Small Pines children from past interact with future selves, react with disproportionate optimism

By Shandra Jimenez

GLASS SHARD BEACH, N.J. — Two small children have come forward after finding a device on the beach, saying that it allows them to speak to individuals from various timelines, including several versions of themselves.

The twin children, Stan and Ford Pines, 8, who seem to exist within a 1960s timeline, seem to be the past versions of Stanley Pines, who was, until recently, proprietor of the Mystery Shack, and his brother, renowned scientist and cryptozoologist, Stanford Pines, both of whom are currently on an expedition in the Atlantic Ocean.

The younger twins say that, in an unfortunate twist of events, is the only website they seem to be able to access. Using this site, tuned to several different timelines at once, the twins find themselves communicating with alternate versions of themselves, and other various personalities.

“Stan did something and now, apparently, we are messing with time,” said Ford. “So far, all we have learned is Stan becomes a hobo somehow, and that we should stay away from triangles. It is very confusing.”

They say their interactions include two women named Marilyn and Carla; the Pines family’s pet pig, Waddles; a mysterious version of Stanford who goes by “Allstar,” as well as what appears to be a sentient computer program named GIFfany.

Another interaction they’ve had was with a version of Stanley, still in his early 30s, who the younger Stan Pines “likes to talk to a lot.” This alternate timeline inhabitant was reached by Gravity Falls News for comment.

“Stan likes to cheer me up, so I like talking with him,” Stanley, a drifter in the early 1980s, said. “Little Ford don’t talk to me much [sic].”

On speaking to his past self, the drifter said this: “It’s nice to see him so happy.”

The younger twins do not seem taken aback by their interdimensional pen pal’s situation. “I learned that I am going to be a hobo, but I feel like it is just a chance for me to travel around without having to worry about nothing [sic],” the youngest Stan said.

Despite that, young Ford says it is best to keep interactions with their future selves to a minimum.

Stan and Ford both live with their parents in a pawn shop on Glass Shard Beach.

“Ma is great, she lets me tell her predictions for her phone business thingy and will say them. Pops is strict and stuff but he loves us. I know he does. Just DDDEEEEEEEPPPP down [sic],” Stan said.

“Yeah home is fine. We just have to strive for the best like Pa wants. It is home, can’t change that too much,” Ford added.

However, as we all know, change is inevitable for the younger Pine twins.They seem to be in the dark regarding many of the turns their lives have in store for them from this point on, but they are receiving clues through the device they have acquired.

“Today GIFfany said that we are going to get into a big fight in the future and stop talking, and it really upset Ford and I don’t like it either, because we are supposed to be together forever,” Stan said.

The most recent development in their young lives is Stan’s gap-riddled smile, with a new tooth coming in crooked. We can only hope that they only endure smaller obstacles from here.




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