Bernd-das-Brot

Do you know what I don’t understand?

How Bernd das Brot (literally Bernd the Bread) isn’t a meme. It is a super uncanny character and a macot of KiKA channel (we had through cable TV) about time when I was at primary school and till this day I remember how disturbed I was when I saw him on TV for the first time. 

Wikipedia literally describes him as chronically depressed loaf of bread.

Look at him.

Seriously, what is not to love about him.

There is a lot of things you miss out on when you’re German. However, there is also one thing everyone else will miss out on if they are not watching German TV.

Bernd das Brot.

The comedic highlight of our country is a pessimistic unlucky bread, which is currently explaining German history on the childrens channel of our stuffiest TV hosts.

This is Bernd. It’s the middle of the night and here he is. Exasperated with YOU for having nothing better to do than watch a practically meaningless TV program with no night schedule. He’s telling you that TV sucks. He uses the worst threat he can think of ‘Watching too much TV will make your internet slower’. But we’re persistent. And then he gets forced into explaining history to you - all while parodying the ways of modern media hilariously.

The Dark Ages - toppling over each other after the studio light has been temporarily turned off to make it more authentic.

Guttenberg invents book printing. Completely stylized as an advertisment…  poor Bernd ends up apologizing to the historical inventor - the man couldn’t have known that his idea would be 'misused’ for gossip magazines one day (example up there including 'hottest stories from the Vatican’)

Martin Luther had some ideas - nevermind that our bread actor doesn’t have long enough arms to nail them to the church portal.

And here we have it - a competive game to decide which religion is the better. Duration? 30 years. It ends in a tie. Well, too bad.

The Golden Twenties. Everyone’s having fun - does it continue that way? No, because the guy with the tiny mustache has to ruin the party.

Yeah. He’s as shocked as you are that they went there. Everyone’s sure judging him and walking away. But wait-

We’re apparently talking about the other guy with a tiny mustache here.

But not for long. They did go there. In German TV. Nobody in Germany ever talks about the war - except history classes and they will literally not shut up about it. And here we are.

A bread dressed up as the dictator, absent-mindedly playing with the globe.

A bread dressed up as the dictator  stepping on the toes of the allied nations, France, Sowjet Union, Britain, USA. Literally stepping on their toes. It’s what he does. Step. 

Needless to say they kick his ass for it.

This is on endless loop all night here - brilliantly scripted, putting a ton of history in simple 10 minutes - presented by a bread that could very much be our national icon figure. 

Let’s leave this with our bread imitating a certain president, under a certain airy bridge, speaking words that are legend-worthy.

'Ick bin ein Brot.’

I am a bread.

youtube


If you ever had a desire to see a depressed loaf of bread eternally stuck in a blank void explain the German history from the Neanderthals to the Fall Of The Berlin Wall to children - here you go. 

It’s with English subtitles. If you want to go straight to the history part, skip to 3:03 in. 

Also it’s of course 100 % historically accurate and serious.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m such a pessimistic, sarcastic little asshole … and then I remember I grew up watching a show about a constantly depressed, suicidal loaf of bread who walks around saying “ My life is hell ’‘ 

Thank you, german kids TV….you ruined my chance of being a normal member of society.

If you ever feel sad just remember that fucking german childrens show about the depressed loaf of bread

who is friends with a bud of weed and a sheep who’s a stunt woman
and if you think that’s not weird enough….
they went to hogwarts

still not enough??
well guess what!!
mother! fucking! star trek! episodes!

you can watch it on youtube with english subtitles (x)

@aarobron 
Oh, yeah, I am not even sure, if Bernd das Brot is supposed to be a good expierence. After all it’s about a loaf of bread with clinical depression trapped in a TV show about him he hates. And the only thing he ever wants is to finally get away from this nightmare, but he never succeeds. Poor fucker.
I am not sooo sure, why the producer thought that is the perfect guy to play at closedown of a kids channel, but I guess he is kinda relatable to us adult German folks ???