Beer-Blog

WHAT TYPE OF LESBIAN YOU ARE BASED ON UR FAVE ALCOHOL

Beer Lesbian – Butch Dad. Always down for drinking games. Probably watches  football and loves the fuck out of it un-ironically. Wanted to play the drums in middle school.

Wine Lesbian – Would rather guzzle wine while watching jeopardy with her cat than go to a bar. Makes well thought out Harry Potter fan theories. Has a crush on Meryl Streep. 

Vodka Lesbian – Everyone’s favorite Pillow Queen. Gets drunk way too easily to be ripping shots but does it anyways. Always a hot mess. Complains about being straight passing. 

Gin Lesbian – Lesbian you find sitting alone listening to live music. Next level cool. Probably has more plants in her apartment than hairs in her head. Loves christmas. 

Tequila Lesbian – Best dancer of all other lesbians. Never predictable, and always a lil’ mysterious. Loves blind dates. Hates being talked over. 

Whiskey Lesbian – 100% BABE. Intimidates your dad. 

Next Generation Amortentia:
  • Rose: Old books, freshly made pumpkin juice, grandma's blueberry bread and coconut (Scorpius's shampoo).
  • Hugo: Soft sea-salt pretzels, hot chocolate, dry basil leaves and hazel wood.
  • James Sirius: Butterbeer, toasted sunflower seeds, cinnamon and chestnut wood.
  • Albus Severus: Strawberry jam, firewhisky, cinnamon cookies and clean sheets.
  • Lily Luna: Black tea leaves, cherry flower, rosemary water and blueberry.
  • Victoire: Orange and poppy seed juice (Teddy's favourite), lavender flower, incense and wet grass.
  • Teddy: Fresh ink, lavender flower (Victoire's hair), chai tea blend and rain.
  • Dominique: Almond wood, fresh ginger, bacon caramel and periwinkle flower.
  • Louis: Homemade chocolate-chip cookies, lemon-peel tea, Shell Cottage's wild blackberries and coffee.
  • Fred II: Basil tomato sauce, watermelon, honey-roasted almonds and menthol cigarettes.
  • Roxanne: Coffee grounds, apple and cinnamon soap, warm milk and chocolate.
  • Molly II: Lemon pie filling, olive oil, juniper wood and Diagon Alley's fish and chips.
  • Lucy: Freshly painted walls, chamomile flower, coconut oil and honey-lemon water.
  • Alice II: Wild flower garden, moist clay, lemongrass and pink pepper grounds.
  • Scorpius: Red Roses, roll-up cigarettes, elder wine and apple pie.
  • Lorcan: Cypress wood, blue champagne, jasmine tea and peppermint candy.
  • Lysander: Poppy flower, pumpkin-spice pound cake, caramelized apricot and muggle beer.

this is going to make me look like an asshole which is fine given that i am in fact an asshole, and i might actually have to make a banner or change my avatar or something for this to stick, but let me clear something up: if you are a man and we are not already mutuals, there is a reason for that, and that reason is that i do not care about you and i do not want you to follow me

no dadblrs, no craft beer blogs, no agonizing Film Reviews, no blogs dedicated to hawking your shitty midlife-crisis music career, no “artful nudes”, and so help me christ if i see the words “bernie sanders” even once i will not only block you, i’ll next-day-air you a clump of my own shit studded with bloodied human teeth

no new men

is the point