AND THEN THAT MOTHERFUCKER COMES AND SAYS THAT

Motherfucker based off of Libra, of the zodiac. He comes from the (hella)mental plane of Socal. When people say “Oh, you mean southern California” he says “no” and stares at them until they leave.

His name is Jamal Boree. He goes by Jam.

this one time when i went to see sws i was stood there chewing gum and my friend asked me for some and i gave her a weird look as if to say ‘are u sure’ and she was like yeah so i took the gum out my mouth to give to her and she was like ‘what the actual fuck lydia’ and i was confused for ages until i realised she wanted a fresh piece that hadn’t come from my mouth

moral is i’m the dumbest motherfucker 

anonymous asked:

what makes you qualified to talk about fat shaming? why should we want to hear your opinion anyway?

….

are you FUCKING K I D D I N G  M E

can I live? Every time I say something one of you fucking people comes up in here and tries to challenge me

"what makes you qualified" motherfucker I started losing weight 6 years ago at 497 pounds and yesterday I clocked in at 220. I’ve lost more than you’ve probably ever weighed.

Get the fuck out of my face.

I really loved this episode. 

  • It didn’t feel contrived or forced. It all seemed to come together pretty well. 
  • CAIN WAS THE MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. 
  • Dean let himself be vulnerable with Sam like… a few times?? And that NEVER HAPPENS SO OMG?????
  • Sam wasn’t the focus but he WAS important and he did things and contributed to the plot and the action of the show consistently. 
  • CAIN PRETTY MUCH SPELLED OUT HOW IMPORTANT SAM IS TO DEAN AND THAT WAS NICE
  • Cain also said “It’s called the Mark of Cain for a reason” and I laughed because I swear to GOD we’ve all been saying that for 7 years probably.
  • Cain’s hair and beard tbqh
  • Rowena 
  • I actually felt… anxiety and … like… REAL??? EMOTIONS????
  • Dean fell directly into Sam’s arms after fighting Cain like he was a sad little baby and he needed to be held , call me a sucker but … UGH. He found out his worst nightmare and sought out comfort with his brother and was too destroyed to pretend he didn’t need Sam to pick him up and hold him in his arms I JUST????
  •  Sam SAM SMASd fkajsd ;lfja
  • Sam caring about the 12yo
  • Sam worrying about Dean
  • Sam putting on a strong face to encourage Dean even though he was devastated inside
  • Sam being intuitive about his brother to the degree of knowing how deeply Dean is jacked up even though he’s pretending he’s not just…
  • THIS EP WAS GOOD I LIKED IT

I know there has to be other things about it I liked and I forgot but wow. I liked it. Like quakerhobbit said, I wish THAT had been the midseason finale

DAMn

highlights of ddnyc2015
  • the woman selling the book to me had rad pink hair and was embarrassed to be selling the book to me…. we bonded over that 
  • david attempting to explain his book to an incredulous audience of mostly middle aged fans - and spouting the same story as he has on all the talk shows
  • putting on DAD GLASSES TO READ FROM HIS BOOK
  • trying to make jokes to a mostly deadpan audience (i laughed. i love my old man dad) 
  • a wonderful follower of mine (please remind me of your URL, i forgot!!) asking him a standard question about the illustrations…. and david dropping the ball and completely forgetting the name of the illustrator “the name is russian i think”
  • saying that he thought hank moody would punch him in the dick for being an actor and writing a book
  • completely sidetracking my attempt to drag him and talking about bull balls
  • he called bree motherfucking sharp on the way home from her work and asked her to come in to play
  • the mom in front of us asking what year the bree sharp song came out
  • BREE MOTHERFUCKING SHARP PLAYING DAVID DUCHOVNY WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME WHILE DAVID LOOKS ON AND SMILES 
  • david recognizing me from my question…. but when i told him we were excited for his album he looked like he thought i was kidding and just said “…..oh okay!” :/

anonymous asked:

LITERALLY WIFE ME. Yo I'm so attracted to you like whaaaaat sorry this is a lot of shit at once but like fuck you're the coolest fucking dude EVER. I read your posts and your responses and I see your selfies and shit you're the coolest motherfucker I've ever come across on the Internet. Honestly, just like, the way you think, turns me the fuck on. I'm sorry I feel weird and annoying saying shit like this but FUCK I want to marry you so bad. Or party. Yeah we could party. Let's party.

I like to imagine this ask as like just a stranger bursting into the room and screaming “LITERALLY WIFE ME” at me and then like a two minute awkward pause.

I really can’t stand people that complain about office jobs where they can just sit all day and get paid lunches and enough of a salary to life off of, like you selfish fucking asshole, try standing for 9 hours with an unpaid lunch (when they tell you, oh and you have to come back when they tell you) and put together fixtures and process through boxes all day and deal with half your customers not even speaking the same language as you so that you look like a bad employee when you don’t help them in the exact right way and then at the end of the week not get enough pay to even cover rent.

Also fuck anyone that says “well you should have gone to college,” motherfucker I went to college and now I have a useless piece of paper and tens of thousands of dollars of debt.

anonymous asked:

I used to like how Daryl was treated like crap back in the early seasons of the show. As the show progressed I was surprised by the show's efforts to continue to make him miserable so I really thought Beth would be a game changer for him (with losing Hershel and the prison being his lowest point). Now after Coda, it's no longer entertaining, it's annoying and it has killed my enjoyment of Daryl. I can't even care what happens to him anymore.

BLASPHEMY. Off with your motherfucking head. You would say THIS to ME?! Currently tracking your location down to your exact address so I know where to go when I make my citizen’s arrest for treason, you sorry son of a bitch. 

Ok not really, but I cannot believe you have the cajones to come up in my inbox and say you don’t care what happens to Daryl. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM? I am so disappointed. I love Beth ok, but above all, Daryl. I will defend this character to my dying breath because it’s MY character. IT’S ME. Understand that. All of the characters on the show right now are miserable. ALL OF THEM. It’s not just Daryl. At this point in the story, they’re supposed to be this low. They have to be at their lowest so that what happens next will be meaningful. Did you think the apocalypse was going to have happy endings? Even if he did get happiness and something to feel good about, it’ll always be temporary. For all of them. And whatever they get, Daryl included, they’ll have to fight and claw and go through hell just to keep it. Because of the world they live in. You can feel however you like. I’m not saying you can’t. And i’m not saying the show is perfect. There are times when I wanna kill it with fire. But when I went into this, I knew there was going to be a lot of death and despair throughout. I never expected anything more than that. But I got more than that and that is its maximum potential. It won’t always succeed in being maximum level though and I knew that too. It didn’t make me any less pissed off about what happened, but it allows me to continue being involved with the show. Because I still love the characters, especially Daryl. And I do care what happens to him. Because nobody else seems to.

Voglio raccontarvi del mio innamoramento di oggi.
Credo sia uno di quelli duraturi per la modalità e il motivo del mio coinvolgimento.
Stipati come mucche pronte per essere macellate ci siamo ritrovati tutti schiacciati in aula.
Senza speranza, con il pessimismo universale che caratterizza i miei pensieri, sulla via della morte per asfissia ho notato lui.
Un po’ tamarro (Non so che problemi io abbia a riguardo), mangiava una mela e commentava la lezione.
Improvvisamente dice “”What” ain’t no country I’ve ever heard of. They speak English in What?”. Mi si accende la lampadina.
English, motherfucker, do you speak it? ” cominciano a luccicarmi gli occhi.
Say ‘what’ again. Say ‘what’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time! ” Qui il mio cuore è imploso e l’amore è sbocciato.
'Nzomma.
A qualcun altro devo pur pensare. 

In order to ship Bamon I have to hold my nose.

we give Damon Salvatore all the props and this fool sitting right up in the church beside the bitch he wants to be with. episode 614 has come and gone and no thoughts are given for Bonnie, not from Damon or anyone else in her camp. I get why caroline can’t, her mom just died,that is huge, but for the others, hell naw. it just sickens me to see stills from this show because Bonnie is alone. the writers don’t care about her, but they want her to literally give damon props. for what exactly??? what is that motherfucker doing or saying that would warrant Bonnie wanting him or any of her racist ass friends to be in her life much less in her fucking presence? And I am positive bonnie won’t be written to tell these motherfuckers off, so the bonnie bennett fans can at least have some vindication. I need some help and anger management to deal with this show that I cannot seem to purge from my life and heart. Damon needs to earn all this beautiful black woman’s love and friendship.

anonymous asked:

Is it bad that I may have slept with a married man? He told me he was single and we met up and did the deed lol and three days afterwards I heard from some coworkers that he was married... I feel kinda bad but at the same time... It was amazing sex.

The first time you didn’t know, so you can chalk that one up to ignorance. However if you do it again, you’d definitely have to question your morality or lack thereof. I have no judgements, but I will say what goes around comes around. You never know, the person you marry might do the same. Karma is a cold hearted motherfucker. 

When you completely leave behind a previous version of yourself like a fucking exoskeleton in order to reach your goals that's when you want it bad enough.

Understand?

FUCK BALANCE. The more all-or-nothing I am, the more concentrated & balls-to-the-wall my efforts are, with NONE of the shit that I may WANT but that doesn’t contribute to my goals, the better I feel, the more peaceful I am on the inside, the more satisfied I am, because I know I’m doing everything I can, that makes me happier than ANY balance or “MODERATION” ever could & it’s the only thing that even begins to silence the demons.

There was a time I simply didn’t want it bad enough yet where I still attached myself to things I wanted in the moment like certain foods or a training break on a shitty day. But I left that human version of myself behind because it no longer served me.

I love all the food that is terrible for physical goals more than anyone, & I love not moving more than anyone, I do not enjoy exercise. But it doesn’t fucking MATTER. I also want my goals more than anyone, more than I love any food & more than I hate pain. All that other bullshit literally just does not fucking matter, I don’t fucking care about it. I don’t care.

So depending on where you currently are in your existence I may be the best or the worst person to ask for advice on this because I’m just going to say the same thing: when you want it bad enough you will do it. If you still need advice on how to stay dedicated you don’t want it bad enough yet. It HAS to come organically from inside of you, you cannot make it.

Idk. I was just skimming a ‘tips to stay motivated’ article out of a bb.com email & realized how much things like this literally just don’t apply to me ever & my mind got real expressive.

Discipline comes easy when what you want most comes hard as fucking hell.

Horn Ache (GHBXReader)

You weren’t sure entirely how long you were looking at him scratching and hitting the larger portion of his horns on the wooden cupboards, the door frame, or the cabinet but he either hadn’t seen you yet or was too preoccupied to say anything. Whatever he was doing didn’t seem to be giving him the desired effect and instead seemed to be getting him more pissed.

“What’cha doin’?” You asked in an almost smart-ass way. The low growl coming from his throat caught you a little off guard, but ended almost the instant his eyes fell on you—the red fading quickly. He grinded his sharpened teeth on each other only briefly before speaking.

“They motherfucking… hurt.” He couldn’t even get through the whole sentence before grinding them on the stone counter. “They got their wicked ache on improper up in that motherfucking core.”

~Keep reading~ Warnings: GhbXreader, inter-species relations, unrequited pale waxing red, smut, horn headcanons. 

Just Try It. Chapter 1

A/N - Sooo. First fic ever lol. Im excited and nervous, just letting you guys know its a slow build so bear with me. Hope you enjoy it, if not whatever lol.

“Come” he said while holding his hand out to me.

Oh no, oh no. Why am i hesitating?! Laurent motherfucking Bourgeois is asking me to come with him and im staring at him like a fucking idiot. What did i do or say to cause him to want me? I think back …

“I want you to pick a person behind me and watch only them. Make them feel through you dancing. Go”

Alright i can do that. Often by The Weeknd starts playing and I do the choreo as best i can while trying to focus on someone but being in the back is making it hard, everyone is focusing on the people in front. The music cuts off, and i stop moving wondering what the problem is.

“No! You not look at them, you look at you feet. Look at me and me only. Make me feel”

The music starts again and im thankful for my spot in the back. Theres no way i can look into his eyes and dance, hes to intimidating. I focus on the steps and we all finish the choreo, and finally he says its the second groups turn. Thank god, this is stressful. I trip over someones foot trying to get to the other side of the room, causing me to look at the floor. I look up quickly to see how much farther i have to go and holy shit hes right in front of me. His back is facing me and hes backing up, shit what do i do? I froze and put my hands up to stop him from knocking me over. He quickly turns around when my hands touch him and says “ Why you not look at me? Why so shy?” and before i could stop myself the attitude took over. I arch my eyebrow at him, “Do you know how intimidating you are? Id rather enjoy dancing and get the choreo right then embarrass myself looking into those eyes of yours.” I can see the surprise in his eyes which causes me to smile, and i continue to make my way to the other side of the room.

A push at my back quickly snaps me back into reality as the mob of fans caught up to us. Even with his name being screamed his eyes stayed on me and his hand extended. What the hell, I took his hand.

Quicker than i had prepared myself for, he pulled me close to him and we began to walk away from his fans. Any thought process i began having is now gone, he is just to close. Damnit, didnt my mom teach me to watch out for strangers? And now here i am with a man i dont even know, but when am i going to get an oppurtunity like this again? Get it together Monica, this is what you wanted right? But where is he taking me, I dont know this hotel at all.

He leads me away from the elevators and makes a quick left into sketchy looking hallway. He walks down the hallway with me in tow and i come to the realization that we might have to take the stairs, oh hell no.

“Where are you taking me?” I ask him. “Trust me” he says, I pull my hand out of his and look at him questioningly.

“But like are we going to another floor, I mean your cute and all but i am NOT taking the stairs” I state matter of factly.

“You serious?” He asks. “Hell yeah im serious, who the fuck takes the stairs when there are elevators. Plus i dont even know where your taking me, like what if its on the 12 th floor or something, i already went to the gym earlier and its going to take alot of convincing from you to ma-” I lost my train of thought as he starts laughing at me, what a beautiful sound. I glare at him until i notice tears in the corners of his eyes and cant help but smile at him. “Whats so funny?!” I ask him.

“You. You funny.” He manages to say through his laughter. “Good to know. But are we taking the stairs?”

He grabs me by the shoulders and pulls me in close, he has to bend down so we can be eye to eye. “Whats you name?” He asks gently. “Mo- Monica” I manage to whisper. “Trust me Monica” he says quietly. “Okay” I whisper.

He grabs my hand again and continues walking down the hallway. He makes a couple more quick turns, causing me to wonder how he even knows where hes going. And then we come to a dead end with, thank the lord jesus, an elevator. I sigh as he presses the up button and catch his laughter at my relief, I glare at him which causes him to laugh harder. Son of a bitch, if he wasnt so god damn tall we would fight right now. The elevator doors finally open and he pulls me inside with him. I watch him press the button for floor 12 and i cant help but laugh, I was right.

Almost instantly, you can feel a change in the small space of the elevator. What i wouldnt give to wrap myself around him right now. I peek at him and notice he is breathing harder and clenching his jaw, I wonder if he feels it to. Who am i kidding, this man has fucked tons of girls and probably wants to add me to his list of conquests. I knew what i was getting myself into when i took his hand, and if i have anything to say about it this will be the best sex of his life.