Blood-Wardens

Dragon Age Origins - a short summary
  • Warden: *fucks up*
  • Duncan: HELLO DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT GREY WARDENS
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  • Morrigan: why hello there.
  • Warden: I'm gonna fuck that.
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  • Duncan: drink this dark spawn blood child.
  • Warden: no thanks I'm vegan lol
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  • Alistair: being a grey warden is a privilege we are the only ones who can stop the blight every grey warden is precoius and important.
  • Duncan: you and Alistair go light a torch.
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  • Cailan: *dies*
  • Duncan: *also dies*
  • Loghain: I'm leaving lol
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  • Flemeth: I just saved your ass by turning into a dragon.
  • Warden: shit you’re old as balls.
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  • Dog: *appears from nowhere*
  • Warden: fuck me everyone died in Ostagar and this useless animal is the only survivor how is this possible?
  • Dog: rude.
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  • Leliana: I hear voices.
  • Warden: join me.
  • Sten: I killed a shitload of people just because I lost my sword and panicked.
  • Warden: join me.
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  • Cullen: kill all the mages please.
  • Warden: you're going to be hot as hell in 10 years I can tell you that.
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  • Wynne: there is a spirit inside me.
  • Warden: yeah I'm sure a lot of things were inside you at the time.
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  • Warden: *saves Arl Eamon's son*
  • Warden: *saves Arl Eamon*
  • Arl Eamon: thank you I guess I'll help you by saying some shit at a meeting.
  • Warden: yeah thanks a lot asshole.
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  • Alistair: I never licked a lamp post.
  • Warden: you're going to be a great king.
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  • Shale: I hate pigeons.
  • Warden: attack Alistair.
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  • Zevran: *tries to kill Warden*
  • Zevran: *fails*
  • Zevran: hey sorry for that can I join your party maybe?
  • Warden: sure why the fuck not.
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  • Oghren: Branka I finally found you!
  • Branka: go fuck yourself you ugly useless drunk piece of shit.
  • Oghren: ahah I love this bitch.
  • Oghren: I'm gonna kill her tho.
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  • Zathrian: help us some werewolves are attacking us.
  • Zathrian: I turn some elves in werewolves back in the day actually.
  • Zathrian: that could be my fault but don't blame me I'm immortal.
  • Warden: what is your damage.
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  • Alistair: look I don't want to be king don't make me become king ok?
  • Warden: I got you bro don't worry.
  • Loghain: *is executed*
  • Warden: nice now Alistair you're going to be king
  • Alistair: fuCK
  • Warden: you're also going to marry Anora.
  • Alistair: I hate you so fucking much
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  • Morrigan: quick have sex with me so you don't have to die killing the Archdemon.
  • Warden: what.
  • Morrigan: if you impregnate me you won't die but I'll leave forever and you will never see the baby again.
  • Warden: the downside being?!
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  • Warden: *kills the Archdemon*
  • Warden: shit that bitch witch was right I'm alive fuck yes
  • Alistair: you did it motherfucker what are you gonna do now
  • Warden: I think I'll disappear for 2 games I mean 10 years maybe idk