Addictive

Perfectionism is very addictive because it is very seductive. It’s so great to think, ‘There’s a way I can do things where I can never be held in judgment by other people, that I can totally escape criticism.’ But it doesn’t work.
—  Brené Brown, The Power of Vulnerability
Bottled

Forgive me mother for I have chosen death.
I’m not cut out for this life,
never have been,
not since my first breath.
Afraid of people,
Afraid of being alone,
When I’m home I want to be away,
When I’m away I want to be home.

In my deepest darkest depths
is when I lust for life the most.

Those simple things,
that seem to satisfy so many,
were just never enough for me.
I want it the most when it’s most unattainable.
I have always been a lover of pipe dreams.
The ones too far away to come true.

-Alex

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Confusion Illusion

I am haunted
by these feelings that I cannot explain.
Fragments
of thoughts wandering through
the wasteland that is my brain.
If I could only make sense of them,
hold on to them,
transform them,
into words
somehow,
then I could create something,
possibly,
beautiful.

-Me

Drugs can make you remember things you don’t want to remember, that’s what causes a bad-trip. However, they can also make you forget the pain you felt in your life and give you a chance to live life without the pain of the past being a part of it. It’s a big risk, but whether we take that risk or not, it’s our personal choice. People shouldn’t judge us just because we gave it a shot…

Heroin heroin heroin heroin heroin

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When The Bough Breaks

Can’t logic it away
Nope,
Reason won’t work today
Doesn’t matter what I do
Or do not say
I’m going to have to live through this pain.
That’s okay.

-Alex

Still Not Death

The apprehension breeds the tension
Keeping me in a constant state of suspense and
I don’t know if I can take this
I don’t know how long I can fake this
So-called happily ever never before,
Misery deferred
Either my minds too quiet
Or it’s screaming for more.

-Me