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SYNOPSIS: Bernd das Brot is the puppet mascot of the children’s network KiKa and star of his own show. He is described as a “depressed, grumpy, curmudgeonly, constantly bad-tempered, surly, fatalistic, melancholic loaf of pullman bread speaking in a deep, gloomy baritone.” He & his show has gained a cult following in Germany due to, as one writer puts it, having “epitomized the fundamental pessimism felt by many, if not most, Germans about, well, almost everything.”
His show features him involved in many adventures and situations that his network bosses put him into, much to his dismay, including diving through history, traveling on the Starship Enterprise, attending Hogwarts, and more - all in the company of his costars, a bud of weed and a stuntwoman sheep.
This stream will be showing several episodes in German, with English subtitles.
Sometimes I wonder why I’m such a pessimistic, sarcastic little asshole … and then I remember I grew up watching a show about a constantly depressed, suicidal loaf of bread who walks around saying “ My life is hell ’‘
Thank you, german kids TV….you ruined my chance of being a normal member of society.
There is a lot of things you miss out on when you’re German. However, there is also one thing everyone else will miss out on if they are not watching German TV.
Bernd das Brot.
The comedic highlight of our country is a pessimistic unlucky bread, which is currently explaining German history on the childrens channel of our stuffiest TV hosts.
This is Bernd. It’s the middle of the night and here he is. Exasperated with YOU for having nothing better to do than watch a practically meaningless TV program with no night schedule. He’s telling you that TV sucks. He uses the worst threat he can think of ‘Watching too much TV will make your internet slower’. But we’re persistent. And then he gets forced into explaining history to you - all while parodying the ways of modern media hilariously.
The Dark Ages - toppling over each other after the studio light has been temporarily turned off to make it more authentic.
Guttenberg invents book printing. Completely stylized as an advertisment… poor Bernd ends up apologizing to the historical inventor - the man couldn’t have known that his idea would be 'misused’ for gossip magazines one day (example up there including 'hottest stories from the Vatican’)
Martin Luther had some ideas - nevermind that our bread actor doesn’t have long enough arms to nail them to the church portal.
And here we have it - a competive game to decide which religion is the better. Duration? 30 years. It ends in a tie. Well, too bad.
The Golden Twenties. Everyone’s having fun - does it continue that way? No, because the guy with the tiny mustache has to ruin the party.
Yeah. He’s as shocked as you are that they went there. Everyone’s sure judging him and walking away. But wait-
We’re apparently talking about the other guy with a tiny mustache here.
But not for long. They did go there. In German TV. Nobody in Germany ever talks about the war - except history classes and they will literally not shut up about it. And here we are.
A bread dressed up as the dictator, absent-mindedly playing with the globe.
A bread dressed up as the dictator stepping on the toes of the allied nations, France, Sowjet Union, Britain, USA. Literally stepping on their toes. It’s what he does. Step.
Needless to say they kick his ass for it.
This is on endless loop all night here - brilliantly scripted, putting a ton of history in simple 10 minutes - presented by a bread that could very much be our national icon figure.
Let’s leave this with our bread imitating a certain president, under a certain airy bridge, speaking words that are legend-worthy.