lately i’ve been thinking about twilight–namely, Bella Swan.

Bella Swan could have been a great heroine if she didn’t get the story she got. If she was given better writing, Bella’s story would have been something I would have loved to read.

A story where when Edward leaves, and Bella does grieve. It’s natural to feel hurt after a break up like that. But after her months feeling numb, I want Bella to pick herself up and think “fuck you.” She starts doing reckless things at first to see Edward, maybe, but then she starts doing them for her because they’re fun and she feels alive. She realizes she’s seventeen! and there’s so much more to life than waiting around for a boy to come around and love her. She doesn’t need to depend on someone that deeply. She’s going to live and she’s going to love and she’s going to do it all.

maybe she does date Jacob, they grow close and without her waiting for Edward she is happy. She goes through her senior year–she applies to college far away, out of state, across the country, out of the country. She loves Charlie but she misses the sunlight. Maybe she goes to school in California–somewhere new. She and Jacob break up eventually but they remain friends. 

and maybe Edward shows up again–maybe before she goes to college. he tells her “I made a huge mistake when I left.” And Bella Swan looks him in the eye and tells him “You made the biggest mistake of your immortal life and you’ll have to live with that forever.” and she walks the fuck away.

She travels, she studies abroad, she meets extraordinary people, she falls in and out of love, she dates, she learns how to dance. she lives. She doesn’t throw her life away for a vampire boy who she just met, a boy who treats her like she’s an object, a boy who left her without a glance back until it was too late.

Maybe when she’s in college she comes into contact with Alice again, Alice who had always been a friend to her. Bella sends her postcards every couple months from wherever she is, from California, from her travelling abroad, from her visiting her mother. She knows fully well that Edward will probably see them. and she thinks good.

let him see me live