Aesop-Rock

IF RAPPERS WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER

Action Bronson
The fat bully who loves food

Aesop Rock
The science fair winner

Angel Haze
The A.G. dyke who knows how to fight

Andy Mineo
The born-again Christian

A$AP Rocky
The fuckboy with a fashion sense

Asher Roth
The surfer kook

Azealia Banks
The one ratchet bitch that nobody likes

Cibo Matto
The twins who have eating disorders

Danny Brown
The nerd with the weird laugh

Desiigner
The illiterate

Donald Glover / Childish Gambino
The deep-thinking poet who used to be socially awkward

Drake
The heartbroken kid who is coping over his ex by hanging out with his friends

Earl Sweatshirt
The metalhead in the back of the classroom

Eminem
The poor kid with anger issues

Hopsin
The kid who tries to educate everyone else; the “streetpreacher”

Flavor Flav
The kid who is always late for his classes

Flo Rida
The kid who loves his hometown way too much

Flying Lotus / Captain Murphy
The quiet kid who lives a double life outside of school

Gangsta Boo
The girl everyone is afraid of because she has a lot of older brothers

Gil-Scott Heron
The super-senior jazz enthusiast

Iggy Azalea
The white kid who tries to act black; the “burger”

Jay Z
The leader of the popular crew with a criminal family history

J. Cole
The straight A student

Joey Bada$$
The musical old soul

Kanye West
The douchebag who always plays the victim

Kendrick Lamar
The kid who escaped the gangbanging lifestyle

KiD CuDi
The pothead who sneaks out of Algebra to smoke alone at the parking lot

Killer Mike
The gossiper

Lil Jon
The wingman who helps the others get girls

Lil Wayne
The black kid who tries to act white; the “coconut”

Lil Yachty
The SpongeBob-obsessed eight grader with social anxiety that hangs out with the highschoolers during recess

Lupe Fiasco
The teacher’s pet

Macklemore
The only kid who actually watches the news

Mac Miller
The Internet-famous kid who hosts weekend parties

MF Doom
The graphic novel fanatic

M.I.A.
The transfer student who focuses on politics

Nicki Minaj
The wise single mother who knows how to get her life together

Pitbull
The alcoholic

Pusha T
The drug dealer

Rae Sremmurd
The freshmen duo

Soulja Boy Tell ‘em
The dance major

Stitches
The poseur

Trina
The whore

twenty | one | pilots
The sensitive kids who try to be on everyone’s good side

Tyler, The Creator
The class clown

Wallpaper.
The slacker

Yelawolf
The proud redneck

Young Thug
The closeted homosexual

Yung Lean
The Tumblr kid who brags about their vacation to Tokyo last summer

4

The first installment of my vinyl shares coming your way. Aesop Rock’s Impossible Kid Double LP (Neon Green & Hot Pink). Fucking amazing album for fans of the remarkably unique. The guy is the culmination of centuries of storytelling and the evolution of Hip-Hop. I’m not blowing smoke up unguarded asses here when I say that he is the absolute greatest lyricist every to script words over a beat. Granted, there are different aspects of “great”. Some (emo kids and delicate damsels) may take “great” to mean how an artist’s words “move” them. Okay. Roll with that. lol But that can’t be measured other than in volume, as in, “how many people the song has moved”, which isn’t a fair scale because of marketing. Duh. But I’m talking about unique talent. Originality. Complexity. Design. Creativity in the art of writing. Take it from a writer. This fucking guy is a freak genius. His lyrics are extraordinary. SO extraordinary that they leapfrog over most peoples’ perceptions. He won’t get the credit he actually deserves for a few hundreds years. Maybe more. But art schools and collage-course Creative Writing classes in the far future will be dissecting this guy’s words like they do Shakespeare’s now. They are that fucking amazing. And unlike most of his earlier albums, this one comes with the lyrics and it’s more decipherable in general. I don’t want to say dumbed-down, but maybe just more “clearly stated”. One of his most obvious critiques is that nobody can understand what the fuck he’s talking about (shocker lol). This one still needs to be studied to fully appreciate, but you can pick up a lot more from it just by casually listening than you could with his past works. 

The next two albums are Aesop Rock and Rob Sonic together as Hail Mary Mallon. Great albums for sure. The two make for a team unlike any that Hip-Hop has ever known. The vinyl is undoubtedly my two favorite pieces. The picture disc is some beastly fucking dark art (The album is called Beastiary. See what I…. nvm…that’s getting old), and the green marble has hand-etched art on side D. Just fucking beautifully artistic shit that compliments they’re style of unique Hip-Hop. 

Some favorite tracks on the 4 discs for you to get introduced to would be Aesop Rock’s Dorks and Mystery Fish, and Mallon’s Kiln and Garfield. -cc