Asi-pasa

anonymous asked:

Auntie, i am asexual but my gf has a sex drive out of this world and I know it bothers her that we're not having sex. It makes me feel bad but I also know it is my right not to do something that makes me uncomfortable.

Oh, man. I’ve been in a relationship like this. I was with a girl with a very high sex drive, and I am…. the exact opposite. I wondered if I was asexual for a good decade, actually. She managed to pressure me into having an open relationship with her because I ‘wasn’t giving her what she needed’, and so she was out sleeping with other people while I was at home, doing 100000 assignments, or at work earning money and in the toilets crying over the fact I wasn’t ‘enough’ for the person I was in love with. She ended up falling for a mutual friend of ours (who rejected her) and then acting like it was all my fault. 

Look, it’s going to be difficult for me to be balanced in this situation, because as a result of having sex with many people at times I definitely didn’t want to, my firm, absolutely, non-flexible answer is: never have sex with anyone if you don’t genuinely want to. Don’t do it. Just don’t. Don’t let people ‘convince’ you. It will fuck you up. 

There are many ways to want to have sex even if you’re not that into it or you have no sex drive: you may not really care about sex but be feeling really in love with your partner and want to please her, or you may feel like a bit of a romp, or you may decide that, yes, you’re up to giving her sex this evening, or maybe you just feel like some intimacy and you’re happy to give her sex as part of that - you don’t have to have a sex drive to be comfortable with sex in those situations.

Essentially, your partner must come to terms with the fact you have a low/non-existent sex drive and nagging you for sex will just make you feel guilty and want it less. It’s her libido she needs to manage herself. If she can’t, the relationship as it currently stands isn’t going to work.

If you’re poly you might consider opening up the relationship so you two can find someone who has a sex drive like hers… that didn’t work at all in my experience (because I’m not poly), but it’s worth considering anyway. Don’t let her pressure you into it, though. 

Maldición, ya no se que hacer. ¿Dejarte ir?, ¿Buscarte?, ¿Olvidarte?, ¿Hablarte?
—  Blue Moon (¡¿Que hago?!)

anonymous asked:

Hi auntie, I have the sort of opposite situation to the asexual anon back there. I have a high sex drive, and my partner is asexual, and I'm always freaking out about accidentally pressuring them into being sexual. We've talked about it of course, and they said that eventually down the road, if I want to have sex, he doesn't mind at all. But I'm still concerned some. Don't suppose you have any suggestions as to what to do?

You’re already doing the right thing. If you don’t pressure him to have sex and give him the freedom to dictate when it happens, that’s great :)