How Bleach characters would have ruined Bleach Lists Girl’s wedding (had they come)
Wedding + Bleach requested by @crimsonightmare . :)
My actual wedding went off with very few hitches! Yes, my new wife stepped on and ripped my dress, and a bridesmaid tripped both up and down the aisle, and my hair was so short that my veil couldn’t stay on and fell off during the ceremony…but all of that was both minor and funny. But let’s be real. If any Bleach characters had crashed my wedding, it would have been RUINED. In fact, here are the ways that various Bleach characters would have ruined my wedding, if they had come!
Oh, and just a note for my new(er) readers: BLG stands for Bleach Lists Girl and is me!
1. Rukia: wears her bankai outfit as formal wear
An elderly relative, clasping Rukia’s hand: You are a more beautiful bride than I ever imagined.
BLG: THIS IS WHY YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WEAR WHITE
2. Hitsugaya: Does not enjoy dinner
Hitsugaya: Wait, why does everyone else have steak or chicken but I have chicken fingers?
Matsumoto: It’s probably nothing!
Hitsugaya: In fact, the only other people who have this dinner…
Hitsugaya: …are all KIDS
Hitsugaya: DID I GET SERVED THE KID’S MEAL?!
3. Yachiru: Enjoys the dessert (too much)
BLG: Uh…didn’t there used to be a dessert bar here?
4. Grimmjow: Mistakes the dancing for fighting
Ichigo: Dude, why did you punch that groomsman in the face??
Grimmjow: He freakin’ challenged me!!
Ichigo: HE WAS DANCING
Grimmjow: It was CLEARLY a pre-punch dance!
Ikkaku: I make that mistake all the time.
Ichigo: NOT HELPING
5. Ikkaku: Is amazed (by all the wrong things)
Ikkaku: The number of flowers the brides had to grow - incredible!
Ikkaku: And they all turned out so uniform and pretty!
Yumichika: You’re right, Ikkaku.
Yumichika: But maybe you should loudly observe this at a time when the brides AREN’T walking down the aisle.
Ikkaku (whispers): Sorry!
6. Yoruichi: Notices that the brides love cats
Yoruichi: I mean, the ceremony was very cat-heavy.
BLG: It was.
Yoruichi: You clearly wanted a cat at your wedding.
BLG: I did.
Yoruichi: So my showing up in cat form is a problem because…?
BLG: No, that was fine!
BLG: Turning human to dance with my brother and forgetting to have clothes on - that was the problem.
Yoruichi: Yeah, I keep forgetting the clothes thing.
BLG: THAT’S THE PROBLEM
6. Aizen: Gives a wedding toast
BLG: [sitting with her head in her hands]
Maid-of-honor: Look, things happen.
BLG: It was a twenty minute speech.
Maid-of-honor: The wedding is still going well!
BLG: He recapped what he had already said halfway through.
Maid-of-honor: This will be funny later!
BLG: It wasn’t even about us! It was about Ichigo!
Maid-of-honor: Yeah, that was a little weird.
BLG: Who gave Aizen a microphone???
7. Ulquiorra: Wants everyone to know his opinion on feelings
Ulquiorra: I once experienced a fleeting glimpse of what you humans might refer to as an ‘emotion,’
Ulquiorra: I immediately turned to dust.
Bridesmaid: Cool but this is a wedding.
Ulquiorra: Needs more dust.
8. Matsumoto: Gets very drunk
Matsumoto: Captain! It’s your song! You have to dance!!
Hitsugaya: I-I am not a single lady!
Matsumoto: Close enough!
Hitsugaya: PUT MY HAND DOWN
9. Ukitake: Brings a wedding gift
BLG: [staring at the nine-foot tall sculpture of her and her wife]
Ukitake: Akon made it!
10. Lisa: Leaves her gift on the gift’s table
Lisa: Which is exactly where gifts should go.
Kensei: Not if it’s unwrapped porn!!!
11. Bazz-B: Chooses the wrong venue for his fingers speech
Bazz-B: And that’s why one finger is all it takes!
Groomsman: I know this is a lesbian wedding, but is that really appropriate?
Bazz-B: What what do you think I’m talking about?
12. Ichigo: Is somehow better at being a bride than the actual brides
BLG (muttering): He LOOKED prettier than us…
BLG: Had a better dance…
BLG: Greeted all the tables way faster…
BLG: Pretty sure he killed a couple of hollows…
BLG: HE’S NOT EVEN A BRIDE - HOW IS HE BETTER AT IT THAN US?!
Byakuya: I feel this in my soul.