I asked you to come off anon because I’ve recently talked with a person who has felt many of the same things that you feel in your relationship with God. In doing some more research, I think I am finding that this extreme sense of not feeling able to be saved or continually never feeling good enough for God or for yourself is something more than much of the doubt/fear many Christians are subject to.
From your message you set previously, you mentioned how you know that you’re constantly failing God and that you’re not good enough for redemption.
I think at this point, these thoughts have become more than just the normal amount of guilt for the consequences of sin and may have been perpetuated by a psychological condition I’ve recently researched called scrupulosity. Scrupulosity, often termed as “religious OCD”, is a psychological condition that affects some Christians and makes them feel like they will never be good enough for the love of God and that they will surely be damned to hell and that they screw up too many times to deserve His salvation. This is a very good resource to learn more about this condition.
Now, I don’t want to pathologize you and I definitely don’t want to diagnose you with a psychological condition when I haven’t met you face to face (and when I have neither a theology degree nor a doctorate in psychiatry). I do want you to be free to live your life and your walk and your awesome salvation in His arms, worry free and burden-less.
And so if my suspicions are correct, if you are showing signs of this scrupulosity, I don’t think that the words that I will say to you will be enough to convince you of the unconditional love of Christ. I can say that if you choose to look further into the possibility of these psychological signs, I can definitely do some research and see if there are any free counseling sessions or offices around your area.
I don’t want you to think that you’re broken or screwed up for having these thoughts because that isn’t true at all. I’m somebody who likes to keep true to my word and I wouldn’t say these things if they weren’t based in the truth. I do want you to know that even when you don’t feel like it, your God is always there for you. Even if you can’t always remember it, His love is all we can ask for imagine. A lovely follower, theveryhungryblonde shared an awesome verse with us for you.
Through the words of 1st Corinthian 12:9-
“But he said to me - My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
With that, I urge you to understand that what you’re going through and what you’re experiencing is not exclusive to you. Many people in this world feel like they are the worst of sinners and that there is absolutely no hope for them because they’ve failed God for far too many times. But, there is hope in numbers (in terms of the fact that there are so many people who have felt just like you) and there is hope in the power and potency of God to triumph all feelings of inadequacy and fear.
I was very reluctant to go into much more details about the possibility of you experiencing this condition in public. If you are still embarrassed to come off anon, I can totally understand but this is totally a place free of judgment and a place that is meant to usher in the healing of God in our lives and in our walks.
I definitely encourage you to keep reading up on these things that I’ve brought up here and if/when you’re ready, message us again so we can talk all of these things through and see if we can get you free or reduced Christian counseling around the area to address the possibility of this condition.
- 31Women (Akua)