BURNIE-BURNIES

which rooster teeth worker should you fight by me
  • geoff ramsey: do it. he looks scary but he's not. he is afraid of snakes so if you wear a shirt that has a snake on it he will lose his powers. however if you catch him drunk, run. but if he's sober, do it. fight geoff ramsey but be careful
  • jack patillo: why would you ever fight jack. he is a perfect ray of sunshine. there is magic in his beard. he is large and made of love and probably like kittens or something. don't do it. don't fight jack
  • ryan haywood: DO!! NOT!! FIGHT!! RYAN!! HAYWOOD!! HE WILL TEAR YOU A NEW ASSHOLE AND LOOK ADORABLE WHILE DOING IT AND YOUR FAMILY WILL MISS YOU DO NOT FIGHT RYAN HAYWOOD
  • michael jones: fight michael. he's a ball of rage and if you let him get close he'll fuck your shit up but you can just put your hand on his forehead and hold him at arm's length while he tries to run at you like a bull. lindsay will probably cheer for you. do it. fight michael
  • gavin free: just sorta punch him in the nose and he'll probably squawk and fall over and start crying. but there will be no glory in fighting gavin free. only sadness. why would you do such a thing. you can fight gavin if you really want to but it will be an empty victory and you should probably rethink your life afterwards
  • burnie burns: don't fight burnie. he's 6'2 and he punched out a horse once. the laws of mortals do not apply to burnie burns and he will fire you even though he's not CEO anymore. don't do it. don't fight burnie.
  • jon risinger: you can maybe fight jon but only if you're okay with losing all your points. depending on what mood he's in he may award you points for winning. fight jon risinger but only if you're feeling lucky
  • gus sorola: he'll probably run away and bitch about you on the next podcast. it would be hilarious to everyone else and you would have brought laughter to the lives of millions. do it. fight gus.
  • joel heyman: you cannot slay a god
  • lindsay jones: you could maybe fight lindsay but only by being sneaky and even then michael would snap your neck if you win. distract her with conveniently placed cat pictures and you could sucker punch her because let's face it, you couldn't take her one on one. maybe fight lindsay but only with prep time
  • ray narvaez jr: he's already dead don't hurt him more
  • chris demarais: do it. fight chris. it'll be hilarious give him a wedgie and hang him off something by his underwear. take his lunch money. buy something cool with it. shove him in a locker. fight chris demarais
  • barbara dunkelman: she's canadian she'll just ascend into her moose form and headbutt ur ass to the nearest tim hortons. don't fight barbara
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Burny!!! - SolidS (1080p) [ LYRICS 歌詞付 ]

Rewatching Gavin’s Game Time with Burnie, and honestly, everything in it is prime FAHC!Gavin material.

From SMG to Rooster Teeth, it’s like he created two separate personas once he started into a different world.

SMG Gavin is quieter—almost shy—and competent, the consummate professional. He’s young, him and Dan essentially built their empire from the bottom up at an astonishingly young age, but it’s obvious he knows how to be in charge. Gavin and Dan both know their strengths, and they rely on each other for support, but Gavin’s the planner, the one to ensure things go smoothly. They run a two-person operation, and all jobs fall to them. Gavin is the hacker, more comfortable behind the screen, but he also is a frontman. He’s focused on his goal, whether that means sitting in front of a computer for 37 hours straight to verify they have the correct codes for their latest two-person heist, or setting up meetings with potential allies in the hopes of expanding their empire. His job is a projection of their ideals, of their sacrifices to get to where they are, and he refuses to let everything they’ve worked for go to waste.

Not to say he isn’t a total goofball. The boys dance around while they wait for clients and they set off explosions in empty alleys just for shits and giggles. Dan rides his motorcycle too fast through London traffic, spurred on by his B laughing maniacally behind him. They know each other better than they know themselves, and while they are well aware that the other is more than capable of defending themselves, they are insanely overprotective of each other, sometimes to the detriment of themselves.

When Gavin moves to Los Santos as the heir apparent, his new persona is sculpted and cultivated through watching Burnie and Geoff.

Burnie teaches him management, how quality is far superior to quantity, and how trust and loyalty within a gang will lead to a stronger empire than fear and money will. He shows him how to spot a bad deal, and how to retreat when there’s no win in sight. But, most importantly, Burnie fosters the creativity in Gavin, and the confidence to continue on in a city that revels in its blood-stained streets.

Geoff teaches him the ways of a frontman, how to be what people want you to be. He tells him to cherish being underestimated, because it will be all the more sweeter when you see the looks on their faces when they realize they were wrong. He teaches him the importance of remaining calm in a deal, of never showing your hand to the person across the room. As a frontman, you’re unflappable, calm, cool, and collected. It’ll help in tough situations, but, more importantly, it’ll piss them the fuck off. Geoff teaches him to enjoy the finer things in life, while not being afraid to get your hands dirty.

“Expect the unexpected,” he tells Gavin. “There’s never a dull day when you’re in a city as depraved as this one.”

Gavin embraces it. He buys $6000 designer gold sunglasses. He dyes his hair bright, peroxide blond. He gets golden plated guns, cars, and rocket launchers. He becomes the Golden Boy, the bright, shining face of the Fake AH Crew.

Gavin won’t say it isn’t taxing. He has responsibilities—to Geoff and the rest of the FAHC, to Burnie and his associates, to Dan—and sometimes it’s hard to keep it all straight in his head. But this is what he was meant to do, and he’ll do what’s needed. Infiltration, extraction, hacking, he’ll do it all. He put countless years of blood, sweat, and tears to become one of the best in his profession, and he’ll be damned if he lets that go to waste.