Freelancer Christmas

Carolina - “I mean I’m Jewish but sure?? Go holidays I guess.”

Washington - Refuses to admit he believed in Santa until he was 15

North - Dresses up as Santa, picked out the perf gifts for everyone

York - “I’m not Santa but you can sit on my lap ;)”

Wyoming - Loves the “traditional” Christmas

Florida - Same as Wyo, and always drinks a lil too much egg nog

South - “Why have egg nog when we could just go straight to alcohol.”

Tex - thinks Christmas is a bullcrap holiday and a waste of everyone’s time

Maine - Has no idea what to get people so he usually just gets them gift cards

Imagine Agent Florida being able to tell exactly when the other freelancers are having a hard time.

He can pick up the small signs that York’s eye is bothering him, and knows where he keeps his pain medication.
He can tell when Wyoming is feeling tense and knows how to make tea just the way he likes it.
He can detect when Carolina is stressed about the leaderboard and knows how to braid her hair for her in exactly the way her mother used to to comfort her.
He can tell if North and South have been arguing and is aware that simply listening to what each of them has to say will make them both feel better.
He knows that when Connie is upset, a cupcake in her favourite flavour left in her locker will do wonders.
He can detect when Wash is in a low mood and immediately deliver anonymous cat photos for a quick mood boost.
He knows that Tex finds cleaning armour therapeutic so he’ll discretely drop off a few pieces at her door for her to clean when he knows she’s feeling down.
He can tell when Maine is frustrated and knows that offering to spar with him for a while will help him take his mind off things.
And when Florida himself isn’t feeling great, really all he has to do is try and cheer someone else up and that usually makes him feel at least a little bit better

Who you should fight: RVB Freelancer edition

Connecticut: Shit man I mean??? Why would you?? She’s just trying to do what’s right and she saw how fucked up pfl was so like. Leave her alone??? Do not fight Connecticut.

Carolina: holy fuck man do you really think you can live??? She’s a badass and could kill you??? Also like she’s been through enough, she lost practically everyone just. Fuck. Do not fight Carolina.

Florida: haha. Dude. You did see this guy like. Pull a fucking hatchet out of his shoulder and keep fighting, right? Why would you think this is a good idea. Also like he’s so good to everyone and super positive even tho he could kill you in like three seconds?? Do not fight Florida.

Georgia: Don’t. He’s already pretty much the joke aboard the MoI (“You don’t wanna end up like Georgia!”) and he got flung through space I mean. If you want to punch him go for it but. Be nice. Do not fight Georgia.

Idaho: You can punch Idaho. But only once. Any more than that and you’re just cruel. Fight Idaho.

Iowa: Fuck you pal!!! Why would you want to do this!!!! Leave Iowa alone!!!! Do not fight Iowa!!!

Maine: HAHA. WOW. You’re really considering this, aren’t you. First of all, ask yourself this: WHY??? Why in god’s name would you want to fight Maine????? Fuck!!!! Not only is he super tall and probably buff as shit, he’s a huge nerd and has been through enough!!! If you wanna punch someone punch Sigma!!!! Leave Maine alone!!!! DO NOT FIGHT MAINE!!!!!!

North Dakota: North once shot a guy in half. He also uses two sniper rifles at the same time like what the fuck is with him?? What is with this unnecessary dramatic flair?? Why is he such a nerd??? Punch North once. Right in the got damn face. Fight North.

Ohio: Why would you? Girl’s just trying her best to get noticed. She’s a huge nerd but I mean there’s nothing wrong with that and she owns it so?? I mean, on the other hand she might be into being punched? There’s that whole thing with Sherry so? Fight Ohio?

South Dakota: Holy FUCK!! WHY?? South could kick your fucking ass!!!!! Do not!!!!! This has bad idea written all over it!!!! Do not fight South!

Texas: haha. Hahahaa. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. OHHHH MY GODD???? YOU’RE ACTUALLY CONSIDERING—IM CRYING RN HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCK DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE DID TO THE REDS + TUCKER??? DO YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO YOU?? DO YOU??? THIS GIRL HAS A SONG DEVOTED TO HOW BADASS SHE IS OKAY IF YOU FUCK WITH TEX YOU’LL BE ON YOUR KNEES FOR SURE DO NOT FIGHT TEXAS!!

Utah: I mean….I guess?? Idk he almost suffocated when he got the domed energy shield so I mean? Maybe don’t? If you want to tho I won’t stop you. Do not fight Utah?

Washington: Fuck!!! You!!! Leave Wash alone!! He’s done a lot of shitty stuff in the past but at least he’s working toward doing not as shitty things!! He’s a pretty cool dude who lost all of his friends!! Leave Wash alone!!! Do not fight Washington!!

Wyoming: Fuck with that mustache literally who wouldn’t want to. If you want to punch Wyoming I won’t stop you. Fight Wyoming.

York: He’s already dead!!!! Stop!!! He may have really bad pickup lines but just!!! Don’t!!!! He just wanted the best for his friends!!! He’s a nerd!! That’s why he was paired with Delta—THEY’RE BOTH HUGE FUKCIN NERDS!!!! Do not fight York!!!

who u should fight rvb freelancer version
  • York: York’s a great guy who could also probably like, rip you in half but tbh I feel like he’s that guy in the group who makes endless puns and dick jokes so, hey, punch him and then run away, lock a door behind you, and you’ll be fine. Fight York.
  • Carolina: I mean. I don’t know what show you’ve been watching, I really don’t. Jesus Horatio Christ on a popsicle don’t fight Carolina.
  • Washington: Wash has had the shittiest life ever. Of all time. Do not fight Wash give Wash chocolate and love.
  • South Dakota: True, South will rip you to tiny bitty little shreds, okay yeah but she got North killed and Theta lost and just... if you can fight South pls go for it
  • North Dakota: Why would you fight him. Why. North wants to give you a blanket and a cup of tea and talk about Grifball with you why would you fight him? Also if you did fight him he'd shoot you from three miles away. You're not nearly good enough to even get near him to actually fight him so don't bother. Don't fight North.
  • Texas: IF YOU FUCK WITH TEX YOU'LL BE ON YOUR KNEES FOR SURE
  • Maine: If you want death, then yes, fight Maine. But don't actually. Either he'd punch you once and you'd explode or he'd pick you up by the scruff of your neck and place you on a really high shelf or something. Don't fight Maine.
  • Connecticut: CONNIE IS A GOOD HUMAN BEING WHO'S TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING DON'T FUCKING FIGHT CT
  • Wyoming: Please rip his mustache off. Fight Wyoming.
  • Florida: That's like the worst idea ever ok look Florida is a chill honestly nice dude who will slather you with compliments and mean them but you will not last 0.0002 seconds in a fight with him. Nah he isn't on the leaderboard but that's probably cos he's like, way too cool for that shit okay don't fight Florida. Let Florida hug you.
  • Iowa: why would you do that that's like fighting Caboose except a Caboose who's never killed anyone okay it's like fighting Caboose's more innocent twin if that's possible DON'T FIGHT IOWA
  • Georgia: Yeah go ahead fight Georgia he seems like a dick. Also he probably sucks I mean we all know what happened to Georgia you might even win. Fight Georgia.
  • Ohio: bruh don't fight Ohio, set Ohio up with Sherry
  • Idaho: ehhhhhhhhhhh I feel like that would be a dick move. Don't fight Idaho.
  • Utah: how can you fight utah you don't even know what utah looks like

Imagine Agent Florida, while at Blood Gulch constantly bringing up the agents of Project Freelancer really vaguely in conversations with Tucker and Church. In case it triggers any of Church’s memories of being the Alpha, he’s unable to refer to them by name, but he still finds ways to bring them into conversations and anecdotes.

Church and Tucker end up hearing many a story of the Rookie, who filled his locker with pictures of cats and once got his helmet stuck on for three consecutive days. Or of the Infiltrations Specialist, who managed to lock himself out of his own room on a regular basis. Or sometimes about the Sniper, who would frequently use guns in increasingly unconventional ways, and was given a stupidly large amount of anonymous gifts every Fathers Day, despite the fact that he had no children. And also of the Sniper’s Sister, who would start fistfights if people looked at her wrong, and took the concept of birthday bumps far too seriously. Of the Leader, who would direct her teammates into battle with a stoic sense of command and respect, then take down that very same team in the corridors with stolen rounds lockdown paint the following night. And, most commonly, of the charming Englishman, with a spectacular mustache and a tendency for bringing Butch a cup of tea to wake him up every morning.

Both Tucker and Church would often take the stories with a pinch of salt, and it isn’t until talking with Wash about what the members of Project Freelancer were like before things went to shit that Tucker realises who the people in Captain Flowers’ stories actually were

A Red vs. Blue Thanksgiving

Featuring Project Freelancer

North bribing the kitchen staff of MOI to serve a thanksgiving feast that day.

Wash and Connie delighted to finally be using their arts and crafts skills to decorate the mess hall, and teaching Maine the art of the hand turkey.

South pretending to be annoyed with it, but secretly loving every minute of it.

Wyoming being apathetic, but still getting into the spirit by pulling out his best thanksgiving themed knock knock jokes.

Carolina being pissed that none of her squad showed up to morning training, but letting it go when she sees how much fun they’re all having.

York starting an epic food fight and letting Carolina treat it like their missed training session.

Imagine Agent York getting Delta to give him access to intercom system because he has an important message, and at three AM in the morning on October 1st, he wakes EVERYONE on the MOI up by screaming “IT’S HALLOWEEN WAKE UP FUCKERS”

Imagine Agent Florida in a minibus with the other freelancers on a roadtrip


- North is the only one that is trusted enough to drive so he ends up stuck in the front with York
- York is in control of music and if anyone has to hear gasolina one more time, murder is going to happen
- Wash shouts for them to stop the bus because he spotted a cat by the side of the road at least three times
- Florida finds himself pretty much sitting on Wyoming and nobody’s entirely sure how he ended up there. He also sings along to every single song and keeps attempting to initiate games to keep everyone entertained
- Wyoming gets physically kicked off the minibus after half an hour and is only let back on after he promises that he won’t make any more knock knock jokes
- Connie, Wash and Maine end up in the three-person group of seats at the back of the bus, but Maine takes up about two of the seats so Connie is on the verge of falling off the edge of the seat for the entire journey
- South is ready to launch North out the window for bringing up the fact that she always used to throw up on family car rides, because everyone keeps jokingly asking her if she’s feeling carsick (the answer is yes)
- Carolina and Tex become engaged in the most competitive game of I-spy that any of the Freelancers have ever seen. The game is only ever interrupted long enough for the two of them to complain about York’s music choices every few minutes

Imagine the freelancers when they were children

York flirting with every girl in his class

Maine beating up bullies who picked on unpopular kids

Wash getting his first cat from his grandma for Christmas 

South cutting her hair and trying to trick all of the kids at school into thinking she was North

North taking the blame for South putting gum in a popular girl’s hair

Connie volunteering to be on her school’s recycling team because no one else would

Carolina making Allison arts and crafts for when she came home

Wyoming telling his dad that he was going to have a cool mustache just like his when he grew up

Florida laughing so hard that milk squirted out of his nose  

Now remember that they’re all super dead

Imagine the freelancers not only having an audio communication channel, but a text and picture based one too.
- Wash using it to send everyone pictures of cats at 3am
- The collective groan from every Freelancer on the Mother of Invention as Wyoming sends them all another goddamn knock knock joke
- York constantly forgetting to switch conversations to private when telling people stuff, or messaging the wrong people, and the majority of the freelancers have some sort of blackmail material against him by this point
- Maine responding to everything using only text faces (his most used one is probably ಠ_ಠ)
- North and Florida becoming engaged in a passive aggressive, completely text based war over who is the true team dad
- The constant joke of taking pictures of someone when they’re not looking, then sending it to everyone but the person who is subject of the photo, who will in turn be confused as to why everyone is suddenly laughing and looking at them
- South and CT glancing over at one another in the rec room then laughing, and nobody has a clue what they’re messaging each other about but it’s evidently something amusing
- The Director reminding everyone that the text based communication channel is to be used only for professional purposes, then being spammed with memes by York and Wash in response