Bad-Mother

I am not a physically violent person; I literally don’t play sports bc I don’t like taking the ball away from other people and I take ants in my hand and put them on the grass so as not to hurt or kill them. But I want to hit my mother so bad, I want to hit her with all my strength, with all my anger. I won’t do it because it is wrong, but I want to hit her so so so so bad.

anonymous asked:

Telling poe that you’re pregnant?

You’d had your suspicions for a while now, but you simply hadn’t had time to give them any thought. The Resistance was busier than ever, with squadrons disappearing for new missions practically every day.

But now that you stood in front of the mirror in yours and Poe’s room, frozen in the middle of pulling a jumper over your head, there was no mistaking the beginning of a bump forming on your stomach.

You breathed out slowly, something akin to excitement beginning to flow through your veins as you covered your mouth with your hand. Excited and nervous thoughts raced through your mind.

“I have to tell Poe…is it a boy or a girl?…oh god, what if the base is attacked?…we can’t bring a child into this mess…what if I’m a bad mother?…”

“I have to tell Poe,” you whispered to yourself, finishing putting on your jumper before setting off at a brisk pace towards the main hangar.

“(Y/N), hey!” Snap called, waving at you from his perch on the wing of his ship. He noticed your distracted expression as you waved back absentmindedly.

“You looking for Poe?” he asked. You nodded. “Over there,” he told you, pointing to the other side of the hangar. You smiled distractedly as a thank you, jogging between ships and trying to resist the urge to touch your stomach as you approached your husband’s ship.

“Hey sweetheart!” Poe greeted you, jumping down from his X-wing to take you in his arms. “What brings you here?”

“Just wanted to see you.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but Poe still looked slightly doubtful. He pushed it aside though, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

You held your breath as he hugged you, suddenly paranoid that he’d notice the bump before you could even tell him.

“Can I speak to you?” you blurted out before you could lose your nerve. “In-in private?”

Your husband nodded, smiling reassuringly but curiously. “Lead the way.”

You took a deep breath, taking his hand in his and trying to think of somewhere nearby where you could talk in private. With nowhere coming to mind, you led him to stand beneath his X-wing. Poe raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“This feels very private,” he whispered dramatically, stooping slightly so as not to bump his head off the belly of the ship. Noticing your serious expression, he stopped joking and squeezed your hand comfortingly.

“I, um…” You trailed off, unsure how to start. “How…how do you feel about having children? Or…just one child?”

Poe furrowed his brow, trying to decipher what exactly you were telling him.

“How soon are we talking here? Like after the rebellion is over?”

You bit your lip nervously. “More like in about nine months, give or take a few?”

His lips parted in shock, his hands moving shakily to hold your shoulders.

“You…you’re really pregnant?” he whispered, the beginnings of a grin showing on his face. You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. “We’re gonna be parents,” he told you, the gleeful tone of his voice and the sparkle of tears in his beautiful eyes making you giggle in excitement.

“We’re gonna be parents,” you confirmed, grinning. Poe cupped your cheeks gently, bringing your lips to his repeatedly before smattering kisses across your face, making you giggle and wrap your arms around his shoulders.

“Can I tell people?” he asked, excitement bubbling from his lips in giggles that you’d never heard from him before. You nodded again, and he pressed his lips to yours before sprinting away across the hangar to tell Black Squadron the news.

You stood with your hand on your belly, smiling softly and feeling more ready than ever to start a family with Poe.

The high cost of missing a mother’s love.

The effects of growing up this way are painful and wounding. Girls define their emerging womanhood by identifying and bonding with their moms. But when that vital process is distorted—because their mothers are abusive, critical, smothering, depressed, neglectful, or distant—they’re left to struggle alone to try to find a solid sense of themselves and their place in the world.

It rarely occurs to them that their mothers were not loving, or even, in extreme cases, that they were malevolent. That’s too hard to admit, and allowing in that possibility produces acute anxiety in children, whose survival is so closely tied to their vital caretaker. It’s far safer for a child to believe that “if there’s something wrong between us, it’s because there’s something wrong with me.” She makes sense of her mother’s hurtful behavior by turning it into self-blame and feelings of inadequacy and badness, feelings that persist into adulthood no matter how accomplished she.

A little girl who was criticized or ignored or abused or stifled by an unloving mother becomes an adult who tells herself she’ll never be good enough or lovable enough, never smart or pretty or acceptable enough to deserve success and happiness. Because if you really were worthy of respect and affection, a voice inside whispers, your mother would’ve given them to you.

If you were that little girl, the daughter of a mother who couldn’t give you the love you needed so much, it’s likely that…you now go through your days with a cavernous gap in your confidence, a sense of emptiness and sadness. You’re never truly comfortable in your own skin. You may not trust your ability to love. And you can’t step fully into your life until you heal that gaping mother wound.

—  Dr. Susan Forward
All I wanted was for you to love me.
All I wanted was for you to tell me that I was enough even if it was a lie.
All I wanted was to be good enough for you.
All I wanted was for you to hold me in your arms.
All I wanted was for you to protect me.
All I wanted was for you to save me.
All I wanted was for you to tell me that it’s okay.
All I wanted was for you to not remind me of my past.
—  All I wanted was for all of this to be for a lover not my mother. // JustScribbledWords
Mothers’ Weekend

Hello there! Long time, no see (my bad I know) but, here: an Alicia Zimmermann-centric piece as she goes to Parents’ Weekend during Jack’s freshmen year. [focus on Alicia, Jack, and Shitty] 6k


Somewhere, deep in her heart, Alicia Zimmermann knows she is a bad mother.

It started out as a worry, as maybe it does for all new mothers, that she will be a bad mother. That she won’t know what to do with a baby or a toddler that one day she will accidentally drop him or forget to feed him or feed him something he is actually allergic to or maybe she’ll scar him emotionally somehow and she worried but she survived his childhood okay. And then, after he was five or six, she stopped worrying about it. She thought she was doing pretty good. Jack had hockey and loved hockey and, sure, they didn’t have deep emotional talks but she didn’t exactly have any basis of comparison. Television families told her she was doing okay. No teenage boy wanted to have deep talks with his mother. And, look, if Jack didn’t talk to her all that much as he turned 12 and then 13, at least he was still talking to his father. Mostly still about hockey but she… she thought that had counted. Hockey was like French, to her. Another language she could understand but couldn’t quite speak. But Bob could. He was on top of it. Jack was taken care of.

She loved Jack. That was never the problem. The problem was that her love wasn’t enough. It didn’t matter. It didn’t alert her to any of the facts and maybe it even blinded her– She loved her son and her son loved hockey and so she loved hockey too. She loved her son and then her son seemed to love a boy named Kent and they never talked about it but she let Kent come over all the time and she figured they would discuss it at some point. She just… assumed everything was okay. Even after he was diagnosed with the anxiety disorder and given pills. It was always… well, that was a little problem but it’s handled and under control and everything is okay now.

See. Bad mother.

A good mother would have known somehow.

A good mother would have pushed and prodded or sensed it without even having to be told.

A good mother would have paid attention to how hard Jack was on himself. A good mother would have made sure her son had interests outside of hockey. A good mother would have known that Jack’s long silences after losses weren’t normal. A good mother would have preached balance and fostered friendships with different types of people and stopped the fucking hockey.

She didn’t though. Stop the hockey. No, not Alicia Zimmermann. She encouraged it. She went to the games and cheered the loudest and she even loved it a little bit because she thought it brought him joy, like his father. She bought into the vision: Jack playing hockey like Bob, the Zimmermann legacy continued throughout the ages…

God, she even used to tease Jack about how it took his father three years to win a Cup and she was sure Jack could manage it faster than his old man.

A good mother wouldn’t have done that. So, see, she’s always been a bad mother. Even now, now that she’s almost lost him, now that she’s promised to do better, now that she’s finally read all the books and online articles about anxiety and pressure and the danger of sports and hockey culture… now she’s still just as bad. Just for different reasons.

Now she is a bad mother because it’s Saturday afternoon and he’s been at Samwell for almost three months and she does not feel like mothers are supposed to feel in this moment.

She glances around. At the sea of other mothers and fathers crammed onto Samwell’s campus for Parents’ Weekend. They are not nervous. They are excited. Happy. Enthusiastic. Overjoyed to see the teenager they had left just a couple months ago again. To her right is a father almost (but not quite) breaking into a run to give his son a hug. To her left, a mother has burst into tears. Happy tears.

And then there’s her. She’s not excited to see Jack. Well, no. No, it’s not that she’s not excited. She is. She is. (She is. She repeats it once more just to remind herself). She is just…

She is nervous too. More nervous than she is excited.

Keep reading

My future child: mom why is my cousin named Hermione?
Me: because your aunt loves Harry Potter
Future child: what about my name?
Me: enough questions Episode Six of The Get Down

DATING!KANG DANIEL

So dating this human marshmallow would include:

  • probably has a cheesy photo of you two as his lock screen from your first date 
  • and your name saved as something equally as cheesy like “my baby” or “beautiful”
  • his nicknames for you would include: “babe”, “baby”, “love” and his favorite one “kitten” 
  • would melt if you call him “oppa” 
  • insists that you dance with him even if you’re bad at it
  • making fun of his british accent, but he still does it because he loves seeing you smile 
  • loves hugging you and would cling to you like Seonho clings to Minhyun a koala when you two are alone 
  • holds your hand all the time, no matter when or where or who you’re with
  • like literally 
  • you would be sleeping and he still has his fingers interlocked with yours
  • complaining about how he spends more time with his cats than with you 
  • “but babeeee, the cats need my attention” 
  • “but i need it too” 
  • “aww come here and let’s all cuddle”
  • so you end up watching harry potter for the 10th time with him and his cats
  • falling asleep on the couch 
  • and waking up to daniel sleeptalking 
  • he would probably say the most random things like 
  • “hurry, hurry we need to go before they come” 
  • “who comes?” 
  • “they are gonna steal it, hurry hurry” 
  • “babe wake up, you’re dreaming”
  • “nooo, they stole my cereal Y/N !!”
  • and you always mock him for it “No ThEy StOlE mY cErEAl Y/N” 
  • and he shakes his head like “why am i even dating you” 
  • but he loves you so much he would do anything for you 
  • your mom adores him, she thought he was perfect the moment you first took him home
  • always asks you about him on the phone
  • “how’s daniel doing? you didn’t upset the poor boy, right ?” 
  • “what if he upsets me mom ?!” 
  • “nonsense, how could that boy do anything bad” 
  • “HELLO MOTHER-IN-LAW !!” *daniel screaming in the back* 
  • playing video games and him accusing you of cheating when he loses, but you’re just that good
  • “you lost, you’re doing the dishes for a week”
  • “i call for a re-match!” 
  • and he loses again and now he has to do the dishes for two weeks
  • fighting with sungwoo over daniel almost every day
  • “he is mine !”
  • “but he is my boyfriend!” 
  • “please… there is enough kang daniel for everybody” 
  • “shut up Kang, this is not about you” 
  • and Daniel has to bring Jisung over to calm you and Sungwoo for the 5th time that week
  • you would have super chill dates with sungwoo included, like picnics in the park or going to cute little coffee shops or festivals in the summer and ice-skating in the winter 
  • grocery shopping is hectic and you’re always fighting over what to buy
  • cause Daniel wants more stuff for his cats
  • but you need new make-up
  •  so Jisung is always there shoving the shopping list in your faces 
  • midnight runs to the store cause you’re hungry and he is sweet by offering to go
  • but calls you after 5 minutes cause 
  • “baby i just found the cutest cat outside your apartment”
  • “DANIEL NO” 
  • “but it’s so adorable, come see it” 
  • so you go and see a small fluff ball being hugged by a big fluff ball, but you still don’t agree cause he has 4 other cats to take care of
  • “pleaseeeee?” 
  • “noooo”
  • “but…” 
  • “no”
  • “pleaseeeeee”
  • “UGH FINE BUT WE’RE NOT GIVING HIM A BOY NAME AGAIN !”
  • and so you adopt another child and you can already hear daniel giving him weird names
  • “I SAID NO BOY NAMES, DANIEL !”
  • *CUE HANDS ON ME AND BRING HOLY WATER*
  • well now this boy right here
  • would love it if you wear lingerie, especially in cute colors like pink or white and probably kitten collars with thigh high stockings 
  • i feel like he would be into pet-play and would let you call him daddy if he knew you liked it 
  • he really knows what he’s doing in bed + high stamina from being a dancer = sore mornings for you
  • you didn’t even need to tell him what you like and he already knew all of your soft spots and how to make you tremble under his touch 
  • likes holding your hands above your head as he kisses your neck and your collarbone 
  • lots of biting like you’re lips, neck, chest, thighs literally anywhere
  • HICKEYS 
  • teasing, i think he would enjoy teasing you, like kissing you slowly and taking his time kissing you and caressing your skin
  • “Daniel hurry up”
  • “Patience, kitten”
  • really good at giving, knows how to make good use of that tongue
  • always keeps his hands on your hips as he kisses the inside to your thighs and your core 
  • would let you ride his face 
  • likes looking at you as he pleasures you so he would want to do it in front of mirrors 
  • usually really sweet and loving; holds your hands even then and probably maintains eye contact and gives you assuring smiles 
  • “you’re so beautiful baby”
  • can turn rough and super dominant at times 
  • like if you’re teasing him on purpose while you’re out with his friends then good luck when you get home 
  • he would have you face down as he’s thrusting into you from behind
  • likes slapping your ass and pulling your hair as he whispers “I love you” into your ear 
  • you’re gripping the sheets trying not wake your neighbours 
  • but he wants to hear you scream his name so he goes even harder 
  • and you can’t hold it in anymore so you just let it go and yell his name 
  • “that’s right, kitten. tell everyone who you belong to.” 
  • would be a mess when receiving 
  • lots of heavy breathing and grunts 
  • with soft, inaudible moans 
  • but you enjoy teasing him too so you just kiss his erection through his boxers while massaging it 
  • so he starts complaining and begging until you finally take him in your mouth 
  • and then he turns silent and is biting his lips while grabbing the sheets 
  • “baby… i… i’m close” 
  • never fails to say “I love you” after he finished
Mother Moon

Aries Moon can get rebellious and impatient with their mom but admires them when older. They can see their mom as invincible when really young. 

Taurus Moon can see their mom as a constant in their life. They see them as someone they can get advice or even financial help from. A bad relationship with their mom can result in thinking their mom owes them something or they hold a grudge for years.

Gemini Moon can see their mom as a friend or main line of support. They can also be distant with their mom.

Cancer Moon is super close with their mom, even dependent at an older age. Bad mother relations create “mommy issues”. They see their mom as a nurturer, caregiver, and provider.

Leo Moon looks up to their mom and sees them as a role model or hero. They can also see them as a major authority-figure and stubborn leader.

Virgo Moon sees their mom as someone who puts their kids priorities first or their works priorities first. 

Libra Moon views their Mom with a lot of trust, openness, and positivity but can also see their mom as someone they have to always please.

Scorpio Moon views their mom as someone who has power over them in someway, good or bad. They can have a deep bond with them.

Sagittarius Moon can view their mom as a friend, mentor, and/or role model. They could also in a sense “outgrow” their mom or become disillusioned by her.

Capricorn Moon sees their mom as a provider and/or authority. They usually respect their mom. Issues surround lack of emotional openness.

Aquarius Moon sees their mom as a friend, teacher, and a fountain of wisdom. They can be detached or rebellious towards them too. They can have an unusual relationship with their mom somehow.

Pisces Moon sees their mom as a sacrificer and can be grateful towards them, they could see their mom as a main influencer in their life. They can see their mom as someone they have to take care of. They can have a strong intuitive bond. Mom could easily manipulate them.