You know, I just want to say thank you to all the asexuals here on tumblr. Because without you, I would still think that being ace was a terrible thing.
You see, me of a year or two ago was trying desperately to figure out her sexuality. And then one night while scanning the internet, this Younger Me found a test that said, “Are you asexual?” and several accounts from asexual people. And so I read about asexuality and found out about it. Then I took the test. Now, of course these tests do not truly determine someone’s sexuality, but nevertheless I was distressed when the test told me that I was most likely asexual (something I now know to be true). I was distressed because, like many others, I was what we might call the Unwanted Sympathizer. “Oh, how sad,” I thought, “Never to feel sexual attraction. What a half-life,” my asexual self said, while sitting on her asexual ass and holding her phone in her asexual hands, having never experienced sexual attraction in my life.
I didn’t want to be asexual. I was terrified of the concept. I was horrified and saddened and I cried because I think I knew somewhere inside that I was asexual, despite what I seemed to think of it at the time.
And I eventually fooled myself into believing that just because I was so deeply afraid of being ace, then it meant that I wasn’t. I didn’t have any problem with asexuals, particularly, but I thought that it must suck to be one.
But– I avoided anything that had to do with asexuals. I backed out of a fanfiction because I realized one of the characters was asexual. I was in complete denial of my own asexuality.
And then I, thinking I was simply another cishet girl, joined Tumblr. And let me tell you.
The people I chose to follow reblogged so many ace positive posts (some of them being ace themselves) and so many posts wherein they explained the true nature of asexuality, and were in general such kind, good, obviously not distressed about being asexual, and obviously not living some form of sad half-life that I came to realize that being ace was completely and utterly valid and okay, and absolutely nothing to be sad about. More, I learned all about the ace spectrum and the existence of demisexuality. I read @makapedia ’s fabulous demi Soul Eater stories and suddenly everything seemed a lot more okay.
Now, as I sit here on December 2, 2016, as a proud biromantic demisexual, I would just like to say thank you to all those asexuals who are positive and proud of who you are. This site may not be a perfect place, but it sure helped me.
Hello, all my ace friends. There was an article in the Cosmo snap story today about asexual people and I was so happy. It was actually accurate and not calling us broken or weird-which is what I expected it a mainly sexual magazine/site. Thought I’d share with you all
For all those beautiful asexual people out there feeling down after ace discouse.
Through self-reflection and community, I came to terms with my asexuality.
But I cannot honestly say that I always feel 100% proud of my asexuality. I don’t always bleed purple, grey, and black. Every now and then, old insecurities creep up and I have to change my perspective.
To do this, I use affirmations.
Because I attend a “new age-y” spiritual community (church) that swears by them, I am no stranger to affirmations.
I use them almost every morning to start my day. They’re helpful when I need to make career moves, when I’m concerned about financial circumstances, or when I’m doubting my ability to succeed on a project I’m working on.
I’ve found that when in doubt, affirmations remind us of the truth about who we are. So applying them to concerns about sexual orientation is a natural fit.
Anyone can use affirmations to help them silence negative self-talk or replace fears with empowering statements that tell the truth.
When ace humor couldn’t get me to crack a smile, affirmations did the job.
Try out these five affirmations if you’re struggling with accepting your asexuality, or need a reminder of truth every now and then.
And it’s asexual awareness week again! Here is a comic I drew last year but never got around to posting. I did this shortly after realising I was ace and all the warm feelings it gave me. I know some people struggle a lot with accepting this part of themselves, but I was just so happy to finally find a place I belonged in, people that actually understood what I felt.
Asexuality and Aromanticism is really something that needs to be talked more about. If I had known that not feeling sexual or romantic attraction was ok, I could have been much happier in the relationships I was in, and potentially have saved one of them thanks to being able to talk about my feelings instead of not understanding them, or I would have allowed myself to say ‘no’ to sex instead of feeling like I had to because i didn’t have a good enough reason to say no to my partner.
So many things could have turned out differently if I had just known I was ace when I was younger. And that’s why we need asexuality awareness week, and we need it to get bigger.
since my last post about this pissed people off, here’s another reminder that demisexuality and gray-asexuality are completely 100% valid orientations, and if you think otherwise you are wrong. this is non negotiable, end of story, thank you.