Acon

Reminder that you do not have to feel bad about not wishing an abusive father happy father’s day. You do not owe them a happy father’s day. Their abuse is and was unjustified and you deserve to maintain the recovery you are fighting so hard for.

Cycles and Patterns of Abuse

When someone has demonstrated a pattern of abuse with you, then they are going to continue this pattern, Narcissists will train you to forgive them and have renewed hope in the relationship,  when they give you a break from abuse.

Just because someone stops abusing you for a short period of time does not mean they are being good to you. The cycle of abuse goes around in a circle from abuse , back to a “nice” phase and then back to abuse again. 

This pattern causes PTSD….a severe hypervigilance, an overload of cortisol and adrenaline, and eventually a malfunction of the amygdala and the fight or flight mode. 

You will learn to be on alert at all times for possible abuse and danger. Your brain and body were not designed to be in fight or flight mode in a regular basis. It will cause mental illness and physical illness. 

Emotional abuse and mental abuse are dangerous for your health. both mentally and physically.

Being the Golden Child Is Not So “Golden”

How does it feel, to always be perfect?

Putting others above yourself, without a second thought.

After all, you’re the good child.

The golden daughter who can do no wrong.

Until right no longer exists.

God forbid you have your own ideas.

Or any feeling beyond shame and doubt.

Always plaguing.

No feelings are your own.

You’re punished for having identity.

Of which you don’t even know.

It never belonged to you.

Like you do to them.

In their mind.

You are free.

You don’t realise.

How free you really are inside.

Drown out the voices of the outside world.

What they want you to hear.

Listen do your voice within.

The real fire is in there.

Those who are unheard.

I hear you.

I feel you.

I love you.

You are not who raised you.

You always have a choice.

Saying NO to a Narcissistic Parent or In-Laws

Here is a list of ways to say NO…

No.

No, thank you.

No, I really cannot do that.

No, I do not want to do that.

No, I am not interested in that.

No, I cannot find time in my schedule to do that.

No, I am just too overloaded right now, to do that.

No, I am not interested in doing that.  

No, you go ahead without me.

No, please ask someone else.

No, I do not have to think about it.  I would rather tell you NO right now.

I said no. Please respect my answer

If you have a history with this person that tells you that they will counter any reasons you give them for saying No, then you can try something like this..

“In the past my giving reasons for my No, seems to have just been an opening for someone to tell me the reasons are not good enough or to dispute my reasons in some way. So this time I am going to say simply No without going over my reasons with you. “

Update

Hey guys!

So it’s been about a week. I ended up fleeing home for the women’s shelter. I don’t ever want to go back. I’m not gonna lie, it’s super strict here and feels pretty suffocating at times. I was extremely depressed and angry, at least initially. I feel it beginning to lift now. It can feel controlling and isn’t the healthiest or best environment long-term. I am safe here. I can finally sleep again and don’t have to worry about how step-dad is going to behave or whether I will be manipulated today.

Being here…Has been extremely healing. I saw my therapist yesterday. The first person I saw who wasn’t a stranger, in close to a week. She pointed out that sometimes God takes away everything, so we can take the hard look at ourselves without distractions. Maybe intense healing is about to take place. That really hit me hard. She validated that my experience here is shitty, but it’s not worth leaving safety and some stability and going back into a completely dangerous and unsafe environment.

Last night, it finally hit me. When I first came here, I was extremely depressed cuz I realized that like 99% of my family is super toxic and operate by that behavior. I also realized that I was spending time with people that weren’t good for me and reminded me of certain family members. Thank god, this experience is helping me to realize who’s part of a real, healthy friendship with me and who I can trust. Well, still working on that last part.

Last night it hit me hard. Well, one of the things I brought up in therapy is my fear that I might be a covert narcissist or have enough “bad traits” to where I could be classified as a narcissist. Therapist told me she dxed me and I don’t fit any of the diagnostic criteria at all, rather I just have some traits of narcissism and not full-blown NPD. Definitely a huge relief for me. I may still fit the Borderline diagnosis, however, I am okay with that.

Last night fucking hit me like a train. I realized, after reading some stuff online…That I am both the Scapegoat and the Golden Child in the Narcissistic Family Dynamic. I can be both the victim and the perpetrator, the one being hurt and the one hurting, the perfect and the terrible child, the independent, the rebel to some, the perfect, obedient child to others. I am constantly unsure of my identity and also incredibly confident in who I am and what I believe. The entitled and selfish. The loving and caring. The cruel and kind-hearted. I am torn between strict independence and not knowing how to fucking do simple tasks because I didn’t have the confidence to do them. The one full of ideas and dreams, but not feeling sure if they’re mine or not cuz I was emotionally punished for not obeying mom or dad. The one with constant handouts or the one left alone. This is helping me to realize why I am the way I am. No role in the narcissistic family is a good, healthy one, until you’re no longer playing that role. Making a life of your own. Whether you fit into the role of Scapegoat, Golden Child, or the Lost Child, all are painful and toxic roles. We all have a choice.

I’m making the choice to heal my family by ending the cycle and playing into my own life. It’s a constant reminder that I am not my family and I have the power and choice to be a better person. Labels don’t matter, how you treat others does. Both abuse and love are a choice.

Dryads
haunting the groves,
nereids
who dwell in wet caves,
for all the white leaves of olive-branch,
and early roses,
and ivy wreaths, woven gold berries,
which she once brought to your altars,
bear now ripe fruits from Arcadia,
and Assyrian wine
to shatter her fever.
— 

Hilda Doolittle, from ‘Acon’.

10

Before I went on vacation to Japan, I was on tumblr and saw a post on a Hetalia Cafe. I looked further into that post and on the internet and found out there was something called the Animate Cafe which hosted different anime each month. I visited the Animate Cafe website (after translating it) and asked the help counter at the hotel I was staying at, and found out that Animate had a cafe for the new season (World Twinkle) and that it was running through July 2015 (when I was in Japan). To say I was thrilled is an understatement. 

I woke up at around 8 in the morning on a weekday (because the Japanese people were in school/work) and went to Animate Sunshine which is not too far from Ikebukuro station. The building was hard to miss because it had Animate written on the side. Since the cafe opened at 11, I (with my family) waited for a while, going to Starbucks (conveniently across the street along with Family Mart) then coming back to wait for two more hours. After a while the first floor opened and workers started rolling capsule machines outside (I spent a ton of money on the ones for AoT, Mekakucity Actors, Sailor Moon, Kuroko no Basuke, Haiku, even Inuyasha), so I spent time doing that.

Finally 11 am rolled around, and a Japanese man called everyone who was waiting for the cafe (about 20) into a line (we were first of course) and then took us upstairs. (up 7 floors) where we waited outside. After about 5 minutes, we were seated. The menus were in Japanese, but one of the waitresses spoke english and brought us an english menu. The tables were for two people each, so I sat with my little sister (I’m on America’s side). After looking at the menu, I ended up getting the <<”I am the Hero” America’s Hamburger Set>> (Because Japanese style burgers are really good), and the <<”Moi Moi! If you drink this you’ll feel heaven.” Nordic Countries’ Soda with 3 coloured jelly>>.

A while after ordering, one of the waitresses was making an announcement in japanese (which the other translated) which told everyone they could (in 10 minutes) purchase things from the store and special capsule machine. In ten minutes the people in the cafe (which were all girls) rushed to make the line to buy things since they were limited. I, being the big fan I am was the one who rushed the fastest, and made it to the front of the line while my little sister went straight for the capsule machines which sold special “buttons”

After buying lots of things, I went to my seat to find my food there. The food was really well made, but if I had to nitpick I’d say the buns were a bit crunchy. My sister loved the Italy meal (Cold pasta), while my mom enjoyed the Nordic meal (Salmon Gratin), and my dad loved Russia’s meal (Shashlik). For dessert I ordered <<D-Don’t get the wrong idea, its for ME! UK’s afternoon tea>>. What arrived was a really delicious and cute set with a scone, pudding, sides (for scone), and tea, though I don’t remember what kind of tea. We had to leave after about 2 hours, but it was more than enough time. The background played music from the new CD, and there were lots of screen caps and posters around the cafe. It was overall really fun. Before we left I stopped on the cosplay floors and the 1st floors again before going to Akihabara **See next post**

trashyanomaly  asked:

HEY YOU, CHINCHI, TANU, THERE ARE LESS THAN 20 DAYS TILL ACON AND YES YOU NEED TO FINISH YOUR COSPLAYS, BUT PLEASE FOR THE LOBE OF ASGORE GET SOME REST!!!! I do not mean this in a mean or demanding way I just am really worried about you guys because I do not want you to overwork your selves just please try to take some time off for even a little when you want to of course sorry if I being like an annoying Mom but I just really love you guys a lot cause you are amazing and talented people 💖💖💖

Originally posted by headlesssamurai

We’re good! <3

random bios s2s2s2

{ tava vendo uns vídeos e lendo umas coisas que me deixaram meia noia então decidir fazer random bios,pois é

Just like the post babys  ☆ ★ ☆   credit automatic


sendo fã de gente que não me nota

ser hétero nesse fandom virou piada

reflexão : a solidão me fez solidão 

saudades do tempo que todo mundo era hétero

que que tá acon teseno com a minha vida

prefiro os dinossauros do que vocês 

vampira gótica nas horas vagas

ninguém se importa se teu ídolo te segue de volta para de colocar isso na bio

parei de contar no 10º fandom

segundo meu mapa astral eu sou otariane 

tanta coisa pra sofrer na vida tipo por séries e vocês sofrendo por crush af 

boatos que sua boca deveria beijar a minha

alguém disse sexo ?

se ta me olhando é por que quer me chupar 

eu sou igual a sininho preciso de aplausos pra viver

queria saber ser hétero 

joga a bunda na piroca 

chegou a que só sabe ler a bio dos outros 

spoiler : você vai morrer s2s2s2

minha amiga mandou perguntar se você quer ficar comigo 

eu queria ser menos trouxa porém é mais forte do q eu

não sigo falsianes

fazendo vários nadas na minha vida

eu não preciso de você pra viver,eu apenas preciso de você pra foder

to te pegando mentalmente 

a falsiane chegou

to aqui pra causar se fosse pra ser pacifica eu tava no oceano