AND THEN THERE ARE THESE TWO ASSHOLES

MASTERLIST (updated 7/27/16)

FAKE TEXTS

the one where you two talk shit (bestfriend!calum)

the one where his gf is a gold digger (brother!luke)

the one where a laptop explodes (boyfriend!michael)

the one about lingerie (boyfriend!ashton)

the one where he’s an asshole (boyfriend!luke)

the one with yelling halsey lyrics (4/4)

the one about the billboard photoshoot (boyfriend!calum)

the one where he is an A+ boyfriend (boyfriend!ashton)

the one where he fell inlove (bestfriend!michael)

the one where he’s a bit jaelous (boyfriend!luke)

the one where you’re dating his band member (brother!ashton)

the one where his selfie is dOPE (boyfriend!luke)

the one where it is halloween (4/4)

the one where revival is out (boyfriend!calum)

the one where you dissapear for a day (boyfriend!calum)

the one with netflix and chill (boyfriend!ashton)

the one where sorry just got out (boyfriend!michael)

the one where luke aint a penguin anymore (boyfriend!luke)

the one where you are drunk (boyfriend!ashton)

the one where his hair is cute asf (friend!luke)

the one with hailey baldwin (brother!luke)

the one where you watch friends (boyfriend!ashton)

the one with his jealousy (boyfriend!calum)

the one about arzaylea part 2 (bestfriend!luke)

the one with popular song lyrics (4/4)

the one where you get lost (4/4)

the one where he doesn’t say ‘i love you’ anymore (boyfriend!luke)

the one with pregnancy cravings (fiance!luke)

the one about christmas travelling (boyfriend!michael)

the one about christmas presents (boyfriend!ashton)

the one about christmas songs (boyfriend!calum)

the one about buying presents for his siblings (boyfriend!ashton)

the one about the rolling stone interview (boyfriend!michael)

the one about the rolling stone interview (boyfriend!calum)

the one where he cheated part 2 (ex!luke and (boy)friend!calum)

the one where jailey has risen (boyfriend!ashton)

the one with love confessions part 2 (bestfriend!luke)

the one about how perfect selena gomez is (boyfriend!calum)

the one where you have celiac (boyfriend!michael)

the one about pll (boyfriend!ashton)

the one where you break your arm (boyfriend!luke)

the one about ‘if you don’t know’ (boyfriend!michael)

the one where you are an independant ass bitch (boyfriend!calum)

the one where it’s biebers birthday (cake)

the one where arzaylea blocks you (boyfriend!michael)

the one with private photoshoots (boyfriend!calum)

the one you are going to sleep (boyfriend!calum)

the one about bringing guys home part 2 (roomate!calum)

the one about finals (boyfriend!ashton)

the one about GoT finale (boyfriend!luke)

the one where it’s lukes 20th (boyfriend!luke)

the one where you don’t check who you texting (friend!luke)

BLURBS

the one with christmas breakfast (daddy!ashton)

the one about a puppy under the tree (daddy!calum)

the one about a christmas vacation (daddy!luke)

the one about the christmas morning (singledad!michael)

blurb starters

‘’Let’s just pretend. Just for tonight.’’ (ex!michael

“Why are there four dogs in our house? We don’t own four dogs. We don’t even own one.” (boyfriend!calum)

“I did not scream.” (boyfriend!ashton)

“Do you know how good you look?” (bestfreind!luke)

“You should be with me.” (bestfreind!ashton)

“Holy shit, you’re real.” (boyfriend!michael)

What did you just say?” (boyfriend!calum)

“Can we just… Pause for a second.” (boyfreind!michael)

“Why won’t you let me steal your flannels?” (boyfriend!luke)

“I never should have let you go.” (ex!ashton)

“Baby, please.” (boyfriend!calum)

FAKE TEXTS

the one where jelena had risen (bestfriend justin)

the one where he talks about kids (boyfriend justin)

  • <p><b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>What they say:</b> I'm fine<p/><b>What they really mean:</b> "Two whole months of free laundry in exchange for two weeks of being my fake boyfriend. Deal?”<p/><b></b> Keith hesitated for a moment. Was this really worth it? Hardly. Lance was an asshole, and he wasn’t sure what fake dating would entail. But, free laundry was free laundry, right?<p/><b></b> “Alright, it’s a deal.”<p/></p><p/></p>

anonymous asked:

Please do the Harry Potter adulthood thing, we want to hear your thoughts on it.

Okay so here’s the thing: most of the Harry Potter stuff I see on my dash is either

a) James Potter is an asshole and a bully/abuser (optional: as is Sirius)
b) Severus Snape is an asshole and an abuser/bully

To be clear, I am not disputing those claims. I’m just observing that they are primarily the thing that I see related to Harry Potter on my dashboard, aside from fairly-constant reblogs of, like, three different “North America Wixen Schools“ that nearly always start with insulting JK Rowling honestly y’all should’ve realized there was probably a reason she didn’t want to talk more about stuff from HP and also, where was this outrage from the assumption that all of Africa could fit in one school and etc…?

But Anyway.

Other statements I tend to see on my dash include:

1) Remus Lupin was a shit father and I lost all faith in him

2) Dumbledore is a terrible irredeemable person (optional: and never cared about anyone [thereby comparing him with Voldemort, who is supposedly incapable of caring for anyone but himself])

3) Holy Fuck The Dursleys (either defending them or being extremely pissed at them.)

etc.

Again. I’m not arguing these are true or false statements.

I’m just noticing… they’re all people we thought we knew. Ron sometimes gets this treatment as well, specifically about him being fickle and abandoning Harry on multiple occasions when he was in need. (See: The early Triwizard Tournament, the forest in Deathly Hallows, You’re Snogging My Sister, etc.)

And I think that… maybe there was also a theme in the books that, if I’m remembering right, JK Rowling stated–specifically in regards to Dumbledore–but that can be applied much more broadly to the rest of the cast.

I’m talking about, growing up and realizing people are more complex than we give them credit for.

Because all our expectations of the characters–which were set in stone about as promptly as they appeared, most of them in the very first book of the series–were completely and abruptly, even brutally flipped, by the time we reached Deathly Hallows.

Keep reading

Yknow its HILARIOUS to me that hello kitty and sonic are teaming up because like

In middle school those are thw two things i was relentlessly made fun of for liking. Like to the point where I had to move schools bc people were just such assholes about it

Idk its nice and somewhat nostalgic to see the two coming together for a suuuper cute toy line and i will absolutley buy every. Single. One.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, we are in need of two more parts for our podcast Space Log - information for which can be found here! Both parts require a relatively deep, masculine voice! If you are interested, contact us at spacelog001@gmail.com

Character info under the cut!

Keep reading

Some asshole kids just threw a 7 week old flea ridden kitten in our yard and took off. I seriously hate people sometimes. Thankfully my Mom knows someone who is willing to take the kitten. So we gave him two baths and are keeping him until tomorrow afternoon when I can drop him off at his new home.

SO MUCH SAVING.

I don’t even need Saver right now. I’m paranoid saving on my own every twelve seconds.  xD

First I’ve gotta sell all the garbage in his inventory.

Except I accidentally sold his 40m gem soooo you gotta get rid of 40m now.  xD  Poof.  Easy come, easy go.  None of this matters.  He doesn’t even exist here.

In just the space of these two pictures I think I saved twice. 

Those assholes are all in.  xD

Three more saves!

You turn a page, you save your game.

Why doesn’t this matter if I’m gearing up like it matters?  Idk.  I don’t know how IP even in a skeletal state will impact his SV game in terms of bloat.  We’ll see.  Maybe ALL of this counts.  He doesn’t need a 40m gem anyway?  xD


In other news my husband I guess isn’t gonna do that all night thing he was gonna do… soooo whenever he’s done guess where I’m going?  xD

Vault Tec Workshop For Me So Far...

Building an entire vault is a fucking daunting process. I spent the morning building the atrium and the overseers quarters (round window looking over the atrium and all). Only annoying thing with the DLC thus far is that the new lights they’ve added don’t place well on the ceilings (kind of float a a bit under without touching and is kind of noticeable). Also about 85% of the DLC’s building contents were already available via the Homemaker mod. Those two things aside it’s still gonna be damn fun and I look forward to being the biggest asshole experimenter around.

Spoiler Alert if you wanna discover the experiments for yourself:
The Four Experiments Are:
Power Bike
Soda Machine
Optometrist Tool
Slot Machine

Each experiment has three parameters you choose from, from having the bike dose your dwellers with Buffout to force an odd addiction to using the bike to having the optometrist tool read your dweller’s minds.

Let’s Burn to the Ground - Ch. 9 Twins AU

Summary:  Rey’s pretty sure she’s in love with Ben Solo, and has been for the past few months, but his asshole of a twin Kylo is a whole other issue and a half. When a case of mistaken identity leads to Rey falling into bed with him, however, she finds herself in a hell of a situation that she’s 99.9% positive can’t end well.

Rating: E

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine

i am perfectly willing and able to be friends/be nice to davekat shippers, the only problem is they’re always assholes to me

i live by the phrase: hate the ship, not the shippers

but i have only ever met like, two davekat shippers who were nice to me. my experiences with the rest (a whole fucking lot) have all been unpleasant and have only served to trigger my anxiety and anger issues

anonymous asked:

hi! can you please explain to me the past and present stuff with Andrea and Kian, all i know is that they dated and he was an asshole to her after - I wish he wasn't.

Honestly I think both of them had their faults in their relationship which is why they broke up but with the stuff recently….. apparently Kian invited some girl from instagram to come to their hotel while at one of the places on their tour and I think Andrea found out about it (but i’m not 100% sure) but either way Andrea posted a snap chat of Trevor sleeping on her shoulder and Kian then posted that photo on instagram of the two of them cuddling.

            Okay, so let me get this straight- you think it’s okay to BLAME Zim for the fact that he caught some creep’s eye? This baffles me honestly. You’re disgusting.I don’t see you shaming that Able guy, or whatever his name is, for even having the NERVE to over-step Zim’s boundaries like that. Those photos were never meant for public viewing to begin with.

         On top of that, don’t go around calling aliens jailbait. You can’t just apply a human mindset to Zim’s biology and physiological appearance. It’s not the same. Don’t make that mistake, you ignorant asshole. Being around humanity has already made Zim terribly insecure, don’t take away what little pride he has left.

I won’t let you do that. 

          You’re probably getting off on this? Aren’t you, you sick fuck. If you were truly concerned, you wouldn’t call Zim derogatory terms like jailbait. And from what I can tell, you couldn’t give two shits about his well-being, seeing how you’re treating my boyfriend quite objectively. You never once considered how he feels on the matter; only your own perverted interpretation.

Stay the away from him. @evilgsanchez

noctrnalight  asked:

yender asks: honey, cedar, heart, anomaly

Honey - Do you have a nickname?

yes- some people call me kindle or kk, but not usually. sometimes asshole.

Cedar - What is your favorite season?

already answered!

Heart - Are you in love?

nope

Anomaly - What do you find unique about yourself?

oh jesus..,,.,., um probably that i can play more than two instruments (not very well, though)

thanks for asking!!

Since when has ships not being or becoming canon caused people to abandon ship and leave fandoms?

Let me tell you something, my notp in one of my old fandoms became canon and I was disappointed but not because my ship didn’t happen (I wasn’t really expecting it to) but because the pairing that got together in a rushed last minute manner, made absolute 0 sense and destroyed 698 chapters of character development (it still angers me to this day).

Anyway, the shippers who got their canon were all in your face, bragging and acting like assholes tbh and then … AND THEN the creators made an audio novel and the two males looked identical to my ship AND their voice actors were the same.

My point is, the ‘anti’s’ expected us to leave and a few did but the majority stuck around and ship as hard and as passionately as they ever did. I left later on due to more bullshit character destroying but hey ho.

All that being said, johnlock is canon so 🤗