head, but do I go with linen like the Elephant Man or a simple brown paper like the Unknown Comic? Too many choices, help!

Link to PREVIOUS TRACKNEXT TRACK

Bossypants - Unabridged - [Disc 1] ~ Track 6
  • Bossypants - Unabridged - [Disc 1] ~ Track 6
  • Tina Fey
  • Bossypants - Unabridged - [Disc 1]
Play

Disc 1, Track 6: All Girls must be Everything

"And lets admit it, yellow hair does have magic powers. You could put a blond wig on a hot water heater and some dude would try to fuck it.

Snow white is better looking. I hate to stir up trouble among the princesses but take away the hair and Sleeping beauty is actually a little beat.”

Link to PREVIOUS TRACKNEXT TRACK

Bossypants - Unabridged - [Disc 3] ~ Track 10
  • Bossypants - Unabridged - [Disc 3] ~ Track 10
  • Tina Fey
  • Bossypants - Unabridged - [Disc 3]
Play

Disc 3, Track 10: I Don’t Care If You Like It - (One in a series of love letters to Amy Poehler)

Amy Poehler was new to SNL and we were all crowded into the seventeenth-floor writers’ room, waiting for the Wednesday read-through to start. There were always a lot of noisy “comedy bits” going on in that room. Amy was in the middle of some such nonsense with Seth Meyers across the table, and she did something vulgar as a joke. I can’t remember what it was exactly, except it was dirty and loud and “unladylike.”

Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said, “Stop that! It’s not cute! I don’t like it." Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him.

I don’t fucking care if you like it.

Link to PREVIOUS TRACKNEXT TRACK