AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS THE MOST TO ME I GUESS

HOW MUCH LONGER? pt 3 - Jason McCann

Check out part 1 and  part 2  by clicking here!

Part 4 will be up soon, along with another imagine!

Originally posted by emmasopheah


For what felt like the hundredth time tonight, my position in my bed shifted from my right side to my back as an agitated sigh escaped my lips. I hadn’t had a restless night in years, and tonight just seemed to have broken the streak, only difference was, this time, I had a reason for the disturbance of my sleep.

It’s been a week since Jason moved into my gang house and ever since he arrived, he seems to be the only thing on my mind. Clouding up my space to think logically and making it harder for me to keep my gang safe. Its dangerous honestly. If we got attacked, I wouldn’t be on my feet, not as alert as I usually am.

But tonight just crossed the line. Tonight, my mind was running marathons because of my thoughts and it was all his fault. Not just because I knew he was here, but I could also hear it, and not in a very pleasant way. The moaning coming from the room across the hall was beginning to make me so aggravated that I was honestly ready to stomp inside waving a gun around just to make them shut up so I can use whatever time left of the night to get some sleep.

Okay, and maybe I was a little jealous, but lets not get into that.

Just knowing that Jason - my ex boyfriend and the man I am still in love with - was in the room across from me, fucking his current girlfriend senseless was killing me. Especially when I realised that, that could of been me, if I had just stayed when he needed me instead of walking out, that would be me in there with him. Pleasing me, making me feel loved, and like I was the most perfect girl ever to be created. 

Because thats what Jason McCann can do, he can not only be powerful himself, but he can make you feel powerful. And I guess thats what made us so compatible, we both loved the powerful feeling each other gave off. 

But no matter how much I wish and dream - the reality is that I did walk out that night, and although I’m not one to believe heavily in God, I can’t help but feel this was my punishment for walking out that night. Having to sit here - in the comfort of my own house, listening to the love of my life pleasure another woman. A slut to be exact. A slut that he was in a relationship with.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe that he was in love with her, there was no way. His eyes didn’t have that glint, that glint he used to have when he looked at me. That glint that no longer exists. Instead, he looks at her more as if she was a peice of meat rather then a girlfriend, and is it bad to say that relieves me? But it might just be in my head. Maybe he does really love her and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to face the fact that he’s moved on and I haven’t.

Maybe. 

But that’s the thing. Life is a big fat ‘MAYBE.’ There is no yes, or no in life. There is no guarantee. Everything is just Maybe. Maybe this was how its supposed to end, with no one receiving what they wanted, everyone just feeling shit and unhappy in the end, or maybe things will turn for the batter and a miracle might happen.

but the chance of a miracle is near impossible, so I should probably begin readying myself for a depressing ending now.

Without even realising it, I had slowly began drifting off to sleep. And without hesitation, I allowed the blessing of sleep to finally take me in its arms until tomorrow, leaving the daunting thoughts for another day.




Bitter, the perfect way to describe my mood. And what better way to express that with a cup of straight, black coffee. Placing the kettle of caffeine back onto the machine after pouring a full cup, it was a slight surprise to hear a door opening and shutting upstairs. 

Who the hell is up at this hour? Only a gang leader would wake up before Dawn. And then it hit me, how could I forget? Jason is living here now.

Soft footsteps ceased to make there way downstairs, all before his perfect body slipped past the kitchen doorway, revealing his inked chest, shirtless. His eyes darted up in surprise at seeing me standing there, before his guard fell and he shook his head. 

“I always forget your up at this time as well.” 

I shook my head, running a hand through my slight bed hair. “Same here.” 

Without thinking, I stepped back and picked up the kettle, turning around to pour it into a coffee cup Jason held out for me. It was a habit, something we did when we were together. He would get a cup while I poured him coffee, it was so random but something we just always did. 

“Got any meetings today?” Jason mumbled, sipping on the same black coffee I drank. In fact, he was the one who got me hooked on the bitter drink. 

Although we both act like mean, careless criminals, we always felt like we could just drop the act around each other, no matter what happened in our pasts.

“Just one. An old Ally wants some land, gotta put the fucker in his place.”

He smirked, side glancing me from the cup he was sipping on before slowly removing the mug from his lips, swallowing the beverage with a loud gulp.

“You hungry?” I suddenly asked. 

His eyes flickered from the floor to my face, his expression blank and hard to read. 

“I’ll make pancakes if you want?” I added.

Slowly, his eyes squinted to slits as he eyes me. “Why?” 

“What do you mean ‘why’? Because I feel like pancakes and I thought I’d be nice and offer you some as well.” As I spoke, I began walking around the kitchen, picking out ingredients for the pancakes.

“Is there a problem with that?” 

“I mean, no its just-….” He trailed off, eyes wandering around the room.

“Just what? We’re not together anymore?” I scoffed. When he didn’t reply, I knew that was the answer. “Don’t be so up yourself Jason, I offered you pancakes not asked for your hand in marriage. I’ve moved on from you. Just because where Ex’s doesn’t mean I can’t be nice. I mean, where living with each other for god sakes, might as well make the most of it.”

It wasn’t an entire lie. I did want to make the most of it. I just….haven’t exactly moved on.

From the look in Jason’s eyes you could tell he was putting some effortless thought into what I had just said until his face fell flat once again, then slowly slid into a smirk. “In that case, I like Syrup on my pancakes.”




“Ah! Mr Brown, nice of you to finally join me!” I shouted in fake enthusiasm, glancing at the rolex watch on my wrist. “And your only an hour and a half late this time! This must be your new record.”

Brown smirked, placing himself in the leather chair opposing my desk, his men stepping behind him. “I tried to make it on time this time.” 

“No you didn’t.” I smiled, but there was no humour in my tone. “Everyone know’s your attempt of being fashionably late never works Axel. Stop trying.”

His smirk dropped, face turning red after being caught. “Now lets get to business. you want land? Well the only land you’ll be receiving from me is my foot, when it lands on your ass.”

“Mrs L/N, If I must remind you, you still owe me for the first drug deal you made. Remember that? When you were nearly shot. Who saved your life then?” He smirked. 

But I had the upper hand, I always did. They don’t call me most wanted for nothing! “Your right, I do owe you. Actually, I did owe you, not anymore.”

“My first drug deal was nearly 6 years ago, and If I recall, I repayed you many, many times.” i smiled. “Let’s start with when I saved you from Larson, and killed Harold for you. When you hired me to kill Michael, or what about the time I loaned you 50 grand for drug money? And lets not forget the time I -”

“Okay I get it!” Brown yelled, sighing agitatedly. 

“Good, so now that we’re both on the same page, I think it’s time you repaid your debt to me.” 

He visibly gulped. “And what would that be?”

“Well, I’m in need of a little upgrading. Not only do I have my whole gang in here but now an Alliance’s gang and I need some space.”

“So what’s it you want? You wanna send some gang members over to mine?” 

“Oh jesus no!” I laughed. “’I would never torture my gang members like that. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind a good torturing but only to the people who deserve it. What I want is your gang house.”

“What?!”

“You heard me. And If you didn’t get the hint, I just warned you - actually more threatened you. Get the fuck out of this state. You - and your gang.”

“But-”

I was quick to interrupt “Get out of north America, and If I see your face here again, its not gonna be pretty. Do you hear me?!” 

I was standing at this point, steam almost pouring out of my ears as I raged in fury.

“Y/N-”

“You don’t think I know you’ve been stealing from my warehouses?! Nothing goes unnoticed by me.” I gritted. “Now I’m giving you a chance to run because really, I should just shoot you, right here right now. Now either leave my office, and don’t come back, or make sure you double up on men and always look behind you, cause soon, your gonna have a bullet implanted right in that thick head of yours.”

Brown’s face was shocked, nervous and twisted in fear. Without another word, he nodded his head frantically trying to make hsi way out of the room. “Nice doing buisness with you!” i yelled as he made quick to scramble out of the room. 

Just as Brown left, Jason strolled slowly over to the door frame, leaning against the wooden post. “So…how was your deal?” 

“Great. Now that that part is over with, I’ll just get a few of my men to sneak back to his warehouse and eliminate him by tomorrow morning.”

“I thought you were letting him go.” He chuckled. 

“Nah, I just said that so he won’t suspect it. Hes less likely to put up a fight if he doesn’t see it coming.”

“Those words sound oddly familiar.” Jason sarcastically smirked. 

“They should, you taught me them.” I stated. 

“I know.” And like that, he turned on his heels to begin walking down the hall.

“Actually McCann!” 

“What?” He spat.

“Tonight, how about keeping it down. Your side hoe moans like a cow, its quite disturbing.”

Jason turned, a smirk on his face. “Why? You jealous your not getting any?”

“Hah! You wish. It’s just some people don’t enjoy falling asleep to the sound of a dying goat.” 

“You know, you gotta lotta hate towards my girlfriend. You sure that’s not personal?” He smirked. 

“Please McCann don’t flatter yourself.” I scoffed. “Just keep the fucking noise down tonight. Or rather, just leave it all together. Don’t you have any self respect?” 

“I do.” He smirked. “But my hand got kinda boring.” The smirk only grew as my face fell in discuss. A wink was sent my way before he quickly descended down the hall, leaving me weak at my knees from the wink that was only meant to piss me off.

Thanksgiving with BTS

nj: hey seokjin im here and I brought the kids like u asked

sj: oh good I’m still cooking but u can all sit down

jh: who’s bringing the turkey again??

sg: jimin’s dad is bringing it when he drops him off. dumbass how’d u forget ?

jh: hey maybe he can bring u a personality too since u dont have one! :)

sj: y'all don’t start I’m not in the mood my pie is giving me hell

jk: maybe that’s a sign u shouldn’t be making one??

sj: maybe the fact that ur still in high school after 5 yrs is a sign u should just drop out but that doesn’t stop u for going in for ur 6th :))

nj: lol why do u even keep trying

jk: idk maybe the same reason why ur still trying to release a second mix tape even tho it’ll never beat yoongi’s

th: omg???

jm: hey guys my dad and I are here and we brought the turkey

sg: ur just in time jungkook was just telling namjoon that he’s a failure and that I’m the best rapper in bts

jh: lol ok and I’m mariah carey

sg: that explains how high ur voice gets when u see a roach

jh: it’s a phOBIA ITS NOT FUNN Y

jm: guys my dad’s here be respectful???

th: oh sorry hey jimin’s dad u raised a very swell little dude

th: he hugs me when I’m sad even when it was because he and jungkook took all the lines in lost and left me with like 2

jm: I told u I was sorry???

th: but u always go and do it again??

jm: it’s not my fault I have a more superior voice??

jk: lol superior where u sound like a freshly neutered dog having sex with an owl

jm: dont fucking come @ me like that u fucking lopsided coconut head ass

jk: I DONT GET TO PICK MY HAIR STYLE FOR THE COMEBACKS

jm: bUT U DONT HAVE TO LET THEM FUCK UR SHIT UP EVERY ERA

sj: IF YALL DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP WE HAVE FUCKING COMPANY U DISRESPECTFUL DISAPPOINTING SUBJECTS OF WASTED YOUTH

bts:

sj: jesus fucking christ the jungle can’t come sooner

nj: guys sit down before he tries to feed us to his mario collection again

jh: this is great all of us together sharing a wonderful meal and being successful

jm: hey daddy can u pass me the salt

yoongi and jimin’s dad both reach out:

jm:

jimin’s dad:

sg:

sg: can u let go now he asked me for the salt

jm: yoongi?? shut?? the?? fuck?? up??

jk: lol this is awkward

nj: so is the fact that u have no top lip

th: hey leave him alone it’s not his fault he was born lipless

jk: ur literally not helping

th: I’m doing as much as I can, I can’t juggle singing, acting, defending u, AND work on my verse for cypher pt5- that has so far exactly 27 lines and 3 different ‘sick beats’ to add both diversity and color to an otherwise bland track known as “every cypher without kim taehyung”

th: not to shade or anything.

nj: yea ur not getting on cypher pt5

th: why not I’ve been working so hard on my verse!!

nj: u can’t even rap??

sj: namjoon u can’t even remember to pull out so leave the poor boy alone and eat ur greens

nj: that’s was one time??

jh: then why do we have 3 kids here??

jm: IM NOT HIS KID MY DADS RIGHT HERE STOP SAYING THAT

sg: whoa babe it’s okay calm down I’m alright

jm: I was talking about my real dad plS SHUT THE FUCK UP MY DAD DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MY SEX LIFE

jk: too late lol

jm: oh is it too late for u to graduate too

jk: TRY ME SHORTY

jm: UR ON BUGS BUNNY

sj: iF U FUCK UP THIS DINNER TABLE AFTER I SLAVED AWAY IN THE KITCHEN FOR HOURS ILL FUCKING KICK U BOTH IN THE DICK

sj: NOw I want to go around the table and say what we’re most thankful for

sj: namjoon u start

nj: I’m most thankful for our precious army’s that go above and beyond for us all the time we love them so much and appreciate all the army’s all over the world and thank you all so much and thank you-

sj:

sj: kay that’s creepy yoongi u go next

sg: I was gonna say I’m most thankful for my fire mixtape but then I realized that I brought that to myself so I only really have myself to thank so thanks min yoongi u the true og

jh: ok that was tragic so I’ll go now

jh: I’m thankful for the sun that rises each morning-

sj: aw that’s nice

jh: -because it just goes to show that I shine brighter and there’s really no one who is better or brighter than me but the fact that the sun tries so hard is so cute and uplifting it feels great to squash it each morning :))

sj:

sj: taehyung how about u

th: I’m most thankful to the toilets because without them this world would be a really stinky and dirty place and people would have to poop in buckets or the woods and that’s nasty cos bears poop there so if we poop in the woods where do bears poop?? in our homes that’s where cos then they want revenge and-

sj: ur a disappointment I hope u know that

sj: jimin?

jm: I’m thankful for my daddy who always treats me right and loves me no matter what right dad?

yoongi and jimin’s dad: that’s right

sg: seriously why do u keep doing this

jm: I fucking hAtE mY Lif E

jk: guess it’s my turn

jk: I’m most thankful for this turkey for not being as dry as seokjin’s humor or jimin’s hair. thank u.

sj: that’s it I’m going to the jungle early I hope u all choke on ur dinner

Wait, 700 followers?! Celebration time!
  • (Open on Jaune and Pyrrha standing on the balcony while the Beacon Ball is in full swing)
  • Pyrrha: Jaune, I can't believe you actually wore a dress to this dance!
  • Jaune: Well, I realized how stupid I was for assuming you would have a date, and I didn't want you to feel lonely.
  • Pyrrha: Alright, that's incredibly sweet, but it doesn't explain the dress.
  • Jaune: I said I'd wear one under these circumstances. I promised you that while we were training on the roof, and I wanted to symbolize that special time we have in a way you will remember. And, they were renting out white dresses by the door in case any girls didn't have one.
  • Pyrrha: You are being incredibly poetic tonight. Did someone hit you on the head? Because I assure you, I can still kick their butt in this dress.
  • Jaune: No no, I'm just finally getting some perspective now that all THAT is happening.
  • Jaune: *he gestures back inside to Weiss and Ruby awkwardly dancing together, seemingly enjoying themselves either way*
  • Jaune: *chuckles* I guess asking Neptune was a last ditch cling to hetero-normality. Now she's embraced her truest loving self. They look good together.
  • Pyrrha: ... and that perspective has shown you What, exactly?
  • Jaune: How amazing you are, how beautiful you look no matter what it is you're doing. How stupid I was to ignore all that.
  • Pyrrha: ... you're being wax-poetic like I have never seen. Are you sure everything's alright?
  • Jaune: Oh, no, I saw Emerald spike the punch. I'm most likely intoxicated. But I think that's only helped me truly clear my head about the two of us. What we are. What we should be.
  • Pyrrha: ...Oh my Oum, are you saying what I think you are?
  • Jaune: I really really like you. More than I think I ever liked Weiss. And I'm pretty sure you might like me too.
  • Pyrrha: *blushing, looking away* You aren't thinking clearly, you don't really mean that. We should... MMMPH!!!
  • Jaune: *has grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her in for a kiss*
  • Pyrrha: *eyes are wide in surprise, almost immediately relaxes and gets into the kiss, putting her arms around Jaune's waist, deepening the contact between them*
  • Jaune: *breaks off the kiss* does that feel like I don't mean it?
  • Pyrrha: N-no. I lo... I like you too.
  • Jaune: Do you... want to make this a thing? Us I mean?
  • Pyrrha: Uh-huh. I wanna be your girlfriend.
  • (They continue to just stand there, arm in arm for a little while.)
  • Tobias: So it is down to you, and it is down to me.
  • [Gumball (disguised) moves closer]
  • Tobias: [holding a knife to Penny’s throat] If you wish her dead, by all means, keep moving forward.
  • Gumball: Let me explain--
  • Tobias: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen.
  • Gumball: Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?
  • Tobias: There will be no arrangement, [holding the knife closer] and you're killing her.
  • Gumball: But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
  • Tobias: I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
  • Gumball: You're that smart?
  • Tobias: Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
  • Gumball: Yes.
  • Tobias: Morons.
  • Gumball: Really. [pause] In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
  • Tobias: For the princess?
  • [Gumball nods]
  • Tobias: To the death?
  • [Gumball nods]
  • Tobias: I accept.
  • Gumball: Good. Then pour the wine.
  • [As Tobias pours the wine, Gumball pulls out a small vial, and uncorks it]
  • Gumball: Inhale this, but do not touch.
  • Tobias: [sniffing the vial] I smell nothing.
  • Gumball: What you do not smell is called Iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man.
  • Tobias: Hmm.
  • [Gumball turns away from Tobias with the goblets, and pours the poison in. Goblets replaced on the table, one in front of each.]
  • Gumball: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right...and who is dead.
  • Tobias: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
  • Gumball: You've made your decision then?
  • Tobias: Not remotely. Because Iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
  • Gumball: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
  • Tobias: WAIT TILL I GET GOING! Where was I?
  • Gumball: Australia.
  • Tobias: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
  • Gumball: You're just stalling now.
  • Tobias: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
  • Gumball: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
  • Tobias: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!
  • Gumball: Then make your choice.
  • Tobias: I will, and I choose— [pointing behind Gumball] What in the world can that be?
  • Gumball: [looking behind him] What? Where?
  • [Tobias switches the cups]
  • Gumball: I don't see anything.
  • Tobias: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [starts chuckling]
  • Gumball: What's so funny?
  • Tobias: I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
  • [they both drink]
  • Gumball: You guessed wrong.
  • Tobias: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!! [starts laughing and then falls dead]
  • [Gumball starts untying Penny]
  • Penny: Who are you?
  • Gumball: I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you ever need know.
  • Penny: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
  • Gumball: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Iocane powder.

Rules: Always post the rules, answer the eleven questions, then make up eleven more and tag eleven people.

Was tagged by @majxra ~<3 Thanks, I love these, and quizzes in general!


1. What is the most important thing to you? This one’s easy, family and friends, nothing else really truly matters besides them.

2. Which language would you like to be able to speak? Working on italian currently, anyone want to tutor me? ;)

3. Your current favorite song? You’re making me high - Toni Braxton

4. How long do you want to live? Long enough to feel satisfied with what I’ve had and experienced, and I’m already quite satisfied, but don’t take that as a death wish haha

5. To which song do you always sing at the top of your lungs? This honestly applies to all songs I have on CD’s and my ipod, but the first that popped into my mind is “You’ll Be In My Heart” by Phil Collins.

6. Would you rather live during the 18th century or in the future? FUTURE. It actually stresses me out that I won’t know everything that will be. I’d die right now if I gained all the knowledge of how things will end up all the way to the end of the universe.

7. How much time do you need to get ready in the morning? I NEED like 15-20 minutes, but I WANT around 2-3 hours, so I can do everything in a very self indulgent way. I usually end up spending around 1 & ½ hours. Because my ass won’t get out of bed when my clock rings. (Like, why eat a piece of bread while running around getting ready when you can put on some jazz and feast on a full dinner for 30 minutes in your morning gown?)

8. What’s your favorite Disney movie? AAAH NOOO ALL OF THEM. Maybe the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but then again Hercules, and Tarzan, the Little Mermaaaidd aaaa…..

9. Would you want to be famous one day? No, I don’t think I would, unless it’s like for something rad I did and after I’ve already died, so no one can ask me about it. I don’t think most people really understand what being famous actually means, it’s not that fun, the fame part usually comes as a minus with something else being the actual achievement/fun. 

10. What’s your favorite food? Pizza. My Love. If we include desserts then it’s Ice cream.

11. How many days ‘till your birthday? 362. A long wait again huh. At least I have Christmas. 

My questions:

  1. Do you collect anything strange/funny, or have some quirk? 
  2. Favorite piece of art, why, what do you like about it?
  3. Are you good at keeping secrets?
  4. Share something most people don’t know about you. 
  5. Hows the weather, do you like it?
  6. Sun, rain or snow?
  7. Sour or sweet?
  8. What would bring you true happiness?
  9. Which one are you, a flight or fight type of person?
  10. When you take off your shoes, do you untie them or just push them off?
  11. Do you consider yourself spontaneous, or a planner?

I TAG @kills-dreams @emcakira @brokuro @pugglepuppypuffypants @amalasdraws @twilit-tragedy @calnivet @sound-of-inspiration

Anyway, an annoying (specifically ace) discourse thing is when someone responds to something like “go to hell” with “oh you told a ____ to go to hell!!!”. (Like, fill in the blank with any sexuality or gender thats not cis or het)
Like 1) chances are, unless you flat out stated in the post what your sexuality is, the person doesn’t know your identity. I don’t check every person’s blog to find out, most people probably don’t.
2) Is it just me or does it strike anyone as really manipulative? Like, no they shouldn’t tell you to go to hell, die, whatever, but pointing out your sexuality if it isn’t even relevant seems like an attempt at smearing a person’s image. What’s the word I’m thinking of? It’s not slandering right? Close, but not exactly?
Anyway its annoying and a pain in the ass, and I personally find it manipulative.

subsituting-deactivated20170127  asked:

If theres 1 thing that rlly haunts me about columbine is the suicide bc I just cant wrap my head around what they said/how they got to that point like did e or d just decide right there"that's it man I'm gonna shoot myself" and Eric just went ahead & did it, where Dylan followed after maybe realizing there was nothing else left to do? do u think they planned where & when they would do the suicide and what are your thoughts on how the suicide situation was approached bc it srsly mind fucks me

Join the club.. I believe it to be one of the most haunting aspects of Columbine, too. I am guessing that it would maybe be a little less confrontational if we didn’t have the suicide photos at our free disposal. No matter how often you see those, if you linger on them too long you’ll inevitably go down a rabbithole of some sort. It’s the kind of thing you can’t really shake any more than you can shake that 911 call audio once you’ve heard it.

I think that it ‘helps’ to see the event itself as an explosion-implosion situation. The attempted bombing, shooting all those people, creating chaos in their wake.. that’s the explosion part. But it’s like all that energy that went out into that had that boomerang quality to it that made it all flood back into them in the end. I think that both of them acutely felt that implosion and that it is part of the reason why they never attempted to make their way into classrooms or other places where people were hiding. They knew their big plans were a bust and, even though it’s likely they assumed they had killed more than they did, I can see the failure getting to them big time.

We know that they had a hand signal for suicide, which I could see them use in the moment. My impression of Eric and Dylan is that they were both on their own separate islands when they entered the library for the second and final time. I don’t think there was a lot of talking going on. It’s kind of like the suicides evolved naturally from their other actions that day: it was the most logical consequence. They both knew they weren’t going to walk out of there alive. Dylan was elated about it, as he’d been playing with the idea of suicide for a much longer time, and I feel like he was relieved that it was finally happening. Eric.. I think that Eric banked on suicide-by-cop initially, but had no qualms about taking his own life once the moment came because it gave him full agency over the way he went out.

I don’t think they planned a location until they got to it. I don’t even think they had an idea of when, really.. it just felt “done” to them in that moment, when they were pretty much walking around on their own in a place they hated. I think they realised that the cops and everybody else were staying outside the school and that it would take a long time for them to be able to have a proper standoff with law enforcement. It feels to me like they didn’t even really think it through or talk it over: it just felt like the end, so they made it the end.

I also have the impression that their suicides weren’t that far apart in time, either. I have always seen the moment as Eric pulling the trigger while Dylan was preoccupied with his belongings and the molotov cocktail. Dylan would’ve been aware of Eric’s death at least peripherally, but I don’t think he’d have dared to look at Eric outright. You know how they sometimes say that a person’s soul already starts detaching from their body before that person actually dies? I think that was the case for Dylan – he was aware of Eric’s death but he didn’t acutely feel it or linger on it. Dylan was completing his ritual that he had created for that final moment. Eric didn’t have a ritual and his decision to die was more split-second. Dylan contemplated his suicide and openly dreamed of it, while Eric tried very hard not to linger on it until he couldn’t escape it anymore.

Can you just see them walking over there? Those final moments.. so easy to envision, but so hard to describe..

ITS NOT THEIR FAULT!

Note: I am pointing out someone who needs it, this is just a suspison, but I have a feeling this is the person who’s been insulting Ciro and Brandon, you can read more about that, but this is just a feeling, no I am not accusing anyone.

Please go here before continuing to get the full story: here and here

If you do not like this, feel free to leave and ignore.

Lets start with this first comment. Yes Im breaking this down FOR ME! NOT TO BE MEAN. So please, feel free to leave, as I said up above.

  • “Because we obviously know nothing about her. Raph knows nothing about Mona or her personality. He only knows that she can fight. He likes her look. That’s not love. That’s lust.”

Well considering they are both reptiles, and not all human, these two acted on animal instincts, and in the animal kingdom, its kind of run on instincts. 

Now we know shes a high strong, shes blunt and to the point, which is why he likes her, she doesnt like taking other peoples crap, which is another quality he would like about her. So there are two quailities I just listed of her personailty. Lets also add in that, she is honorable, that is a quality they both share. Also, who cares if its lust or love, these two have been canon since 1980, since Raphael Meets His Match aired. Just letting you know on that infomation.


  • “it’s pretty sad that this show teaches kids that beauty matters the most. Most of the female characters are there only for the franchise and only to be love interests.”

Really? Cause, from what it taught me that girls can kick ass. Looks shouldnt matter the most, I think thats what you took from this show. Mona is a lizard, yes she can be pretty in the eyes of the beholder, but to others, these girls can be ugly as hell and still be amazing. THEY ARE NOT JUST LOVE INTERESTS.

Im so sick of people using that as a reason, no, These girls are surely NOT JUST THAT. If that was the case, they wouldnt get so much love that they do, they get more love then hate, why? because they have likable personalities.

Lets take a look at these girls, shall we?

  • Karai: Complex story, rebel, smart mouthed female ninja who’s quick on her toes, and was reunited with her father, only to have it taken away from her, again. Her mother was killed by the man who kidnapped her and made false stories up about her REAL father, just so he could keep her.
  • April: A half human/half kraang. Psychic powers. High strong, stubborn and a firey red head. Was a normal girl until the Kraang kidnapped her dad, after reuniting with him, it didnt last long when he got mutated. twice. Puts up with ALOT of stuff in her life. Her mother lost, her father always gone, the only friends she has are guys, her best friend turned out to be Kraang Prime. Oh lets not forget that this season her powers are growing, and getting better as this series progress.
  • Renet: Saved time itsself from being destroyed by Salvanti. ((Forgive me for misspelling his name)) spent six months looking for the turtles, saved them once again. Shes clumsy, a dork, a legit fan of the turtles. She kicked ass when it was much needed, quick thinker, and a total sweetheart.
  • Mona: Shes a second in commant, a lutinent. An honorable warrior. Head strong, at first she was quick to judge, but soon came to realize that the others may not be so bad. She teamed up with the turtles, and fought side by side, both times now. 

We still dont know much about Mona, but that doesnt mean we wont know anymore. Also, these personalities and qualities dont matter huh, since I guess they’re just love interests. or just here to please the franchise. No you know what, April 2012 has more of a personality then the 1980s April. So please dont start that bullsh*t with me, because thats just it, bullsh*t.


  • “Girls aren’t useless, you know. Mona’s character is pretty good. She’s badass and I don’t hate it.”

But wait, didnt you say that these girls are just to be love interests? Oh wait, MOST. Whoops. 


  • “I hate their rushed and forced relationship.” 

Okay, I am not trying to change your opinion or whatever, but Im gonna let you in on a secret…..THIS RELATIONSHIP WAS NEVER FORCED. you wanna see forced? Leorai, Miket, hell even freaking Apriltello is forced. Why, because unlike the other 3 pairings, we’ve seen Raph and Mona together, before in the 80s series. Which is why it feels natural, just in a different version. 

The relationship rushed? now see thats where it depends, Raphael didnt just like her off the bat, vice versa. They both were trying to kick each others ass. And then, it hit him…..literally. Relationships are different in many ways. For example… Apriltello, one sided love, Donnie has been infatuated with this girl since season one. It took 3 seasons for these two to kiss, and they are still not together. The difference is, April and Donnie like to beat around the bush, while Mona and Raph are very blunt and up front characters. He told her, she told him, they both grew fond of each other. Lets not forget that we gotta think about how long they have not seen each other. Raphael even said that he didnt even think he’d ever see her again, so yes they reunite with a few kisses.


  • “And this joke has gone too far. We all know it’s a joke. It’s not funny anymore. It’s sick. Joke about teen pregnancy? AND about Raph giving birth or something like that? That it not funny.”

See this is why Ciro and Brandon troll you, because you take EVERYTHING seriously, like wtf bruh. Raph giving birth? Really?


  • Go ahead and block me, post my comment or whatever. No matter what, this show is not TMNT anymore. 

Last time I checked, the logo said “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” and it was about 4 turtles. Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo….Unless the names and logo changed….


  • “Kids aren’t interested to see turtles and aliens kissing.”

I maybe 21, but mentally im 15, and deep in my heart Im 10. Hell even when I was that age I wanted to see people kissing. Your just to immature to handle that bull, or you…just need something else to enjoy in your life….


  • “Please don’t start any more wars and try to improve the show. That’s your job, isn’t it?”

Bruh, he can do whatever the hell he wants. He does this sh*t because people like you in this fandom make it to easy and fun to troll.


  • “Ps. I do appreciate your work on the show. And I still want to watch it. But I can’t anymore. And I’m not the only one. That’s disappointing” 

Im positive your the only one bruh….wait…nevermind, there will always be crazy rabid fangirls like you in every fandom you see. You appreciate his work so much that this is the second time you complain about either the girls or a shipping. Hell it had to do with the show. That I remember…wait, i have a screen shot of it.. 

Not joking, her second time. Which is why I have a feeling… Well at least she was a bit more mature this time…((And yeah, I just did that sh*t))

No someone bullying a writer and a creator of a show is disappointing. Along with fans like you who take this kinda crap way to seriously. Like bruh, take a pill, drink some ice water, and chill.


This is literally sad. Brandon cant even joke about this kinda crap without one of you fans making this into a sensitive sob fest, let alone stand up for himself without being gained up on without others knowing the FULL story, 

seriously?!

 I take bullying very seriously and hearing that Ciro and Brandon are being bullied, over this Ramona bullsh*t? Really? Its not their fault you dont like it! So why even bother? Do you not have a life outside of the internet? Im just wondering. Sometime this fandom, just…really amazes me sometimes, and not the good kind…

 I love you guys, THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. But the actions you guys do sometimes, it just breaks my heart…

Welcome to the horrid Internet Miki. 


Well this can go badly for me, or positively for me…whelp nice knowing ya Miki!

Anyways,

Discussion: Here

Hate: Here


As usual

Pretty Hurts (Jin scenario)

Scenario requested by mothersangel

Jin finding out, you self harm.

(I listened to the song Pretty Hurts by Beyonce and remembered the request)

I wouldn’t read it if you have weak nerves.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Everyday the same.

Waking up, showering, brushing your hair, putting make up on, looking for something pretty to wear. 

It was a routine. You don’t even know how long this already has been your routine. 

Jin, your boyfriend, found that it was stupid. He found you pretty no matter how you looked like but you couldn’t believe him.

He faces everyday pretty female Idols looking all perfect and pretty, so why on earth shouldn’t he come to an Idea like leaving you. 

You wanted to look good no matter what. 

It’s a big problem you had already in your childhood. Your mother always compared you to others, how pretty some girls look and how

skinny some of them are. Your friends did exactly the same. No one really cared about your feelings. 

Your mother always told you that looks are the most important if you want to find a good man. 

So here you are, doing your make up while your boyfriend waits for you in the living room. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

As soon as you were finished, you and Jin drove to the concert. He would perform tonight and he wanted you to come with him.

You almost instantly agreed to this because you always wanted to see him perform live but what you didn’t knew was that this night 

would be the one of the worst nights in your life. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

You saw all the pretty girls perform and saw your boyfriend talking and laughing with some of them. 

You got jealous, they all look perfect, they were super skinny, had perfect skin, their make up and hair was perfectly done too.

And even after the performance when they were sweaty they still managed to look so goddamn good. 

Your boyfriend actually didn’t knew anything of your insecurities and you thought if it would change the situation right now. 

He was still talking with girls and he didn’t even turned one time to you, completely ignoring you. 

*I knew this would happen*, you thought. Thats what scared you the most, that he will find someone prettier than you and that he leave you.

No matter how much effort you put in your look, something would still be missing. 

*I guess he don’t need me anymore*, you thought and quietly head back home. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

You walked back home, opened the door, let everything drop, got of your shoes and head to the bedroom.

You looked at the mirror, looked at your reflection. 

You were not skinny enough, your skin wasn’t the best and the make up didn’t cover everything. 

Your hair was a big mess and your outfit was a big ugh.

You understood why he would look at other girls, you weren’t perfect as everyone else. 

Your mom was right, you should care more about your look. Everyone was right. 

You felt tears running down your cheek as you head to the bathroom. You opened the left drawer and scrambled out a box of pills. 

You swallowed three so you didn’t feel hungry. You looked at the mirror, once again starring at yourself. Mascara running down your cheeks. 

You breathed heavy and screamed at your own reflection, punching the mirror. 

A crack showed in the mirror and your hand started to bleed slightly but you couldn’t care less. 

The pain felt good. You deserve it, you told yourself.

You took the razor and started to cut yourself. Again and again. You always did that when you felt yourself not worth it. You started to do it

when you were a child and your parents and friends always blamed you for your look.

You cut again and again until everything what you saw was red. 

But even though your entire floor was covered in blood you couldn’t stop.

Everything that everyone said to you in your past was ringing in your head and the scene with Jin enjoying himself with other much more 

prettier girls than you, just didn’t left your head. 

You let the razor fall when you didn’t had the strength anymore. You broke down on the floor and cried, cried and screamed. Out of pain.

You hated yourself. 

You cried for what felt like hours when you felt someone wrapping his arms around you. 

You looked up to see Jin looking at you with worried, sad eyes. It seemed like he knew about everything and instead of lecturing you

he hugged you tighter, you buried your face in his chest. 

He rocked you back and forth, shushing you and kissing your head.

You both stayed like this for a very long time. His strong arms never letting go of you, never getting weaker. 

„I love you“, he said ,“never forget that“.

„I will always be there for you… No one, really no one can ever take your place… You are the most beautiful girl i have ever seen.

I can’t even believe my luck. I never thought that I will ever get a girl like you to like me… You are perfection. 

I don’t know what happened but… I love you…“

23. Your muse is a soldier in the war, mine is their lover back home — they exchange letters.

August 2, 2002

Bakagami,

Hadn't heard from you in a while, but I figured I should probably send something because it was your birthday and all. 

Things here have been pretty quiet. That's probably because you're not here yelling at me about forgetting to buy those hamburger buns you like or overcooking the steak because I got caught up watching a basketball game. It's funny 'cause that shit used to annoy me, but they're usually the first thing I think of. I miss it, ya know? And before you start rolling your eyes at how homo that sounds, think about my hand smacking you upside the head. 

Tetsu came by the other day asking about you. He said he hadn't heard from you in a while either and figured you'd have sent me something to lemme know how you're doing. Everyone worries I guess, but that's okay. At least I know I'm not the only one. 

I'm still pretty pissed that they wouldn't let me go back out there with you guys. The bullet hole's healed up pretty well. Barely a scar. I could've gone back out. Who the hell else is gonna watch your back for you, right?

I guess this is long enough, so I'll end it here. I'd say I miss you, but well, ya know how that goes. 

You watch your back and make sure your gear's in place. I'll see you when I see you. 

-D



August 18, 2002

Bakagami,

Still haven't heard anything and it's been a couple of weeks since the last one. They better be sending you your goddamn mail or someone's gonna get an earful pretty soon. I don't know where you're stationed, exactly, so I don't know where else to send this shit. Everyone here misses your loud obnoxious ass and I guess I can't say I disagree. 

Keep your head up and hopefully those dumbasses haven't lost any of the other letters I've sent. None of them have come back, so I guess that's a good thing, right? 

Keep your head up. It'll all be over soon. I'll even spring for an all you can eat at the new barbeque place Wakamatsu found. Think of the steak. That'll get you through the nights, yeah? haha 

-D



August 31, 2002

Ahomine,

Sorry about the lack of letters. I don't know when this'll get to you, but if it did, then I guess it means I won't be coming back. I got the mail you sent, along with everyone else' and you can tell them that I'm sorry for not answering. It's just hard to get out anything lately because of the shitty area we were deployed in. 

I forward dated this because hopefully it'll get to you by your birthday. This is 'the letter'. You know the one. They make everyone write one apparently, when we're going into pretty hostile territory. There was another one I wrote, probably less morbid than this one, waiting for me to send when I get back to the hellhole we've set up camp in. Hopefully, if this one went out, that one did, too. 

Tell Kuroko sorry that I worried him. I didn't mean to, ya know? Actually, tell everyone else, too. I didn't have the chance to write to anyone else and they said I could keep one letter with me when we set out, so consider yourself lucky that I actually love you give a shit about you enough to give you the last thing I'd ever write. 

Don't get pissed at me, okay? I know I said I'd come back, but you know how those promises go. You never really know when one of them turns you into a liar, right? Hah. Out of everyone, I think you'd understand that the most since you were in the hole with me. 

Ah, shit. Now I'm getting sentimental. I guess this dumb letter's making me out to be more of a pansy than I usually let on, but last letter and all. Gotta make it count, right? 

I wish we could've played basketball more. I wish we hadn't fought so much, but I guess that couldn't be helped because we're both stubborn idiots. No matter. You were my stubborn idiot and I guess at the end of the day, that's what counts. I wish I'd have heard your voice before we set out. You would've probably yelled at me for not writing back or calling sooner, but I probably wouldn't have minded. 

Don't wallow about this shit, okay? Tear this letter up and throw it away after you've read it. Don't let this stop you from doing what you need to do. You're the best of the best and I'll support you even if I have to do it from somewhere else where you can't see. Don't go back into that hole where you don't care about anything. Find a nice girl. Have a couple of stubborn, idiot kids who'll probably be just as hard headed as you. Sorry, didn't mean to call your non-existent rugrats idiots. Haha

Now, I'm rambling, so I'll end this here. 

I love you. There. I said it. We never really said it much, but you know how we are. Both morons about this shit. I should have said it more, so I'm saying it now. You take care of yourself, Ahomine. I'll see you on the other side. 

Oorah.

-T

anonymous asked:

What would be the appropriate way to ask a physically disabled person if their condition will improve over time?

Short answer, just don’t.

Unless your life will be dramatically affected by not knowing the answer then just don’t. If it becomes relevant I’m sure they’ll say something otherwise its just rude. By asking that question you’re invalidating their existence and marking them as lesser or incomplete person in need of ‘fixing’. 
Would you ask a person when they’re planning on losing weight? or if they plan on having surgery to make themselves more attractive?
The general theoretical consensus is that people like to categories the disabled body as ‘other’ and ‘broken’ to distance themselves and confirm themselves as ‘normal’. Disability scares people in a ‘there for but the grace of god go I’ kind of way, wether its conscious or not.

If you have to ask then first ask yourself why do you want to know and what do you really want to know. I get that most people are just curious, you could just ask them what their functions like and then follow up by asking if thats stable, but its better to just not be that guy.

I guess why i personally don’t like the question (although i get asked constantly and always reply cordially) Is because I feels like you’re instantly putting me beneath everyone else. It doesn’t matter what I’ve achieved with my life or what all my other traits are, I’m still ‘disabled’ and i should really be focusing on trying to fix that so i can be normal again.

okay so i know we’re all in different places regarding how much trek we watched (which is cool, like you dont even have to watch all of it). but in case you want my non-spoiler opinion, every single series is worth watching.

my order of ULTIMATE LOVE to love (because i literally love them all):

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I don't get ppl who say Bellarke isn't canon. Ok I guess I do, "canon" to them probably means kisses and 'I love yous' but to me, bellarke is the most heavily implied, most emphasized that it's important, relationship on this show. If you just watch it back from the beginning to now, it's completely canon. It's a relationship that's going to stay and and always come back together no matter what. Isn't that what this season showed us anyways? Bellarke is steadily evolving into something more.

Originally posted by henryhcavill

It is canon. The question what exactly IS it? 

They would canonically die for each other. They canonically care for each other more than anyone else. They canonically trust each other implicitly. They are canonical partners. They canonically care for each others’ emotional and physical well being. The are canonical intimate confidants. They are canonically devoted to each other. They canonically share meaningful hugs. They are canonically desperate for each other’s attention and good opinion. They canonically reach for and look for each other first. They have canonically cried over each other. They are canonically attracted to each other. They have made canonical claims on each other. They canonically need each other. They are canonically linked together in their own and in their fellows’ minds. 

Honestly the only thing they are not, canonically, is sexual. 

Yet.

anonymous asked:

I just want to say something about the eye colour thing: I may look into people's eyes when talking but I don't necessarily remember their eye colour. There are people I see regularly and I couldn't tell you what colour their eyes are unless they're brown, and that's often guess work. What you remember most is whether they're light or dark, not green or blue. Basically, eye colour doesn't matter until it matters, like with all description.

This is pretty accurate. A friend of mine I’ve known for 10 years mentioned me having green eyes a few months ago… close, but actually my eyes are blue, so…