And the letters weren't as hard as I thought they were

Alone (Connor McDavid x Reader)

Originally posted by phillymyers

a/n: maybe I’ll make this into a multiple part imagine????? we’ll see.

Summary:  Your boyfriend, Connor, accidentally leaves behind his cellphone in the hotel room the both of you are staying at during your two-week vacation to Hawaii. Bored, you decided to play around with it, not  expecting to see him receive a text from Lauren; his ex-girlfriend. And you definitely didn’t expect to see an entire conversation between the two, a conversation that was meant to be hidden away for your eyes not to see.

Requested: Nah

Warnings: angst. fighting. swearing.

Part Two | Part Three

Keep reading

I had a conversation with you last night about all the things that i want to tell you. I mean, it wasn't  ‘actually’ you, but i really wish it was.

I told you about everything that happened that night. I asked you why you didn't answer my calls, why you instead texted me. Was it because you didn’t want to hear me cry? Did you not want to hear my heart break in my voice, knowing that yours would break too? Of course i didn't get an answer, because you weren't actually there, but i still continue to ponder at what your answer would be if you were.

I told you, how after you sent the text that ended it all, i broke down in tears. i layed down and sobbed so hard that i couldn't breathe. I had tried to call my best friend to tell her what happened but the phone call ended up being me crying and her sitting in silence, because i had never cried like that before, and there was no other way to comfort me but with you. and you weren't there.

I told you how i had never cried over a boy because i thought it was stupid. I had always seen girls cry because their boyfriends broke up with them and they were so heartbroken. I saw them as weak and i told myself that wasn’t, and will never be, as weak as them. But there i was, crying over you. You were my achilles heel.

I told you how when the sobbing stopped, i had hoped that you would realize that what you did was a mistake; a stupid,irrational decision made out of anger. I hoped that you would realize that and show up at my house in the middle of the night, just like you had done so many times before. I hoped you would come and hold me in your arms and tell me how sorry you were and how much you loved me. And then i would kiss you, and tell you that everything was okay, and i would forgive you. And everything would go back to how it was. But that didn't happen.

I told you how i think about you all the time, that you never really leave my mind. I just cover you up with other noises but when all of those noises go silent you are still there and i can't help to be drawn into you again. And i can't help but wonder if i ever really leave yours. If at the end of the day, when your laying in bed , if i'm still there.

I told you how i see memories of us everywhere i go. And i asked you if you  see them too. As i drive around town, I think of the warm days where we drove around with the windows down and the music blasting and all of us singing at the top of our lungs. I think of the cold nights when you would drive me home and hold my hand while you were driving, even though you hated driving with one hand, but you knew that i was cold and you wanted to give me as much warmth as you could. I think of the times when we would lay in bed in total silence, just cuddling and enjoying each others company. I told you how much it hurts to think of these times, but i do it because they made me happy, and oh what i wouldn't do to be happy again.

But the most important thing i told you was how much i love you. and how i may never stop. But  i know it didn't matter to you. Because if it did, i wouldntve had to tell you all these things.


(letters to myself to help me get over you) 

D.M. 5/27/16 1:22 am

A cold, unmoving heart -

Some Nalu/ Gruvia angst for you all, based on that latest chapter of Fairytail (chapter 428). I took inspiration from one of the ‘Code Blue’ theories and a song called Flaws by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

I would say I hope you enjoy it, but I’d be concerned if you did. (*warning* you may need tissues). To read something a little bit lighter then you can go look at my other fics here

“The weight, I’m gone
In my skin, I’m lost
Tangled in the bones of this love
Melding to the flow of your blood”

“My- My stomach… ngh… It hurts…. I- It….AAAGGHHHHHH!!!” 

A bloodcurdling scream escaped from between Lucy’s lips, her arms tightening around her stomach, hands clawing at her abdomen as if she were trying to rip out the pain at it’s source.

“LUCY!!!” Natsu screamed, reaching out to her desperately as the blonde mage tumbled towards the hard stone floor. Her knees buckled, hitting the stone tiles with such force that her entire frame shook violently. Natsu growled, lashing out as the mess of chains which held his body in place confined and constricted him, preventing him from helping her.

“YOU BASTARD!! WHY ARE YOU LETTIN’ THAT BITCH HURT LUCY??” He snarled fiercely, “LET ME OUT OF THESE DAMN CHAINS, I’M GOING TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOU!! WAKE UP GRAY… WE NEED YOU…I need you… You’re still part of our family so quit actin’ like a jerk and help us bring Fairy Tail back!!” 

Gray stared blankly at his former guildmate, his cold gaze meeting the fire mage’s furious expression for the first time. “He needs, me…?” Gray blinked What did he mean? The idiot. Why was he so determined to get him back? They weren't friends. No, they weren’t… And he didn't need them anymore.

 “The book of Zeref is all I need, it’s the only thing I care about… Fairy Tail is nothing more than a memory and you’re an idiot if you think things can just go back to the way they were…” Gray replied callously, the chilling sky blue colour resurfacing in his eyes. As he spoke, Natsu’s words faded into nothing more than a simple sequence of letters. Words meant nothing, they were pointless. A meaningless, useless jumble of letters. Words wouldn’t bring his father back, words wouldn’t destroy E.N.D. Words wouldn’t change his mind.

“Oh how sweet!” Mary chimed, leaning over Gray’s shoulder, a huge grin fixed on her delicate features, “Gray, your little fire friend here wants to save you…. But you don’t need saving, do you?” Her smile was sickly, it was too sweet, too innocent. “You know exactly what you’re doing, right…?” It made Natsu’s stomach turn.“What are you doing to Lucy!!?” He spat through gritted teeth, horrified by the celestial mage’s current condition, her body contorting and writhing on the floor of the hall, just metres away. She was in agony. 

“What was that little fire dragon? You want to know what’s wrong with your dear celestial friend…?” She giggled playfully, the expression on her face changing suddenly. Her eyes growing wide with excitement and her smile twisting into a sickening, sadistic grin. “Why don’t you tell Natsu yourself, sweetie…” she snickered, turning to Lucy. “Do you really want to find out, Natsu Dragneel?” Mary purred, before clicking her fingers and sending Lucy into another fit of chilling screams. 

Lucy felt like she was on fire. Every inch of her body engulfed in hot, merciless, torturous flames. These flames were black, and thick and heavy. They weighed her body down, weighed her down so she could do nothing but let out scream after agonising scream as they pinned her to the floor.

Her ears picked up on various voices, distorted by the sound of her own screams. Despite the unbearable pain she was in, something told her she was safe when she heard Natsu’s voice amidst the haze of heat and torture… he was shouting, of course he was… He was trying to save her. Like he always did.  A fresh shot of fire coursed through her veins, causing her loose her train of thought for a moment, her heart hammering wildly in her chest and her lungs screaming for air. A few seconds passed before another voice echoed inside her head, a cold and sharp voice, cutting through the heat… Gray? He sounded nothing like he had a year ago, it pained her to see one of her dearest friends so changed, so cruel and unfeeling… Why was he doing this? A female voice spoke next, there was a high pitched and sweet element to the voice, something which Lucy would have found comforting, if it wasn't for the dark undertone is exuded… Suddenly Natsu was shouting again, and from his tone of voice she knew he wasn't directing his words to Gray, it must be the female…

N-Natsu…. Gray…” she rasped, her voice fighting to be heard, “Please, I- want you… To… St-…. AGHHHHH!!” A fresh series of flames shook through her, far worse than before. Far, far worse. Her body convulsed, a searing pain emanating from her abdomen. Her body reared up off the floor, as if she were a puppet on a string, being pulled up off the ground. Her back arched off the tiles and a guttural sob tore up her throat, tears overflowing in her eyes, spilling over her cheeks… “Natsu…”

Natsu watched Lucy’s limp body in horror. Had Mary increased the pain? “STOP IT” He cried, Lucy’s shrill and agonizing cries piercing straight through him. “STOP” He repeated, his eyes wild and ravenous for revenge. He couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t take seeing Lucy in this much pain.


“Juvia….?” Gray mouthed, the name causing something deep inside him to stir, but he ignored it. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him. “I left Juvia behind behind because she’s irrelevant to my mission, I didn’t need her getting in the way…”

“That’s a lie and you know it Gray. I’ve known you long enough to see that you feel guilty about leaving her… You love her don’t you?”

“Love” Mary chuckled, disgust obvious in her voice “Ha! Gray, in love with that obsessional, idiotic water mage i've heard so much about…. That’s unlikely.”

“You don’t know him like I do, bitch… Gray, tell me how leaving Juvia behind was the right thing to do?  Tell me that leaving her behind was worth while?”

“You’re one to talk.” Gray interjected sharply, “you left all of us behind to go on some stupid training quest… Didn’t you? You left Lucy behind didn’t you? Do you have any idea how much pain you put her through… How excruciating it was watching her fall apart as we tried to pick up the pieces. Atleast I stayed with Juvia while she needed me, I’m assuming she told you about all the time we spent together? You can’t say the same for you and Lucy. You left her when she needed you most..”

With every word, Gray could see Natsu’s anger begin to fade, changing into a mixture of regret and guilt. It made him weak.

 “I bet the pain she feels now is nothing compared to how you made her feel when you left, Natsu….” Gray muttered, but he knew Natsu could hear him. “Let him go, he won’t do anything as long as we have Lucy” The chains loosened around Natsu’s frame as he fell to his knees, eyes filling with tears as Lucy’s screams continued to echo around the hall. Gray was right… He had done exactly the same thing, he’d left Lucy behind… The Idiot.

Lucy was shocked by Gray’s words, which called out to her amidst the flames,  “I bet the pain she feels now is nothing compared to how you made her feel when you left, Natsu….” What is he saying? Why would he say something like that to one of his friends? “N….a….t….s..u… Don’t… l-listen…” She wheezed, her voice inaudible, even to Natsu’s sensitive hearing. “Natsu… Ple-ase…”

“Let her go…” He sighed, his voice husky from crying. “Please…” He repeated as Mary laughed uncontrollably beside a motionless Gray. His mission to destroy E.N.D took priority…. But…. Seeing Natsu like this, pleading on his knees… He began to think about his friends, he real friends. Something was stirring inside him, a familiar feeling which he hadn't felt for a long time… “Juvia… Natsu… Lucy…” He mouthed, “Fairytail….”

“What are you wittering on about?” Mary turned to Gray, a confused expression painted on her lovely features, she seemed uninterested in the blonde mage who was still enduring her torture, at least she’d stopped screaming.

“I… I….” Gray began, unsure of what he was thinking, let alone was he was trying to say. “…Natsu… Juvia… She’s okay?” he stuttered, unsure of himself.

“She’s okay now, Wendy’s taking care of her. She turned into the rain woman when you left, and then she got sick, partly from exhaustion, partly from the cold… She speaks about you as if you’re coming back to her anyday. She refuses to give up on you…. We all refuse to.” He smiled wearily, looking up at the ice mage, that sounded more the Gray he knew. He was going to get him back whether the ice freak liked it or not. 

“Juvia…” Gray repeated in his head, her name forming on his lips “I’m sorry”

“GRAY-SAMA!!” Juvia cried, sitting up with a start, had she been dreaming? She could have sworn she had heard Gray-sama’s voice calling out to her.

“Juvia, oh you’re awake!” Wendy rushed over the bed, placing one of her delicate hands on Juvia’s head, “Your fever has gone down, but you need to rest.”

“Juvia thought she heard Gray-sama’s voice, but it doesn’t matter… Where are Natsu and Lucy?”

“They went to go find Gray” Wendy exclaimed,

“Yes, Natsu seemed rather adamant about going and finding him for you, he’s trying to get everyone back together” Carla added, sitting on the end of the bed, smiling sheepishly at the two mages and her fellow exceed. “What? Natsu and Lucy went to go find Gray… for Juvia?” She replied in astonishment, tears filling her eyes, “I hope they’ll both be okay… And that they find Gray-sama…”

“Now, don’t cry Juvia” Wendy smiled, wiping away Juvia’s tears. “I’m sure they’ll find Gray and everything will be just fine. They’ll be back here in no time” the wind mage beamed, her tone light and full of optimism.

“Juvia hopes so… Be careful Lucy, Natsu… Come home soon, Gray-sama…”

“Oh dear… Whoops, I may have overdone it this time, silly me!” Mary giggled to herself, dancing around the hall in a frenzy of laughter. What in the hell was she on about? Natsu raised an eyebrow at Gray who froze, the ice mage’s eyes locking onto something to his right. “Gray, what are you staring at?” Natsu turned his head to see what it was Gray looked so terrified about. “Sorry little fire mage, looks like your friend just couldn't take the heat” Mary chimed, as Natsu’s gaze locked onto Lucy’s limp body which lay, unmoving and sprawled out across the the floor. “Lucy…?” 

“LUCY…?” Natsu snarled, tripping over the chains that lay at his feet as he stumbled towards the blonde mage’s body. “What’s wrong with her?” He cried, falling down beside her and taking her in his arms, she was cold. “What have you done… What have you done…” Natsu muttered, confusion and denial fixed on his face as he stared down at Lucy, her eyes closed. Unmoving.

“Well I would have thought that was obvious, she’d dead… Passed on to the other side, left this world, gone forever, never coming back.” Mary interrupted, her tone almost amused.

“What did you say?” Gray snapped, his hands in fists by his side. His body shook with anger and tears filled his eyes. He’d been selfish, he’s been so selfish and his selfishness had killed Lucy. He’d let one of his closest friends die because he had put some stupid book before her “Natsu, I…”

“We can save her, we have to save her. I promised I’d always be there for her. I promised I’d protect her….  She can’t die. She won’t die as long as I’m here.” Natsu stuttered, placing his hands on her chest, leaning down to… kiss her?

“1..2..3..1..2..3..1..2..3″  Natsu began, his hands pumping down on Lucy’s chest, leaning over her face to press his mouth on hers every ten seconds or so, breathing hot air into her empty lungs. “Come on, Luce… Don’t die on me. You’re stronger than this, I know you are, so open your eyes!!” Minutes passed, but Natsu refused to stop. Lucy’s body remained motionless as he persisted in performing CPR, crouching over her lifeless form as Gray continued to watch in disbelief. The only sound in the hall was that of Natsu’s heavy breathing and of air being forced into vacant lungs which refused to breathe on their own.

“Natsu, you need to stop…. She’s… Gone” Gray leaned down and placed a hand on the fire mage’s shoulder, who seemed unaware of the interaction. “Natsu… She’d dead.” Gray mumbled, his face pale with grief.

“No…” Natsu whimpered, tears overflowing in his eyes as he stared down hopelessly at Lucy’s face. Her cheeks were pale, almost translucent in the candlelight and despite the peaceful expression formed on her delicate features, her face had lost all it’s colour, all it’s brightness… Those lips, that had always reminded Natsu of summer roses, now resembled the colour of the lilacs that used to grow outside the guild in spring. He ran his rough hands through her golden hair, the colour of sunlight, which lay, messy and tangled around her face, framing her features. Like a halo… And it made sense, because she looked like an angel. And that’s what she was… To Natsu… An angel. And oh, how he loved her. He loved her and he would have given anything to see her warm, brown eyes staring up into his one last time, a beaming smile on her face. He wanted her alive. So he could tell her…

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Luce.” He began, his voice barely a whisper as he cradled her in his arms, “I tried to protect you, but I should’ve fought harder. I’m sorry that I didn’t keep my promise. I guess I’ve broken a lot of promises recently” he paused, thinking how she’d probably smile at this point and tell him how stupid he was, “Can you hear me Luce? I want to tell you some things, they’re pretty important so I hope you’re listening, wherever you are… Firstly, I want to tell you how I hate myself for leaving and I how I hate myself for hurting you, I wish I’d told you sooner how sorry I was… You know, I missed you every day when I was away. Every single day. And I want to tell you how much I love you, Luce… I suppose I didn't have the guts to tell you before, but I do now. And I wish you were alive to hit me for not telling you sooner…” He imagined she’d laugh at that, and probably kiss him too, “I want to tell you how I can recite every mission we’ve been on together from memory, I can remember every time you'd shout my name with that look on your face when I put myself in danger, but I did it for you Luce, you know I did….Next, I want to remind you how much your spirits love you. How you treated them like family and how they all thought of you as part of their family, Don’t worry, I’ll look after them, I promise… There’s one last thing, are you still listening Luce?… I want to tell you how I can remember every second of the time you spent at Fairytail, with Gray and Erza and Wendy… With Juvia and Happy and the exceeds. With Gajeel, Levy, Loke, Laxus. With Jet and Droy, Freed, Bixlow and Evergreen. With Romeo, Macao and Wakaba. With Elfman, Lisanna and Mira, with Cana and Gildarts… And with me. They’re all going to miss you so much, I’m going to miss you, you know I will. because you were Fairy Tail, Luce. You were everything a Fairy Tail wizard should be. You were kindness and courage, beauty, and friendship and determination and magic… I’ll bring the guild back, for you. I promise. Because I know above all, you’d want our family to be happy… 

… So, you coming Gray?”

“Something wrong Juvia?” Wendy asked, looking up at her worriedly as she sat up in the bed.

“something just doesn't feel right, that’s all…”  She sighed, turning her head to look out the window .

“Oh look… It’s raining again…”

Super Junior 7jib MAMACITA Thanks To
  • Leeteuk: I wanted to become happy.. I always have been looking for the key to happiness. Now, I think I have found that key to happiness. Being able to wake up in the morning, meet people I want to meet, and laugh together and cry together.... Beloved family... Beloved members.. Beloved all family members of SM.. Beloved fans... I now realized that everything I've always felt is the key to happiness. I want to feel this happiness with everyone. Thank you, and thank you again; I love you, and I love you.. I hope everyone reading this post will be full of happiness and love.. I love you..!!
  • Heechul: This is an album after 3 years for me. I want to try being a bit serious in the Thanks To this time. It's already been 10 years since we debut.
  • There probably are people who are new to loving me, but I'm sure there are fans who've been loving me for 10 years now. I think about it whenever I'm zoning out in the car, or whenever I'm going to sleep..
  • What 'fans' are..
  • I don't have much of 'fan love' (t/n in other words, fan service), I am not nice, so why do people give love to someone like me, who, in some way, is like a mean 5 years old?
  • And a thought that popped in my head was to not to look for the reason, and to express myself some too. Play (together) like we are eternal friends.
  • And that made me look hard at fans' faces like I'll put a hole on their face. Because of my prosopagnosia, my level of memory with faces are at same level as a fish but
  • I tried to memorize each and everyone but!!! as expected, I couldn't do it well kkkkkkkkkk ah sorry kkkkkkkkkkkkk I can't help this kkkkkkkkkkkkk but still, I read the letters, and try to remember their faces. Lastly, my beloved babies. Hyung will speak informally now. We will grow old someday and get married too. I hope you will come to Super Show in future with your babies. Then I would get emotional and really touched. Let's picture 'eternity' like that together, and be together for a long long time ^~^
  • I hope that you guys will meet good people (partners) and will live happily. You guys have to get married quickly so I feel less sorry when I get married too kk
  • But I have to first quit games and comic books first-ng.. Tremble tremble..
  • Anyways, I love you, my babies!!!! Ppo Ppo kiss~ ^3^
  • Kangin: I realized too late that I am thankful for just being able to be together. I think I know a bit now.. That I was a greedy man who only received. I will now be the one giving. And my beloved family members, let's live happily. I really love you. Grandmother who is watching me from heaven.. There are many promises I made with you that I couldn't keep; I'll live with them in my heart. Grandmother, do not worry about anything there and rest peacefully. And our fan ELF!! Oppas will protect you.
  • Shindong: I am now repeating the process of writing and erasing. I really don't know how to express this good feeling and thankful thoughts. Really. I will just!! Show it on the stage!! Everyone, sorry for being unable to express myself. Yes, that's true. The people that have the hardest time while producing this album are the song writer, lyrics writer, singer, producer, choreographer, manager, stylist, photographer, etc.. there are countless people but!! You guys, who anticipate and listen, have to be there (for that to happen) so, sigh.. I think I was living with a really big delusion. How to say.. 'I'm always showing you guys this really cool look of me, and the funny side of me! so you guys have to always anticipate and wait for me..' Why did I think that way... Anyways thank you. I think this is the first time I wrote my true feelings on 'Thanks To', without calculating (what to say). Sorry, and sorry again. From now on, I will only write real 'Thanks To' on 'Thanks To's... Thank you, everlasting friends~
  • Sungmin: An album to beloved ELF. Thank you for always being with me. You are my precious, everlasting, closest friend.
  • Eunhyuk: Firstly, thanks to our fans for waiting for this album for a long time. During past 2 years, I've experienced many events. I was shaken, was very exhausted, received many scars, and for the first time, I thought about giving up. I remembered the young days when I first I dreamed of becoming a singer, the days when I was a trainee, and the days since I met Super Junior. Looking back at those days, I gave compliments to myself, and reflected on a lot of things too. And I imagined a bit about the future. In the end, I gained conviction for things I wanted to do, and things I have to do, and what allowed me to have that strength were fans who always stood by my side and loved me without changing, and Super Junior members. I think it's not easy for a person to go back to 'their first mindset'. So with a new mindset, I plan to enjoy the promotions this time. I hope you continue to cheer without any reserves for the road I will take from now on. I will repay to everyone with mindset that does not change, and with changing images(appearance/side). Thank you.
  • Donghae: Dear Father/ Last time I saw you was around 2006 8/8 Tuesday 3AM, but it's already 2014 8/21 Thursday. A lot of time has passed, right? ^^ Like the time that's passed, the environment around, many people, thoughts, and appearance has changed a lot. Some changed for the better, some not. But I am always working hard so that my core that I am holding on, does not change a lot. Because you, father, are in that core too. You'd be disappointed if I changed to (not good/bad), so I am working hard to (not change) ^^ then you can compliment me when I meet you again. I'm still young, and I'm still the son that wants to receive compliments from father. But it's been a really long time since I've been unable to hear those compliments. Soon, I will perform 100th concert performance; It would have been nice if father could have watched at least one of those 100 performances. It's sad. I'm really thankful to be able to do a job that I love, be loved while doing that job, that there are people who cry, laugh, and be happy because of me-though, what am I (for them to feel that way for me)-, and that there are people who have dreams while watching me. I'm very thankful that those people exist, and I am thankful about everything, that I can feel that I am living a life that I am more thankful of. Complains, not being satisfied, being lazy... Looking back now, I can see that everything- even things that I didn't feel good about- are thankful things. What I am most thankful about is that I am your son. It's a letter to you after a long time. 2014 8/21 Thursday 7:04PM, after 2 years... Let's talk again when another album comes out in future ^^ I love you, dad.
  • Dear Mom, Hyung, HyunGyum / Mom, don't get sick. When you are sick, I feel even more hurt. There are many things I wasn't able to feel when I wasn't able to live with you when I was young, and now, living together, I feel them. I feel thankful from small things like being able to be together, being able to see you, and being able to touch you. When you look at me and smile, when you- who looked big when I was young- now look smaller than me, when you- who walked really fast- walk slower than me, and when I felt that you- who looked strong and powerful- have become weaker than me, and is depending on me, tears come to my eyes. Just don't get sick. I love you mom^^ Beloved hyung, you are very tired, exhausted, and bored these days right? But I am happy and full of energy because of hyung. I think a lot about how I can do more for you, hyung. It's not that I just want to give you something; it's more like.. I'm thankful that I have a brother, and thankful that I can share with hyung. I hope hyung enjoys it a bit more, and I hope that you will be happy. I also hope that we brothers would rely on each other more. I love you, hyung.
  • HyunGyum-ah, hyung is proud and happy that you have a dream at such a young age. I hope you will work harder, and if you don't want to get hit, listen to hyung more! hehe. Listen to mom, and sleep early.
  • Dear SJ/ There really is no need for words!! I like that we are together, I'm happy that we are together, and I'm thankful that whenever I feel tired and look back, you're standing there by my side without a word^^ There's no need for anything else, let's just do well just among ourselves^^ Suju is the best hehe. Leader Teuk-ee hyung... I will trust hyung and go! and Yesung-ee hyung... If hyung were with us, we would have shined more. I will make it so that when hyung returns, hyung's spot will shine more ^^ I love you hyung!
  • Grow your hand a bit, or I'll just have a smaller mic prepared for you ^^ (Youngjoon-ee hyung, Byungjoon-ee hyung, Junghoon-ee hyung, Yongsun-ee hyung, MinGeun-ee hyung, Siyong-ee hyung, Yongsuk-ee)
  • We are Super Juni-or! ^^ Thank you and I love you.
  • Dear ELF/ You waited a really long time right? Me too me too mee too really!! hehe finally advancing out! ELF all over the world, are you ready?? We are ready ^^
  • In short words, because ELF exists, SuJu can breathe ^^ Please continue to let us breathe ^^ I love you, love you, love you, and love you^^ Always thankful and love you ^^
  • Siwon: I feel the fast speed of time. It's already 7jib.... Thankfully, thanks to your love and support, we were able to go around the world many times, and how many times did we stand on a dream-like stage... Thinking about it all, I'm thankful. I want to say thanks to beloved ELF all over the world who cheer for us without changing. And I want to say thanks to beloved family members, beloved Lee SooMan teacher, and staffs who always work hard to help us. If you guys weren't there, we wouldn't be at this position. Thank you again.
  • Thank you everyone.. Thank you God.. Please anticipate a lot from us, who are just starting now.
  • Ryeowook: Beloved mom and dad, thank you ^^ Super Junior members, you worked hard during the time to prepare 7jib, and I love each and everyone of you♡
  • Teuk-ee hyung, I'm thankful that you are with us, though it must have been very pressuring, (to work so soon after) release from army! Hyung is really our leader~ I love you / My meal friend Heechul-ee hyung~ I'm thankful that you listen to my words well, and let's continue to live together. / I miss you.. Listen to our 7jib well~ Stay well too ^^ / Yesung-ee hyung!!!! I hope hyung's empty spot will be filled quickly.. Let's work together again quickly~ let's meet again at Han River kk / KingKing! The handsomest KingKing kk Hyung, you know that I love you a lot right? / Donggri DongDong, I love hyung's voice the most kk Let's go for a solo song in the next album! I will try directing it. / Sungmin-ee hyung~! Thank you for always comforting me by my side ^^!! Let's meet at Sukira soon kk / I'm happy that Hyukgu is becoming more and more handsome! Work harder ^^ Hyung, you know it, right? kkk / Donghai! I love you as much as I love Hyukgu kk Donghae-hyung, don't be sad~ Let's go again tonight!!! / Siwon-ee hyung, I'm sorry .. that I only like D&E kkkkk I love hyung a lot ♡ / Kibum-ah, come to the dorm~!! Let's eat^^ / Kyuhyun-ah, do you like Changmin and Minho more than me?..ㅠ I love you KyuKyu kk / Super Junior M Zhou Mi hyung!! I hope hyung will be very happy ^^ I love you hyung~♡ / Henry, take some care of Zhou Mi hyung! kk SJM maknae Henry-yah, I'm always thankful about you! / Super Junior 7jib, let's become daebak!!!! My girlfriend, E.L.F.. I'm thankful, and I love you! ♡ It's 7jib now~ Till everyone gathers in one place, Ryeowook-ee will work hard too with the name 'Super Junior'^^ I love you. Love yourself♡
  • Kyuhyun: Kyu will always be where E.L.F's are...
Heechul Interview with Women's Central - PART 1
  • You are 32 this year?
  • Heechul: Yes, it was like yesterday that I was 30, suddenly I am 32.
  • Shouldn't you be leaving SJ now? (laugh) You are now like the backbone of idols. What do you think of the new idols?
  • Heechul: I feel bad when I see those idols debuting at a very young age. I have done everything that I should have done and should not have done when I was a student. Like working part time, getting hit by the teacher, playing with friends... I have done all those things. Now the rookies start training at a very young age, they almost didn't have any memories of student life and they don't have many friends too.
  • Did you debut immediately after graduating from high school?
  • Heechul: Yes, I was the kind that debuted late. Most of them become trainees when they are in middle school. I enjoyed myself and played enough, it was around October, I was thinking if I should go for an audition? So I came to Seoul and took part in the SM audition and I got selected. I used to come to Seoul a lot with my friends to play. Every weekend, there will be many people coming for auditions. There wasn't even any empty space in front of the company. I thought it was interesting so I went for it and I got selected. I took part in the audition in 2002 October and started to be a trainee in November.
  • Heechul: What were you doing between 2002 February when you have graduated high school to 2002 October when you become a trainee?
  • Playing and I also worked for awhile.
  • Didn't you think of going to university?
  • Heechul: I attended a technical school and started working on the 2nd year of high school. Then I interned at a water factory on my 3rd year. The university I went to was Sangji University. I have worked in a furnace shop and a swimming pool before. From the 2nd year of high school onwards, I started distributing flyers. Is it ok to take photos with these beer bottles? I have a recording tomorrow and I didn't want to drink. But since hyung is drinking, I will have one glass too.
  • The natural atmosphere like this is good. The age of your fans will also go up from 10-20 years old to 40-50 years old. Say everything you want to say today!
  • Heechul: I like the comfortable atmosphere too, hyung, cheers! Wah, it's so cooling! Feels good.
  • You started to be a trainee in October 2002 and then you debuted in 2005 with Sharp 2?
  • Heechul: Yes, I acted that with Go Ara. I debuted as an actor in May 2005 and then debuted with SJ in November that year.
  • Your training period is considered short. Do you get paid (during training)?
  • Heechul: You don't get paid as a trainee but the company provides you with everything you need. There weren't any need to use money. Food and accommodation were taken care of and there were some pocket money. I stayed at Cheongdam-dong in Seoul at that time. U-know Yunho, SJ Donghae, Trax Jay and me stayed together. Yunho debuted as DBSK in 2004 and was the first to leave the dorm.
  • It must be good at that time. One often feel that the student period is the best after coming out to the society. Similarly, singers will feel that it is the best during trainee period?
  • Heechul: I really miss those times. Like what Lee SooMan sunbaenim or any other senior singers said, the training period is the best and the most interesting, create more memories. At that time, I didn't understand. Looking back after debuting, that period is really the best. Nobody knows me, if the 4 of us go back to that time, it must be fun.
  • It must be good if the 4 of you can play together.
  • Definitely, anywhere I go, my looks will attract attention. Hahaha.
  • Do you still contact any of those female celebrities you have met when you were a trainee?
  • Heechul: I was close to Son Dambi since trainee period. Although we belong to different companies, we really get along well, and we got close quickly. Moreover she has a boyish character, a nice character, it's good to live together, comfortable, it's good. Maybe because we are both successful now, so we can maintain the friendship well. If one of us drops out, we might not be as close as we are now.
  • Are there a few SM trainees or are there like hundreds?
  • Heechul: Right now I am not sure but there were really a lot during our era. At that time it wasn't like what is now, there are so many auditions. Every weekend, there will be a very long queue outside the company, they are all here for the audition. From what I know, amongst those who came for the auditions themselves, only SNSD Yoona, SHinee Taemin and I got selected.
  • Most of the trainees were picked from the streets by the scouts?
  • Heechul: Yes, most of them were scouted and came looking for the company after being contacted. The company's system is very successful. Isn't this like one bottomless pit after another bottomless pit? Nobody knows who will succeed so it was a risk to take. Like when I was a newbie the company didn't like what I said in the broadcasts, we must be more mysterious. But I used dialects and said everything that I want to say. I was the first kid to behave like this among the SM idols. Why is there a kid like this? I feel that I was a little special too, and a little rude. Although some people thought that I was a problematic kid, Lee SooMan sunbaenim understood me and even gave me a lot of encouragement. If not for Lee SooMan sunbaenim, I won't be here.
  • Your hometown is?
  • Heechul: Hoengseong, I stayed in Wonju before. Studied in a elementary school in Seoul, Sillim-dong. Then I went back to Wonju for middle and high school.
  • Did you get into others beside Sangji University?
  • Heechul: My English is really bad, so I thought I should really learn my English well. I chose to major in English, it was really hard. So I studied it while training. I even thought of transferring to another school but it clashed with my debut so it's like this now. I was from Gangwon-do so going to Sangji University is like attending a school in my hometown. So I transferred there during my 4th year at Sangji University.
  • I think you can even got for elections in Wonju.
  • Heechul: Politics should be left to politicians.
  • You look like a politician more than a politician. You might become a director in SM or a representative to take part in an election.
  • Heechul: I don't know anything about politics, I just want to promote my hometown a bit.
  • Do you feel inferior at all about your birth place?
  • Heechul: Not that I don't feel inferior at all, I just don't show it. I even thought about getting rid of my dialect before but I have been very casual since my trainee days (so I didn't do it). I like rock very much but my company doesn't like such rough and explosive kind of singing, so I ended up not going to the practice room. I was asked to write a self-reflection letter because of this but I wrote 'I didn't do anything wrong but because you asked me to write this so I am writing it' on the letter.
  • You are really daring, but you were asked to do self-reflection?
  • Heechul: The company thinks that personality education is important. To a celebrity, it is important that we have good progress but personality and mannerism are even more important. We will always do our greetings well. Those singers that have debuted will greet trainees when they see them. And of course the trainees will also greet the singers. The company is full of this atmosphere. But because I was a disobedient kid from Gangwon-do village and I always disappear, the company listed me as the number 1 target for management.
  • What does the company do to a rebellious kid like you?
  • Heechul: I have been going out casually since I was a trainee. Lee SooMan sunbaenim told me before 'you are not rebellious because of a bad personality. You are just a kid who isn't used to a organized lifestyle but you possess the feel of a celebrity more than others'. Everyone thought that I am a problematic child but the CEO understood me from my personality, gave me affirmation. I wouldn't be here if not for him.
  • You mum's wish must have been granted. When you signed up with SM, I heard that you mum told the SM staff to grow you into a man.
  • Heechul: Now when she sees a SM staff, the first thing she says will be 'thank you for growing my son into a man'. When SM first negotiated the contract terms, my mum said 'just sign up for 30 years directly'. My mum always tell me 'if you are with other companies, will they just let you do whatever you want? Accept all your behaviours? This is the only company that accepts you, don't mess it up, do well'.
  • I feel that SM is like military. YG has more of a free and unrestrained image. Have you thought of going to other companies?
  • Heechul: I think I am more unrestrained than YG (laughs). Not that I have not thought about it but no matter which company it is, even if the unhappiness is gone at first, there will also be more other kinds of unhappiness. What I envy about YG is YG only does music shows for once or twice a week. SM has 4 in a week. To be honest, if we go only once or twice a week, we will have more time to prepare and it's not so tiring. But the funny thing is Sandara Park of 2NE1 told me 'Oppa, we are more envious that SM has so many shows'.
  • Seems like SM will control personal time too. Does the company stop you from dating or talking to opposite genders?
  • Heechul: Our company doesn't do this, healthy dating is permitted. So they emphasize more on thinking correctly to make the right decisions.
  • The people in SM are trustable.
  • Heechul: Of course, when you keep telling me 'well done', I will really do it well. Why do you tell me that I have personality when I obviously just did it without thoughts? Seems like they were afraid that I will go on the wrong path if they scold me. They even accepted things like this so I felt that I should work harder. Kangta hyung and Lee Sooman sunbaenim are both like this. He must do something he wants to do. It's not like he will do well after you scold him. Even if he goes on the wrong path, he will still follow what he should be following. So just let him do whatever he wants.
  • Looks like you will speak up directly if you are unhappy with the company.
  • Heechul: So the staff will leave when they see me coming in. But when the rookie groups have a showcase or when they first appear in broadcasts, the staff will contact me, asking how I feel about it, they will not ask me how their singing was... I am not outstanding in the singing department. 'Do you think these kids will become popular?' They are asking me this because they feel that my opinions are good. I will tell them all the bad points.
  • How was EXO?
  • Heechul: It will be good to not change their hair colours so often when they just debuted. That was my opinion. It is tiring for the fans to keep looking for this oppa or that oppa. It will also confuse the public if you keep changing their hair colours. I also told them not to give them the same hair colour. The first thing that people remember is always 'he is that kid with long hair', 'that kid with red hair'... obvious trademarks like this.
  • How are you so confident of things like this? Do you read forums?
  • Heechul: I used to post replies in many forums in the past. You can get to know news in every area online, I was on the computer everyday. I cut that down after my debut. Although it is important to communicate with fans, there is no need to become a netizen. There should also be a limit to reading the comments from netizens. They might even lose their self confidence if they don't limit that. To the hoobaes too, don't read the comments from the netizens. Scoldings are everywhere, don't even know how they look like, don't even know what they are working as, there is no need to go mix around there.
  • You don't use Facebook or Kakaotalk?
  • Heechul: I am using those but I am only posting my own words. In the past I used to post society problems on Twitter. Although I didn't mean that, I got scoldings for it. So now I only post my photos, or what I am doing today.
  • For the readers of Women's Central, they must be interested to know how to let their children become idols. You are generation 1.5 idol, what do you think about being an idol?
  • Heechul: I think it's ok for me. Like what hyung said, personal character makes a big difference. Some friends who are having a tough time really have a hard time. When you compare an actor and an idol, it seems that actors have an easier life because there are a lot of die hard fans. When an actor acts in a very popular drama, he will become very popular. I will not be easily affected by scandals too. I will not be like a fan, pay, buy albums, watch concerts.. I am fine with just watching TV. But idols are moving alongside with fans. It doesn't matter how much freedom you have here, it is more important to do your own part. Although it is important to do things for fans, you will lose your own way if you only do things for fans. But if you love yourself and live for yourself, you will know how valuable fans are.
  • What if the readers want to teach their children to be idols?
  • Heechul: Teach him to love himself first.
  • Although being a celebrity is a good job but it seems like idols are a bit more special. Even you are popular at first hit, it's hard to maintain it.
  • Heechul: Yes, if you are raising your child as an idol, firstly parents have to throw away thoughts like 'our child is so talented but lack the courage' or 'our child is the best'. Everyone has different opinions. In the parents' eyes, their child is the best but he is not in other people's eyes. The idols' parents have more power than what we imagine. SM doesn't let parents interfere but such cases happened in other companies. To the mother, her own son is the best, so when other kids get more popular, they will start to create a scene, it isn't good like this.
  • SM's idols' parents are not allowed to interfere with their work? The parents of members must be close.
  • Heechul: Yes, they are even going to China together for holidays. But my mum is the oldest, she is 62 years old.
  • Your mum gave birth when she was older.
  • Heechul: My mum got married later. I have a sister that is older than me by a year. About 7-8 years ago, my sister opened a hallyu cafe in myeongdong. Though I go there sometimes but if the operations is going well, I don't interfere much. It was my sister who said that she has no intentions of using my fans, she is just doing a normal business. I don't like people who make use of others popularity or making use of others' backgrounds. I will not give in even if it is my parents or siblings.
  • source.loveheenim
  • trans.Luv_Opera

“You Make Me Whole, You Make Me Right. Don’t Ever Want To Think About You Leaving My Life.”


Days Later, Wedding Day.

Looking down on both letters that sat in front of me I sealed my lips together and shook my head. One made me feel all happy inside and I know it would make Ant happy as well while the other had my thoughts running a mile a minute. And with it being my wedding day I can’t have my thoughts from this particular letter distract me from everything going on today.

Hearing a light knock on my door snapped me all the way back to reality, tying my robe I walked over to the door and matched the same smile my girls wore once seeing me.

“Hi pretty,” they screamed I laughed shaking my head walking away from the door letting them in. I quickly placed both letters in my underwear draw before they could question me on what they were.

“Hair and make-up should be here any minute now, we just spoke did you shower and everything?” Ci asked me I nodded. “Yes, you speak to the boys?” I asked

“Yea, Jay told me that they are about to get their hair cuts and stuff and that their suits are getting delivered by 12,” I raised my eyebrow and shook my head while my aunt, mama J and Mama Lisa walked in the room

“They should have been at the house since early this morning,” I stressed my aunt placed her hand up. “Don’t Rae. Everything will be fine, don’t let anything stress you out, or have your mind running all crazy,” she coached I shook my head if only she knew her words are a little too late.

“I’m not ma, I just need everything to run smoothly,” I breathed out as the doorbell rang.

I would be lying if I said the butterflies weren't on a high ten right now. I thought waking up this morning I would be fine, I love Ant and I’m more then happy to be marrying him but I’m so nervous. I thought wedding day jitters was something you only saw in a movie or TV show, but this is real life. It’s weird though because neither Ci or Jay looked or felt the way I do right now. I’m just mostly scared something will go wrong and I don’t want that to happen. Both Ant and I worked hard to make sure this day would be perfect for the both of us.

“I don’t know Rae, you look like you’re about to throw-up, you okay?” Iyana asked me.

“I’m fine, though I am a little nervous,” she smiled and waved me off.

“That’s natural baby,” Mama Lisa spoke smiling at me. “Tell me about it, I fainted the day your uncle and I got married,” My aunt said I chuckled shaking my head.

“Why?” I asked her she shrugged. “I was nervous, for some reason I had a feeling that when it was time to walk down the aisle he’d leave me or wouldn't be there all together,” she laughed.

“Oh my gosh aunty, I can imagine how that made Uncle Nas feel,” Tae said. “He doesn't even know, my mother made sure nobody told him, and she told me not to tell him either. I have no idea why she did it or told me why but I have never told him and never will,” My grandmother really was a trip I do miss her dearly, I know she’s extremely proud of me though.

“Did you ever get over your nerves though?” I asked her she nodded. “Of course, once they opened those doors, we made eye contact and I saw those tears fall from his eyes,” she paused reminiscing.

“I told myself Nia this is your best friend, you’re marrying the guy who knows you better then you know your own self at times what is there to be nervous about. That’s all you have to tell yourself baby,” she shrugged kissing my forehead. Ci looked over at me and quickly looked away once my eyes met hers which had me all the way confused but I brushed it off. I didn't need that confusion on top of how I’m already feeling, especially not today.

“That’s so sweet aunty, how much years now?”

“28 years of beautiful marriage,” she boasted. This is why she and my uncle are my inspiration.  

“I’m trying to be like you aunty,” Yana smiled big her and Cole are already married and out of all of us I thought they’d tie the knot before any of us. We have all been in a relationship around the same time, but those two are so different. I don’t think they’ve ever had to deal with any infidelity ever. Tey may have had to knock a few bitches for trying to get at her man but with Cole he knew what he had and he cherished her I’m so happy for them and know for a fact that they are forever.

Just as we were going to continue our conversation the doorbell rang loud as ever. We all headed out my room and downstairs. “Hi,” I answered the door greeted by a bunch of people and of course David

“Your hair and makeup crew,” David announced. “Hi David,” I smiled hugging him.

“I spoke to Kathy she will be here with your dresses any minute, I’m going to check on the men. Call me if you need anything,” I nodded letting him out the house.

After setting all my girls up with their own mini glam squad it was finally time to sit with mine. We have more then enough time before the actual wedding so I wanted to explore different hairstyles. With the way my dress is set up I need an up-do, so we’ll experiment with that.

I will say my nerves are slowly dying down and I just can’t wait to walk down the aisle.


*Later That Day*

Fixing my bow tie I walked out the room to where all the guys stood and cleared my throat posing one time. “That boy clean up nice,” Jamal spoke brushing my shoulders off, I laughed rubbing my hands together.

“You ready bro?” Jay asked me shaking my shoulders. “Shit, more ready than I’ve ever been in life, I still can’t believe this day is here, finally here. I’ve been ready to marry  Rae since pulling that ring out,” I sighed rubbing my hand over my head.

“That’s real bro, so I guess I don’t have to talk you about treating my sister right huh?” he aksed me I waved him off.

“Have you ever had to before?” I joked as we bust out laughing. “You right bro, you got a good one right there, never forget that, and that’s all I’m going to say,” he said I nodded, don’t I know it.

I remember there was a point in time where I knew for a fact that I wasn’t going to get married because I could never keep a girl for the life of me. Girls only wanting me for money, or using me to be on my arm just because of the authority my name holds.

Seeing Rae in the club that night I thought I could pull her, we’d have sex and that would be it. But seeing her in the office the next day and just talking to her my mind changed immediately after. I didn’t think we’d make it here but I knew I wanted to keep her around for a little minute. She was cool as hell and easy to talk to, getting to know her more each day made me fall in love quick. She is everything every guy in the world needs, she’s beautiful, outgoing, independent, holds it down, has the best personality in the world, and to top it off she’s crazy, and when I say that I mean in a sexy way.

I can most definitely say my girl is one in a million because quite frankly she is. In all my years of dating I have never met anyone like her, and I’m happy I got her before anyone else could. This girl is everything and more and I’m glad that she’ll be wearing my last name.

“Yo anybody speak to the girls?” Trey asked Cole nodded. “Yea they waiting on their limo, ours is outside everybody ready?”  he asked I nodded.

“Wait where Dom go?” Jay asked. “He still had Ken’s bag so he went to drop it off, said he’s gonna meet us there,” Ty answered I shrugged and walked out the house. In all honesty we are cool, and got over whatever beef we had but I wouldn’t miss the nigga if he didn’t show up. If it were up to me he wouldn’t even be at the wedding, but he’s Rae’s friend so whatever. Now that I think about it he can watch as I marry the girl he wish he could have.

Pulling up I smiled in awe it looked completely different than when we came here a few days ago just for a test run and it’s the same exact area. David did his thing I tell you that much, I know Rae is going to love it.

“The girls will be here any minute,” David spoke once we approached him. “Cool, can we go see who’s out there?’ I asked him. “Of course go greet your guess I’ll let you know when it’s time to take your places,” I nodded.

I smiled once walking inside greeting all my family members and Rae’s family that Uncle Nas introduced me to. Everybody and everything looked absolutely looked amazing last piece of the puzzle is the girls and my bride to be.
“You ready?” Jamal asked me I nodded. “Yea man I’m ready. You see her?” I asked him he smiled.

“You lucky man, she looks beautiful. Bro believe me when I tell you she’s a keeper,” he said holding his hand out. We dapped each other and ended up in a brotherly hug.

“Okay, Ant you go ahead and take your place, your bridal party will follow after,” David instructed I nodded and dapped everybody.

Walking up to the alter I looked around and smiled at anybody I made eye contact with. I’m really about to get married.

After shaking hands with the pastor I took my place and watched as everyone came down the alter. The girls look great, Rae did a good job picking out their dresses.

The doors opened and instead of the traditional wedding song playing I picked out I Gotta Be by Jagged Edge to be played while Rae walked down the ailse. This is something I wanted to do and she told me I could even though she claims she was nervous for what I would pick. She wore a big smile once the song began playing that I mirrored. She looked stunning, like the queen she is and that alone caused tears to roll down my face.

My dad always told me Jordan men are Kings, and one day I would find a Queen to spend the rest of my life with. And for the first time ever I can finally say I found my Queen.


My hair came out perfect something simple yet elegant exactly what I wanted. The dresses have finally arrived so now it was time to get dressed and get married.

“Rae we need you dressed first, just in case we need to alter anything,” I raised my eyebrow and shook my head. I’m confused as to what Davis is implying but I’ll leave him alone.

“Yo where is Ken’s bag at?” Ci asked I shrugged. “It should be upstairs,”

“It’s not, I’m trying to get her ready and nothing is here,” I sighed and grabbed my phone before walking over to David and Kathy. Unlocking it I went to my recent logs and hit Dom’s name.

“Yo,” he answered all loud. “You loud as hell man,” I complained.

“Sorry, these fools loud as hell, what’s up?’ he asked me. “You all like what’s up, we need Ken’s bag fool,” he cursed under his breath which caused me to laugh a bit.

“I’ll be there in 2.5 seconds the shit has been looking at me for the past ten minutes and I ain’t even realize it was her bag. She’s good right?” he asked me.

“Yea, she’s sleep right now Ci was just about to start getting her ready,” I informed him.

“Alright, I’m leaving right now,” he said before we both hung up.

“He’s on his way,” she nodded and headed back upstairs. “Alright come on,” David said as I removed my clothes. Holding my boobs with one hand I used my other to hold David’s hand as I stepped into my dress.

“How does it feel?” Kathy asked me. “It’s fine a little snug but I’m fine, I can breathe and move around so I’m straight,” I joked.

“Your shoes?” Lauren asked me. “Upstairs, I’ll go get them,” I said holding my dress up and headed upstairs.

“Ci,” I called walking into my room. “Rae you look so good baby, Ant gon be crying his eyes out,” she said

“His ass better or I’m turning my ass around,” I said as we bust out laughing. “Get my shoes for me please,” I smiled big. “C'mon,” she bent down to place my shoes just as Dom walked in the room.

“Oh good you here. Help Rae put her shoes on and I will get Ken dressed,” Ci breathed out grabbing the bag and lightly picking up a sleeping Ken.

“You look beautiful Rae,” he said before getting down to place my shoes on. “Thank you,” I mumbled.

“No problem,”

There was an awkward silence between us and we both knew why. This should of have been us but we all know how that turned out.

“Look Dom-” I started but he cut me off and stood to his feet. “Don’t trip, we don’t even have to speak on it. I’m glad you got it though,” he smiled looking me in my face I nodded.

“You do know I love you right, and you’re still one of my best friends ever?” I asked him he chuckled shaking his head and kissed my forehead.

“Shit, I better be. But I love you too Rae, you know that. Now come on before they come up here and curse ya ass for making them late,” he joked I smacked his shoulder and followed him out the room.

“The bride has arrived y'all,” Dom yelled holding my hand as we walked downstairs.

“You look so beautiful baby,” Mama J said kissing my cheek. “Thank you Mama,”

“My son is one lucky man, you look absolutely gorgeous, welcome to the family,” Mama Lisa smiled hugging me. I looked over at my aunt and she was just crying her eyes out.

“You know I’ve been waiting for this moment forever, next are my grand babies,” I laughed shaking my head. “You ready?” she asked me I nodded.

“Of course ma, I’m ready to go meet my husband,” I smiled big. “You wanna ride with us Dom,” I asked him.

“Nah, I’ll meet you guys there my car outside,” I nodded as we all walked out the house.
“Wow Rae I never knew you could remove that ugly ass mask off your face and look so pretty,” Ty said walking up to me. “I should beat your ass,” I spat he bust out laughing and hugged.

“Shut up, you know I’m joking. You look prettifull,” he said kissing my cheek causing me to laugh. “You really get on my nerves, thank you though,” he nodded.

“Everything turned out the way you wanted it sis, everybody looks great, you look beautiful, congrats sis,” Trey and Cole greeted. “Y'all rehearse that corny asses?” I asked laughing.

“We brothers, we think alike sometimes,” Cole said kissing my cheek. “Thank you brothers,” I smiled as Trey kissed my forehead. “Don’t tell Ant I said this but you make his ugly ass look so much better,” Jamal joked I waved him off.

“You gon stop talking about my baby,”

“You look stunning cousin in law,”

“Thanks,” I smiled as Jay walked up to me. “Uncle Nas you know this girl right here?” he pointed at me I smiled shaking my head. “Can’t say I do, she does look familiar though,” my Uncle played along.

“Y'all need to stop,” I said walking into my Uncles open arms. “No but seriously though Rae I know we ain’t blood related but that don’t stop the fact that you’re my little sister. I really can’t believe you’re getting married, no matter how old you get you’re still gonna be my annoying little sister following my ass everywhere in the damn park knowing damn well you was too young to play with us,” he said making me laugh through my tears.

“C'mon now Jay, you got me crying,” I chuckled. “My bad, I got you,” he said grabbing a tissue tapping my tears. “Look I’m proud of you that’s all you need to know, and of course I love you. I gave you your nephew, where my niece at?”

“It takes time bro, I love you so much man,” I said hugging him. My Uncle walked up to me and placed his hands on my shoulders.

“You want the long version or the short version?” he asked which caused me to laugh. “You gonna make me cry too Unc, give me the short version,” I smiled he laughed and shook his head.

“Besides your aunt you have become one of the greatest blessings to enter my life and I try my best to make sure you know that everyday. Whether it be by me actually telling you, showing you, or just loving you. I’ve never claimed you my niece to anyone because well you’re my daughter and I know you look at me more as your dad then uncle and I’m glad I was able to be not only an Uncle but the father you need. Walking you down aisle has been a dream of mine, and today it finally comes true, you’re growing up everyday but please never forget you will always be my little girl and know that I will always be here for you. I love you more then you think you know Rae. Now I just need my grand babies,” I shook my head and wiped the tears that fell from my eyes.

“If that was the short version I can only imagine how long the long version would be,” I joked as we shared a laugh wiping my tears.

“Thank you so much pops, I love you more then you’ll ever know,” I said kissing his cheek.

No one really knows how much this man means to me, he didn’t have to take me in but he did and I’m so thankful for him.

“You ready?” he asked as everyone took their places. I nodded grabbing on to his arm.

Once we stepped inside ‘I Gotta Be’ by Jagged Edge started playing and I immediately placed a smile on my face and like the clock work the tears began when I caught Ant’s gaze and he began crying.

My baby did great by picking that song, I honestly had no idea what he would pick and I was so nervous. Everything and everyone looked so great I can honestly say I did that.

Grabbing Ant’s hand I smiled stepping up to come face to face with my baby and the butterflies started once again. I’m really doing this, I’m getting married.

The pastor began and heart raced quickly, soon from now I will become a Jordan.

Third Person