Predictions: Kat saw this movie when it came out. Alex, half-remembering maybe having read its summary at some point, predicted that Alison Brie and Jason Sudeikis meet in a sex-addicts support group, hook up with each other, and then are afflicted with feelings.
Plot: Well, clearly Alex did read the summary for this movie, although she also obviously forgot some parts. Alison Brie and Jason Sudeikis first meet in college because Alison Brie is stalking Adam Scott, her TA. Jason Sudeikis lives on Adam Scott’s floor and rescues Alison Brie. They lose their virginities to each other and then don’t see each other again for twelve years. THEN they run into each other at a sex-addicts support group. Jason Sudeikis is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater who can’t stop two-timing…three-timing…four-timing the ladies. Alison Brie is also cheating — but only with Adam Scott. Adam Scott with a tiny unbearable mustache. She and Jason Sudeikis reconnect and decide to become friends.
Jason Sudeikis helps Alison Brie kick her Adam-Scott habit because Adam Scott is now engaged (even though he keeps calling Alison Brie anyway), while Alison Brie…well, encourages Jason Sudeikis to try to connect with women outside of sex. Meanwhile, Alison Brie has also gotten into med school, and Jason Sudeikis is playing the long game in wooing his boss, Amanda Peet. But pretty much everyone in Alison Brie and Jason Sudeikis’s lives — including the two of them — kind of thinks that they are together. But, no, they’re just friends.
Such good friends, you guys. They are just the most platonic of pals, with their snuggling and their pet names and Jason Sudeikis teaching Alison Brie how to touch herself. This is all stuff people do with their friends. Such good friends. May we all be blessed with such friendships. Friendships that we don’t want to ruin or complicate with our obvious non-friend feelings.
Things are going fine until Jason Sudeikis and Alison Brie attend Jason Mantzoukas’s kid’s birthday party. While rolling on molly, Alison Brie manages to unwittingly attract a hot single dad. Much to Jason Sudeikis’s dismay, she goes out with him. Hot Single Dad takes Alison Brie to a fancy mixer, where she runs into — surprise! — Adam Scott and his shitty little mustache wife. Devastated, she tries to call Jason Sudeikis. However, he doesn’t pick up, because he has finally managed to con Amanda Peet into a date. At the end of the night, the two of them meet up again at Jason Sudeikis’s apartment, snuggle up in bed, and admit that they are in love with each other. “But what are two platonic in-love pals to do?” Alison Brie inquires. “Nothing,” Jason Sudeikis says, with his big emo eyes. “Absolutely nothing.” (We may be paraphrasing, but barely.)
With that, Alison Brie moves to Michigan to attend med school, and she and Jason Sudeikis say goodbye forever. Which is weird, because now we all have Facebook, so… But okay, sure. Two months go by. Jason Sudeikis is now like…boyfriend of the year to Amanda Peet?? Like, taking her kid to soccer and surprising her with a birthday trip to France???? But one day, while at brunch with her, he spies A Certain Mustache sitting across the way. How can one miss that mustache? Of course, Jason Sudeikis is filled with the urge to punch said mustache in the face. This effectively terminates both Mustache’s brunch and Jason Sudeikis’s relationship with Amanda Peet.
He calls Alison Brie from the police station, partly because no one else will bail him out and partly to yell that he loves her. She yells enthusiastically back. Shortly after, Jason Sudeikis is trying to settle an emotional distress lawsuit with Dr. Mustache (oh yeah, he’s a doctor), but Mustache won’t budge. Alison Brie goes to see Mustache to cut ties and blackmail him into letting Jason Sudeikis off the hook. It works. She and Jason Sudeikis walk off into the sunset to have a quickie before they get hitched.
Best Scene: Jason Mantzoukas’s kid’s birthday party. Alison Brie and Jason Sudeikis dance together while on molly, which is pretty delightful, and then are miserable coming off it, which is also delightful. Then she gets approached by Hot Single Dad, and Jason Sudeikis is real bad at hiding his jealousy. Love it.
Worst Scene: Alison Brie trying to break things off with Adam Scott at the beginning. Oh my god, the first sighting of the MUSTACHE. But also, he is such a pretentious douche. Why is Adam Scott always a douche in movies?? Though we shouldn’t complain. Without “adam scott romantic comedy douche,” we would not have this blog.
Best Line: “Yeah, it’s like Ted Bundy. You can’t get them into a van by just being a jerk. You’ve got to have a certain way about you.” — Jason Sudeikis, talking about Alison Brie being an “approachable psychotic.” There were a lot of very funny lines though. This one just particularly made us laugh.
Worst Line: “Because I’d rather fail with you than win with anyone else.” — Jason Sudeikis, who was pretty much always very amusing and witty…unless he was declaring his feelings, at which point he would immediately become disgusting. Several. Times.
Highlights of the Watching Experience: So many famous people in this movie! Early on, Alison Brie breaks up with Adam Brody in a restaurant, and he has a very funny flip-out. It’s a nice bit role. Also, her best friend before she falls in love with Jason Sudeikis is Natasha Lyonne, playing yet another lesbian. Does she ever play non-lesbians? Has she just been lesbian-typecast? Discuss.
How Many POC in the Film: …Where to begin. Um. So, we have discussed on this blog in the past the crucial and controversial question: are Greeks POC? (We think yes in old-timey Europe, but probably not in modern-day America.) Anyway, Jason Mantzoukas is Greek. Some people, however, seem to think that because he has curly hair and is the color of Scar from The Lion King that he is…black???? Clearly, the casting directors of this film thought so, because his kids are DEFINITELY THE KIDS ONE WOULD CAST if one parent was white and the other was black. Those are some freaking adorable, Afro-having, mixed-race kids. On the one hand, how…nice?? that they are…celebrating…interracial…families???? On the other hand, while we may not know if Greeks are POC, I think we can all agree that they’re not black.
Alternate Scenes: How about, instead of a live-action Lion King starring CGI-ed lions, we just cast humans, AKA Jason Mantzoukas in the role of Scar? (You can’t un-see it now, can you? You’re welcome.)
Was the Poster Better or Worse than the Film: …Worse? The movie is about two people who like each other but aren’t having sex, whereas the poster seems to be about two people who hate each other and aren’t having sex. The poster is the poster for a movie about Jason Sudeikis and Alison Brie’s crumbling marriage. Maybe she just tried to drown him, so they’re talking about whether sleeping with other people would improve their relationship.
Score: 8.5 out of 10 platonic-pal smooches. It was so hard to score this one, you guys, because, on the one hand, it’s pretty recent, so who knows if it will stand the test of time…? But, on the other hand, is there anything we love more than best friends who are secretly in love???????? (This is a normal thing for two actual best friends to love. Not pathological at all. WHAT? SHUT UP. WE DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM. YOUR FACE HAS A PROBLEM.)
Ranking: 7, out of the 82 movies we’ve seen so far. Kat can’t remember why she originally told Alex this movie was only okay???? Maybe she loved it too much and couldn’t handle her feelings, much like Jason Sudeikis and Alison Brie.
Things that make my curls beautiful: - When the hairdresser just does it - All three wishes from a genie - Sacrificial offerings - When the stars are aligned and Sirius shines down and blesses it - Fucks knows
Things that don’t make my curls beautiful: - Hairbrushes - ‘Just like…finding the right product’