Anonymous

anonymous asked:

Hannibal was a weak b*tch for succumbing to nominative determinism. Oh you eat people cause your name rhymes with cannibal? Boo, foh with that shit what kind of spineless puppet are you. I'm going to name my son Brenocide and raise him to be a Zen gardening consultant to flex on the Fates.

How does it feel to be the funniest motherfucker to ever grace my inbox

anonymous asked:

got any cursed facts about falcons?? 🥺👉👈

compared to hawks, falcons have shorter and weaker talons and shorter beaks! this, combined with a lighter overall build, means that falconkind is really badly unsuited to do the hawk/eagle/owl thing where they just plunge out of the sky and stab a rabbit to death with their feet.

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so what they do instead is fly really high in the air, keeping an eye out for unwary birds they could get the drop on, and then they DROP. and as they drop, they curl their talon into a fist, which they use to strike their unwary prey at speeds well in excess of a hundred miles per hour. (this either stuns or outright kills the unlucky target) 

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and this method works so well that they can even take down birds much larger than themselves, like ducks!

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so basically,

FALCON

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PUNCH

anonymous asked:

Your thoughts on the uptick on tourist/ wildlife conflict? Seems like it’s every week this season!!!

Oh gosh.

It has been bad this year. We’re on track to have the most injuries of any year in recent history.

So I’m of the belief that this comes down to a couple things, one of which is going to expose a major personal bias of mine (you’ll know it when you see it):

  • There aren’t enough Rangers this year to keep folks appraised of the rules: So this year we’re operating on a highly reduced staff. Most years Interpretive Rangers are out in force, and we’d be able to keep folks away from animals, respond to calls about wildlife jams (traffic jams caused by animals, either by their standing in the road, or by folks stopping to look). That gives us the ability to both educate the public about safe wildlife viewing rules, and prevent folks from getting into situations that might be dangerous.
  • People Don’t Read Signs: This is a maxim in the NPS, folks just… they don’t try to read the signs, or the park newspaper, or anything. They will make no effort to educate themselves for their own safety, and will deliberately misread signs they understand to try and get away with things they want to do, which brings me to…
  • People want a ‘unique’ experience: People right now, for better and worse, are inundated with social media. There’s an expectation that there are things you need to see, because that’s What You Do in the area. Add to that though that folks are always going to want something that other people don’t have. That means getting closer to the bear for that great picture. Getting closer to the bison because ‘he seems calm.’
  • The Government Encouraged Unprepared Folks to Come into Wilderness Spaces: When COVID was first getting serious, many state and local governments encouraged people to go outside, go camping and hiking. The CDC is still saying that camping is an extremely low risk activity. As a result a FLOOD of people with no outdoor experience rushed into outdoor places. Zero preparation, zero outdoor knowledge, all these people who would usually vacation in Hawaii are trying to visit the few National Parks that they know offhand. As a result they are used to a resort-type experience, and assume that the space they’re entering is as controlled of an experience as a big hotel complex in the Bahamas. They are, of course, wrong.
  • The Disney-fication of Wild Spaces
  • Movies: People get these images in their heads of movie characters, especially Disney movie characters, having these magical experiences with animals. They hold out their hands, and the animal comes to them. They think they have a special connection with wildlife, that they’re different than those fools who get hurt. They hold onto this mindset and do things that they really shouldn’t be doing because they want to think they’re special.
  • Theme Parks: So Disney has made a lot of money off making fake, sanitized versions of America’s outdoor spaces, packaging them and selling them to folks. People see the old 1903 Inn near where I worked last year, and their first response is always “Oh like the one in Disneyland!” This is the introduction a lot of first-time National Park travelers have to our park. Then they come out here, where there are no smoke machines on the hot springs, they are boiling; there are no safe animals; there are countless ways to die, even in the front country; and they have NO IDEA how to deal with that. Their image of a National Park is a sanitized theme park area, so they show up here asking “What are the Best Attractions to do here?” and assuming that they are as safe here as they would be in Disneyland. They assume we wouldn’t let them do anything dangerous, and wouldn’t allow dangerous things to come to them, because of course! There’s just this fundamental misunderstanding about what National Parks are for. Yeah, we want you to have a good time, but this isn’t a theme park and if someone can’t get their head around that they’re going to always be in a more dangerous spot that someone else.
  • This is America and I’ll Do What I Want: Self explanatory.

Anyway, here are the rules for seeing large wildlife:

  • Stay 25 yards (25m) away from all large animals, except…
  • When watching bear and wolves stay 100 yards (100m) away
  • If an animals moves toward you, it is on YOU to maintain that distance
  • In a car you are not obligated to maintain that distance
  • If you’re watching a bear from your car you probably want to keep your windows up
  • Do not feed animals, or by inaction cause an animal to eat human food
  • A fed animal is a dead animal
  • Wildlife management doesn’t want to remove animals, but by feeding the animal you killed it
  • Throwing a bite of food to a bear is as good for that bear as you getting out of your car with a shotgun and pumping a dozen rounds of buckshot into its face
  • A habituated bear is more likely to hurt humans in the future, so feeding that animal might also get a person hurt or killed
  • Even squirrels and birds (but we won’t have to remove them, they’ll just die by themselves)
  • If an animal changes its behavior because you’re around, you should move further away from it
  • Do not fly drones near animals (they are illegal in National Parks anyway, but it stresses them out A LOT)
  • Remember you are a house guest in this animal’s home, be a good guest by practicing leave no trace
  • If the next person to pass by where you were can tell you were there, you did not practice leave no trace
  • This means no making cairns, no painting rocks, no carving your name into a tree
  • Do not disturb anything you don’t have to

anonymous asked:

Hi! Could you pls elaborate about how Hamilton influenced actual politics?

aside from all of this, look at the optics. hamilton is a neoliberal wet dream and a postcolonial nightmare. there’s the fact that jefferson is portrayed as a goofy caricature, washington is a stern and noble father figure, hamilton is a scrappy immigrant despite him literally being a colonizer in the caribbean. sally hemings is a throwaway line and hamiltion’s abolitionist efforts are hysterically exaggerated because lin is in love with this dead white creep

there’s the fact that the whole musical thrives on the politics of american values and american freedom while using counter-culture music and aesthetics from the mouths of colonizers and slaveowners, effectively stripping the original art form of its political significance

it’s the fact that mike pence was in attendance BECAUSE of the musical’s role in us civil religion. hamilton is no functionally separate from reciting the pledge or cosplaying as the washingtons for the fourth of july. it’s the fact that people quote hamilton lyrics at pence and trump despite the fact the characters in question were no better than them because they owned human fucking cargo 

liberals, centrists, and conservatives all love hamilton because despite whatever intentions is Originally had, it is essentially a tool to numb potential radicals through art. it affirms something that they already assumed, america the beautiful, america the great, american greatness is in its mythos and the lie of the american dream. america works and has potential for exceptionalism! the foundations work! that’s why we can’t make fundamental changes to said foundations! because they work! and if you work hard enough to weave yourself into the narrative of the united states then that should be enough! who tells your american story? you do. this is your america! america is yours!

anonymous asked:

why’re giraffes so violent

most big herbivores are, frankly. if you have a pretty steady supply of food and don’t have to worry about missing a hunt and starving to death, you can afford to throw your weight around more and generally be more aggressive!

that’s why the most dangerous big animals in the world are almost all herbivores.

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anonymous asked:

wait how did YOU learn how to walk in heels??

Step one: go to a thrift store and buy a battered pair of knee-high boots in your size. They have a blocky heel, tapered to a perfect one-inch square of stomping force.  They have seen better days; they are about to see better nights. 

Step two: you are thirteen years old and you have just moved to a house in the woods, built on a lot of untouched forest that slopes steeply to a quiet dark river. There are trails cut, tentatively, into the otherwise dense trees, and you have never moved before. You have never lived in a place that you do not know like you know your own hands, like you know your own stride. 

Step three: it is two in the morning on a fall night with a full moon, and there is no screen in your window. It’s easy to open, easy to step out, and with the heels of your boots you don’t even have to stretch for the ground under your feet. It’s soft dirt, turned up by the foundation of the house, and the square blocky boot sinks in deeply as you slide out into the night. Your cat, two bright eyes in the dark and white, flashing teeth, leaps out after you, darker than shadow. 

Step four: The trails are bright under the moon, bare dirt where the rest of the land is years of accumulated mast. As you start down the hill from the house the momentum carries you and you lean back into your heels like climber’s spikes, stablizing you on the slick clay slope where the river used to run. By the bottom of the hill you are running too, on your toes, because you’re moving too fast to stop. You can either run or fall, and this is how you learn to never, ever, fall. 

Step five: At the riverbank the trail turns into shadow under the trees and there’s nothing–you follow the darker-place-in-darkness of a black cat running ahead of you, trusting her night vision when your own fails you. She leads you through the places where the bushes are so close they whip your face, back up the hill until you pass, breathless, where the dark mirror of your brothers’ bedroom windows are shining with reflected moonlight, and you keep going, leaning into the twists and flinging your legs uphill, your heels never touching dirt at all. 

Step six: in front of the house the trails are a maze of flat land, weaving over each other to the road. Your cat picks the junctions, switching back and forth in the longest route between you and asphalt. You’re out of breath but your balance is steadying, your stride shifting, and now you run heel-toe, heel-toe, your weight flying on the balls of your feet. Everything is silver and black, you and the cat and the trees, and you know this place now.

Step seven: When you climb back through the window after your cat, there are mosquitoes everywhere. You take off your boots and climb on the furniture to smash them where they’ve gathered in the highest parts of your bedroom. 

You realize the next morning that there are perfect one-inch-square spots of mud on your ceiling.  

anonymous asked:

Who wrote Harry Potter?

Someone who doesn’t exist anymore. Their personality, their connection to our world disappeared the day they gained one billion dollars, all that’s left is a little demon that gets angry at those who’re different than them.

anonymous asked:

When I worked at a cat shelter in Norway, a lot of visitors seemed to think that long haired cat = Norwegian forest cat and.. no, honey, they are all mutts

over here, every longhaired domestic is magically a ‘maine coon’. 

anonymous asked:

Which bird has the worst legs, anatomically or in appearance (or both)? I feel like this is an obscure piece of knowledge you would have. Also I love your blog :)

the Jacana is pretty bad.

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(they use those to walk on lily pads- the long toes distribute their weight and let them stay on the pads without sinking!)

anonymous asked:

what's your favorite thing to bake? could we uhhh get a recipe? [eyes emoji]

My absolute favourite thing to bake are cookies because they’re easy, quick, and super tasty! My go to recipe is this:

Ingredients:

  • 125g Softened butter 
  • 125g Caster sugar
  • 100g Dark brown sugar
  • 1 Egg
  • 1tsp Vanilla extract
  • 225g Self-raising flour
  • ½tsp salt
  • 200g chocolate chips/M&Ms

Method

  1. Preheat oven to 180°C/350°F
  2. In a large bowl, cream the caster and brown sugar with the butter. Then add the egg and vanilla extract and mix. 
  3. Sift in the flour and the salt and combine everything together.
  4. Add in the chocolate chips/M&Ms
  5. Roll the dough into walnut-sized balls and place on a baking tray lined with baking paper.
  6. Bake in the oven for about 7~9 minutes. 
  7. Let them harden for a couple minutes and bam! Super tasty chewy cookies.
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anonymous asked:

What's your opinion on oriental cats? Both long hair and short hair? They're my dream cat, but if they have very serious health issues I'll just adopt only shelter kitties. I was planning on saving up for one when I live on my own, I have two shelter kitties of my own already :) would it be bad to get one from a breeder?

They’re a delight! c:  I was lucky enough to work with fourteen of them a few years back, and I loved every single one.  They’re one of my favorite breeds, because I love a sleek-looking talky animal.  They’re not an inherently unethical breed, like the Scottish fold, but they do have some health problems you should be aware before you get the noodle cat of your dreams.

PKD (polycystic kidney disease) is the biggest issue.  It causes pockets of fluids (cysts) to form inside the kidneys.  These cysts are present from birth and grow and multiply as the cat ages.  They don’t usually cause problems until around 7 years old, at which point they often overwhelm good kidney tissue and begin causing organ failure.  It’s a very difficult disease to predict: there could just be one cyst or thirty.   You won’t even know they’re there for a long time.

Oriental shorthairs and longhairs are BOTH genetically prone to PKD.  Thankfully, there’s now a genetic test, so a good breeder should do everything they can to ensure that their cats are free of the problematic genes.  They should also be willing to prove it to you, by allowing you to examine the test results yourself.

Dental disease is another big one.  OSH/LH’s both are vulnerable to weird dental problems, primarily FORLS (Feline Odontoclastic resorptive lesions).  It’s a particularly baffling problem, where the cat’s immune system basically decides that the teeth and gums are The Enemy and Must Be Destroyed.  The only treatment is removing the teeth entirely.

There’s no genetic test for this one; you have to talk to the breeder about it and hope they’re honest about their lineage’s health. 

Hepatic amyloidosis is the last Big One I can think of.  This is when an abnormally folded protein (amyloid) begins to build up in the liver (or any organ, tbh, but let’s focus on the liver because it’s the Big One).  These misfolded proteins replace good, working cells, and can lead to organ failure.   It usually develops between 1-5 years old.

There’s no genetic test available for it yet either.  The relatively early onset of the disease (most breeders begin breeding their cats at 2 years old), means most breeders have a pretty good idea of whether or not their lines are affected.  The earlier a disease starts, the sooner they can go ‘oh, shit, no, I gotta pull those lines right now’. 

anonymous asked:

Idk how long ago you drew that gecko but I want you to know that it is the only thing that matters to me

Ah you mean the dishwasher? I think it’s been about 6 months now. Also, for those who sent asks (that I’ve just. Straight up forgotten about until now) asking what happened to the gecko, whether I kept it etc., the (very late) answer is I let them go! I left them in the garden outside and that’s the last I saw of them

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anonymous asked:

I wouldn't really wanna drag you into online drama, but this one is just hilarious, so: Thoughts on Twitter TERFs claiming fae/faer pronouns are offensive to actual fae?

W H A T

You cannot…this cannot be real. Hang on I gotta go hit up twitter

(Cue ten minute pause)

Holy shit. It is. 

I have no fuckin words. 

anonymous asked:

Here’s a concept to chew on: zukka but make it Spider-Man-esqe. Sokka is obsessed w the blue spirit and has a Kinda celeb crush on him. Aang finds this hilarious but never tells sokka it’s Zuko. Zuko is too anxious to tell him “hey, it’s me”. So sokka just pines over one of his close friends without realizing

Sokka talking to Aang one day being like “okay, you know how i kinda sorta have a major crush on the Blue Spirit?”

“…yeah”

“i think i’m starting to have a major crush on Zuko, too. what should i do?”

Aang just blinks at him before smiling and saying “you know, Sokka, i think you should talk to Zuko about it. i think you have a better chance with him than with whoever the Blue Spirit is”

anonymous asked:

hello! do you know of a handy chart or reference for keeping track of which word for uncle/aunt a person would be depending on side of family they're from and relation to you?

Master Chart for Familial Relationships

I HAVE OPTED TO DO THIS INSTEAD OF SLEEP. 

I’m too tired to proofread so if you see a mistake please point them out. Click on them to see the clear pics. 

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[Notes:] 

* these are typically northern Chinese terminologies. 

** They use of “a-” in front of  something like “a-die” like “A-Cheng” is regional. From what I understand this is typically a southern Chinese practice.

Bolded = modern & historical times

Highlighted = ONLY used in modern times aka 20th century and afterwards.

Use name = in conversation with someone one younger than you, don’t typically use the relationship term, just call them by their name. The addresses are really used for those older than you as a sign of respect. This is particularly true for modern times.

All uncles and aunts and cousins and brothers and sisters are typically paired with the # they are in the fam [da, er, san, si, wu] (1-5). 

Edit: y’all when i say “paternal” cousins I mean cousins that share your last name, if your cousin doesn’t share your last name, that’s a maternal cousin. 

ADDENDUM: 

OKAY FOR THE COUSINS

The chart was going to get too long, so I tried to short cut and ended up making it more confusing for people.

When I say “paternal” cousins, yes this means cousins on your dad side of the family. But your father’s sisters’ kids, who are technically your paternal cousins, do not share your last name, so don’t use “tang”, use “biao”.