(oh and btw thank you for always reblogging and saying such nice things about my art everytime :’) that flatters me so much)
But I was preparing this one for a long time. IT WAS SO LONG AND HARD TO DO QAQ But I’m glad I finished it before their birthday I was scared that I may not have the time but here it is. I’m pretty proud of it actually ;u; I worked so hard on it yay~
At first, I didn’t really want to celebrate it. For several reasons; reasons too long and complicated to even begin to explain. I can try, but it will require pages upon pages of it. But I’ll keep it short and share with you the main reason.
I’ve always dreaded birthdays because they signify aging. I don’t think I deserve to live. As a child, I had always been so sick and had been so close to dying that it truly is a miracle I’m still alive. One of my childhood neighbours, who was also my best friend and partner-in-sickness succumbed to death when we were 7. We were so close, we shared everything. Even when I had some shitty stuff going on at home, he was the one person outside of my family to whom I could turn to. We were both children at the time, so it was tough. Yet, he understood everything. We were always there for each other through it all.
Our birthdays were barely two months apart, and every year, I think of him when this day comes around. I lived, and he didn’t. Why was that?
A few years ago, I was in a really shitty place in my life (ironically, around the time of my 21st birthday), I had a dream about him. We were 6 years old again, laying on the veranda in-front of the apartment complex our families lived in. He told me I was meant to live a long and fulfilling life, and he was destined to die young. Nothing any doctor would have done could change that. I didn’t believe him at the time (it’s a dream, come on!) but as the years have gone by, I see his point.
And I still miss him…terribly. I’d like to think he is my guardian angel (amongst many others) watching over me. Lord knows I’ve come close to death several times since then, and still survived.
And I’m going to keep trudging on. My fiance organized a ‘surprise’ birthday party for me, my family and close friends are going to be there. He’s not big into things like this, so the fact that he did it for me means the world! And I love him for it.
Love….again, one of those things I truly believed I’d never find because I didn’t think I deserved it.
I’m going to own it. And celebrate it. Because it is a good day to be alive.