Is it an alien hot spot? Is it home to the underwater city of Atlantis? The birthplace of a colony of sea Draculas who feed on the blood of shipwrecked survivors? For over a century, no one was able to explain the dozens of mysterious shipwrecks and plane crashes in the fabled Bermuda Triangle, a patch of the Atlantic Ocean between Miami, Bermuda, and Puerto Rico. And in the grand spectrum of our theories about it, sea Draculas was on the more logical end.
Fear of the triangle didn’t kick into high gear until 1945, when 135 people went missing after five American bomber jets and a search-and-rescue plane went missing 141 miles east of Fort Lauderdale, Florida. We’ve been shitting our pants ever since. Throughout the 1960s and ‘70s, there were TV movies, dozens of fiction and nonfiction books, TV shows, and way too many documentaries telling the Triangle’s tale, and every one of them ended with what amounts to an admission that nobody knows how, why, or what the fuck is going on.
The Bermuda Triangle has been eerily silent in recent years, and so have we on the subject. Did the recession force the Atlanteans to move to an underwater metropolis with more job opportunity? Did the aliens fly home after hitting their abduction quota? Did the sea Draculas explode after exposure to the tropical Sun, which was only made harsher by THE HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER? OH MY GOD, I AM THE ILLUMINATI.