“Debes aprender a ponerte en contacto con la más profunda y pura esencia de tu Ser. Esta esencia verdadera va más allá del Ego, no conoce el miedo; es libre; es inmune a la crítica; no le teme a ningún reto, no es inferior a nadie, ni superior a nadie, está lleno de magia, misterio y encanto.”
“No acuse a los demás de ser inconscientes. En el momento en que usted comienza a discutir, se ha identificado con una posición mental y está defendiendo no sólo esa posición sino también su sentido de sí mismo. El ego entra a la carga. Usted se ha vuelto inconsciente.”
queen on a silver screen, living life like I’m in a dream. i know i’ve
got a big ego; i really don’t know why it’s such a big deal, though. and
i’m sad to the core, core, core; every day is a chore, chore, chore.
when you give, i want more, more, more; i wanna be adored.
So… A few days ago I bought a bikini online, and today it has arrived. I should put as disclaimer that I haven’t worn a costume, made someone see me with one or went to the beach/pool in over 5 years now. After the loss of my father I put on a shitloads of weight, and I went from thin to extremely overweight. I spent the past 2 years in London away from close minded people, I worked very hard on myself (my hidden big ego probably helped too), and I can say that now I am very close to being confident in the body I am in (even though I want to lose weight and become healthy again).
Two weeks ago I came back to Italy to see family and friends and my hard-earned confidence threatened to leave me for comments such as “if you put those shorts on while we’re together I’m gonna be ashamed of being out with you” or “you are too fat and your hips are too big, you can’t wear that maxi skirt”. Needless to say I had several panic attacks and crying fits, not because I’m a baby who can’t take negative comments but because I missed home and I didn’t want to lose the confidence I gained in two years. So… What’s best to feel comfortable again in my own skin than to buy a bikini? Today I put it on for the very first time and, I gotta say it, I didn’t feel comfortable knowing that tomorrow tons of people are gonna see me “half naked”. I don’t look good in it and I know it, my legs are big, my hips are big, my tummy is big. But you know what? I’m so damn tired of not doing what I enjoy doing and I’m tired of hiding again. So eff if all!
Screw my fears, screw body standards, screw summer body.I’ve been waiting 5 years to go to the pool so MY SUMMER BODY IS MORE THAN READY. It’s literally (no, not literally) screaming “I’ve done my waiting. 12 years of it. IN AZKABAN”.And it’s true, my fears were like a prison… It’s safe to say my body is Sirius Black (meaning I’m freaking hot). So yeah, here’s a pic of a happy me who achieved her goal and is ready to take on the next challenge!
Girls, remember: you are only who you let yourself think you are. Think positive, look in the mirror and smile because you are alive and beautiful and a freaking force of nature. You got it all.