Baby-Vans

i love that part in baby driver’s final showdown where buddy can’t seem to land a hit on baby and he just screams something to the effect of “HOLD STILL, BABY, YOU GODDAMN CHILD” and for a second he sounds like a frustrated father trying to wrangle his toddler for a bath and not a vengeful psychopath desperately trying to murder a lethal young driving savant who has already hit his stolen police cruiser with like three different cars.

PLEASE READ. IT’LL BE WORTH IT. 

Pregnancy is beautiful, despite what is said about cramps, cravings, how gross and fat you feel, how bad the kicks are, etc. Even with all of that, pregnancy is a blessing that many aren’t able to experience. Be grateful. 

September 2016- A baby was conceived and I had no idea. 

October 2, 2016 - I found out I was pregnant. At first, I was scared, I’ll admit. I had the thoughts “am I fit to be a mother?” and “Am I ready?” but that’s the thing, you are never going to be ready for a baby. After I realized that, my boyfriend and I were ecstatic. I was going to have a baby of my own! 

November 2016- I woke up with bleeding like a period, no cramps. My boyfriend rushed me to the hospital that day, I remember praying and crying on the way there. After about two hours, they took me to the back and I saw my baby for the first time. I got a little teary-eyed. My boyfriend and I created something beautiful. Nothing was wrong, it was just bleeding from the baby planting itself in the uterus. 

Also November 2016 (a few days later)- My boyfriend finally got to see the baby and once again, I cried. 

January 6, 2017- (16 weeks) I got the first picture with my baby bump! I loved my bump! (Everyday after that, it got a little bigger)

January 23, 2017- (18 weeks) We found out she was a little girl! I bawled my eyes out that day, I was so excited. A little mini-me! After the appointment, we went and bought a box and some pink balloons to give our family a little gender reveal. My boyfriend’s sister was also pregnant, a week/week and half ahead of me. She too was having a girl. I remember the vibe in the room was so happy and excited. 

January 28, 2017- (19 weeks) I woke up at 8am. I ate, and was just relaxing in bed. Nothing out of the ordinary. 10am, the cramps hit me. After about an hour or so, I called my mom, my boyfriend was out of town. She called the on-call doctor and she said take tylenol, drink four bottles of water, and take a warm bath and I would be fine. I did as told. The pain only got worse. Around 3pm, I started bleeding. I couldn’t get up at this point, I was in so much pain. My mom got home and demanded we go to the hospital, she called the abulance seeing as I couldn’t get up. They got there and so did my boyfriend’s parents. I was escorted to a hospital (unnamed for legal purposes idk), the worst hospital there is around my area. When I got there, the lady refused to believe that I was as far long as I said I was. She was very rude. Eventually, they got me into a room where they checked my baby’s heartbeat and then sent me to have a pelvis exam. NO PAIN MEDICINE AT ALL. Keep that in mind. After being checked, they sent me to a different floor, but wasn’t allowed to go to the Labor and Delivery floor because I wasn’t 20 weeks. The doctor I had was an absolute beast. She refused to do anything with me, she said there was nothing she could do, no pain medicine, no nothing. An ultrasound tech came in and mashed really hard on my stomach, I’ve never had an ultrasound hurt. She then told me that my cervix was opening and what I was feeling was contractions. I was in labor. My heart sank, it was too soon to be in labor. 

The beast of a doctor came back in with a “specialist” and they proceeded to tell me that my baby was going to die and they were not going to stop it. EXACT WORDS. I lost it at that point, my boyfriend had came as fast as he could back home and to the hospital. He was beside me when they said that, and I remember losing it and yelling to him “Don’t let them kill my baby! Please!” My boyfriend, my mom, my mother-in-law (almost) and myself were all crying by this time. My mom started arguing with them and my boyfriend asked if they could sign a paper to transfer me. The beast refused saying she didn’t want to be held responsible if something were to happen, so she wouldn’t allow me to leave. We had to sign a consent form to leave, saying whatever happens is on us and not them. 

Lovely nurses helped me get back to my mother-in-law’s van where my father-in-law was waiting. They were going to drive me to a different hospital that’s usually an hour away. My boyfriend was holding my hand and praying out loud the whole time, his whole family was. It was very comforting and it made my heart feel a little at ease. 

In 30 minutes, we were at the next hospital. A couple of nurses came out and one told me to get into the wheelchair, I cried and said I couldn’t move. She yelled “Do you want to have this baby in the van?!” and that’s all it took for me to muster up the strength to get up and move myself to the chair. They helped of course. 

They got me checked in and put me in a small room. A nurse came in and said that they would do all they could to save the baby if she came out alive, but if she didn’t then there was nothing they could do. I understood her, she was way better than the beast. She was very gentle and caring. Another ultrasound tech came in to take the baby’s heartbeat, and she couldn’t find one. Bless her soul, she told me it was because the baby had moved so far down. I knew the truth, my baby had died. My first child, the child I had carried for four months, the child I had planned for so much, the child I had (and still do) loved unconditionally and with all my heart. 

I had the nicest nurses when I was moved into an actual room. 26 hours of labor later, I had my baby girl. She was born on January 29, 2017. She weighed 11 ounces. She looked exactly like her father, down to a freckle on her chest. He had one in the same exact spot. Yes, I got to hold her, and so did he. I wish I could’ve met her while she was alive, but I was not being greedy at that moment. I was full of love and grief. Why my baby girl? Why me?

I cried on and off for days and days. We got her cremated and now she sits on our mantle in our new house we have together. We have pictures they took. 

If you have ever went through something stillbirth, or miscarriage, you can come talk to me. I didn’t stop crying until two weeks later. It’s OK to grieve. I promise you, if anyone tries to tell you different, then they don’t need to be in your life. Crying helps a lot, it at least helped me. Try to keep your mind occupied. Yes, you can think about it, but not every second. Trust me, it’s not healthy. To this day, I still miss my baby girl so so much. We are currently trying to conceive again, and I’m scared. What if it happens again? But I can’t think like that, I have to trust God and let him make the decisions. I just have to stay positive. I just wanted to share my story just in case someone out there has been through this, is going through this, or has had something similar happen to them. I AM HERE FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Please, please message me. Don’t give up hope, keep trying. I WILL HELP YOU!

- I’m sure I missed some things but I’ll just keep you updated if I did. I love anyone who took the time to read this, thank you. 

Jo xx

i’m literally the only person who finds the concept of a stydia son adorable??

•like imagine him being the spit of stiles with his long eyelashes, lil nose and dark hair (but he has lydia’s green eyes and dimples.)
•he would wear lil plaided shirts like his dads and baby converse/vans
•him being a mama’s boy and always telling his mom how beautiful he thinks she is
•stiles and lydia saying “our little man”
•stiles introducing his family to his co workers “that’s my sun (points at lydia and that’s my son”.
•lydia raising him up as a lil gentleman
•stiles giving him a lil baseball bat
•scott being his godfather and letting him go to his work with him to look at all the baby animals (and would take him to zoo a lot too)
•grandpa stilinski babysitting him a lot and every time he does something mischievous he thinks about lil stiles and just smiles at his lil grandson and would call him “mischief maker” or saying something like “you’re the creation of mischief” (bc stiles was dubbed mischief by his mom when he couldn’t pronounce his name)
•melissa and argent treating him like their grandson and he would frequently go over to theirs and play with scotts kids
•boys trip with sciles or stiles/noah
•lydia helping him with his homework and is very patient with him and appreciates his effort and calls him her little genius
•lydia, scott and stiles being proud af and watching his game whether it’s lacrosse, football or baseball or if he’s into drama his play
•sciles teaching him to drive in the jeep (if it’s still around) and them giving him duck tape for when stydia eventually gets him a car