For the Drabble challenge - can you do Roman and whoever with #3? PS - you're my fave<3
a/n: awww, thank you!!! also this is probably angstier than it should have been? whoops?
03. “I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.”
warnings: self-deprecating language and thoughts
When Roman walks into the living room, Morality is curled up on the couch. He’s got his favorite blanket—a baby blue one with pictures of puppies scattered across it—wrapped tightly around him, and a mug of hot chocolate sits forgotten on the floor. He’s staring aimlessly at the TV, where Spongebob is playing, and his eyes are puffy and red.
Roman’s heart breaks almost immediately upon seeing him.
“My love?” He waits until Patton look at him, startled, before continuing. “Whatever is the matter? Are you well?”
Patton offers him a wobbly smile. “Yeah, honey. Fine and dandy. Just a little tired, that’s all. Do you need something?”
“I need you to feel better,” Roman says, determined. “Shall I warm your hot chocolate back up?”
“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that. I—”
“I want to.”
Patton hesitates, then nods at him. Roman picks up his mug of hot chocolate, carries it into the kitchen and sticks it into the microwave. Then he brings it back to Patton, encouraging him to sit up and sip at it. “Thank you,” Patton says. “You’re so nice, Ro. So nice and good and—and—”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Roman says, alarmed by the sudden presence of tears in Patton’s eyes. “What troubles you? What can I do?”
“It’s nothing, really,” Patton says, scrubbing a hand across his face.
Roman curls an arm around Patton’s shoulders, drawing him close. “Come now, darling—I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid. Something’s clearly bothering you.”
“That,” Patton says, suddenly fierce—he straightens up, eyes brightening as though he’s just stumbled upon an enormous realization. “That’s what’s bothering me.”
“Oh. Um. And what is that, exactly?”
“I’ve been feeling off all day and I couldn’t figure out why, but—but it’s because of you,” Patton says, breathless with realization and—and—
And oh, that hurt to hear. “Me?”
“Yes, you. You’ve been doing that all day, the—the talking down on yourself, the—”
Well, that’s surprising. “Talk down on myself? Dear, I think you must have misunderstood. I never—”
“Yes, you do. The whole—the whole ‘I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid,’ thing—you’re not an idiot or stupid, Roman, you—”
“That was a joke, I didn’t—”
“No it wasn’t. It wasn’t, because it feels like it wasn’t.” Patton curls his hand into a fist over his heart, trembling. “It feels bad. You feel bad and it’s making Thomas feel bad and it’s making me feel bad.”
Roman stares at him for a moment, taken aback. “I—I apologize?”
“Yes, you need to,” Patton says, squirming around and taking Prince’s face in his hands. They’re still warm from being cupped around his hot chocolate. “But not to me, to you. You don’t deserve to be talked about like that, even if you think it’s just a joke.”
Roman adores Patton, he really does—but sometimes the things he says are terribly far-fetched. “Are you quite sure that this is what’s making you feel bad? Because I’ve felt fine all day, so I don’t—”
“A hundred percent sure,” Patton says, leaning forward to push his forehead against Roman’s. “And I’m sorry you feel this way, Roman. You’re not stupid, and you’re not mean, and you’re not unreasonable. You can do things that are—are stupid or mean or unreasonable, but that’s not who you are.”
And for some unfathomable reason, that makes tears prick at Roman’s eyes. What the fuck? He felt fine, he’d been feeling fine, he was perfect. “Patton—”
“You’re—you’re brave, and you’re confident, and you’re creative, and I love you and you should love you too.”
Why doesn’t Patton just tear his insides out? It would hurt less. “I don’t—Pat—”
“So don’t talk like that about yourself. At least—at least not for the rest of today. Give yourself a break, okay? You deserve it.”
No, he doesn’t. He hasn’t done anything good all day—he’s just been moping around and playing video games and coloring in stupid coloring books. He even snapped at Virgil and—and those stupid tears are trying to force their way down his cheeks and this is ridiculous. He brings up his hands to scrub them away, but Patton stops him.
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Patton says, his voice unbearably gentle. “It’s okay to feel.”
And Roman is gone—his breath hitches, the first few tears roll down his face, and then he’s outright bawling. He pushes himself further into Patton’s embrace, burying his face against Patton’s shoulder and shuddering. Warm hands rub circles on his back, and Patton’s voice is a constant, soothing murmur in his ear.
“You’re alright, Roman, shh-shh. I’m here, I have you—everything’s okay, this is okay. We’re going to be just fine. There you go, that’s it.”
What the fuck has Patton done to him? He was perfectly fine, and then Patton just reached inside and yanked his heart out and oh, it hurts, but—but at the same time, he’s relieved. Patton knows. Patton can help. Patton is helping.
“Sweetheart, can you look at me?” Patton asks, urging Roman’s face up. When Roman’s eyes meet his, he leans forward to scattered kisses across Roman’s cheeks and forehead. “There you are. I’m so proud of you, Ro.”
Roman blinks wearily at him, lashes sticking together wetly.
“Oh, honey. Come here. Snuggles.”
Patton rearranges them on the couch until they’re both lying down, tangled together with each other and with Patton’s blanket. Patton continues to press little, reassuring kisses to Roman’s face, even as he relaxes and closes his eyes. Emotions are exhausting, and he knows they’ll have a lot to talk about soon, but—
But for now, he is loved, and he is safe, and he is okay.