AND HOLY SHIT ONE DAY AWAY!!!

8

Happy 40th birthday, Benedict Cumberbatch! (July 19, 1976)

10

‘Who’s your favourite gymnast?’
'Uhhh…’

Things That I have Yet to See People Talking About Concerning the Final Episode of OITNB (SPOILERS!!!!!)

1. Aleida’s face when she heard the news. They didn’t mention the name so she thinks it was Daya!

2. Maritza pushing Humphreys down and making him drop his gun.

3. “Fucking CO’s. You’re all pieces of shit.” Pretty sure that while she did mean the one infront of her, I’m pretty sure she was also drawing from her anger towards Bennet.

4. How To Kill a Mockingjay. Hungry Games. 

5. Red reading to her family from a book that Poussey gave to her. 

6. Maria backing away as Daya holds the gun. She might agree with it, but if Daya shoots, Maria is not prepared to take the blame. 

7. Muddy Waters by LP….holy wow. its been on repeat all day.

give me a “remember when we used to be friends in high school and we used to intimidate everyone until one day we had a massive fight bc you got involved with the wrong crowd and became a completely different person && the last time i saw you was in the pouring rain and you were crying begging me not to end our friendship — holy fucking shit, you just kissed me and then walked away and completely disappeared from the world ((for whatever reason)) && now it’s been a couple of years and we bump into each other at a coffee shop and fucking hell — you’ve gotten 10x hotter and you look so much happier and i look like the definition of trash but you just commented on how cute i am && fast forward a week and we’re sitting in your apartment and we’re getting high af and there’s so much sexual attention i just wanna climb on your lap and ride you into next week but there’s smth stopping me — is that an engagement ring on your finger or am i just seeing things??” plot

bad boy!Jeonghan:
  • really mysterious and like everyone’s afraid of him but at the same time they’re so mesmerized bc he’s so beautiful and like everyone knows him
  • he usually wears his hair in a low ponytail, save for his bangs and he likes to brush them back with his fingers and like every girl within a mile radius swoons over this small movement
  • leather jackets all day every day
  • the way he laughs is a total contrast to his whole bad boy image because his eyes disappear and his nose scrunches up and it’s like the cutest thing to witness
  • ok so like one day you’re walking down the hallway, too distracted by your notes and then suddenly you bump into someone and it turns out to be jeonghan 
  • you’re like ‘holy shit holy shit holy shit he look so much better up close’ and you’re tripping over your words trying to apologize
  • but then he gives you a half-smile and tells you it’s alright and then he walks away and you’re left there blushing 
  • every time you see him, you turn the other way because what if you embarrass yourself in front of him again oh my god
  • but sometimes it really can’t be helped that you have to walk by him when going to class and every time this happens you catch him looking at you and you don’t really know how to react 
  • this continues on for weeks and then one day while you’re fixing stuff inside your locker and you feel a set of eyes on you and you turn your head around and sure enough jeonghan was down the hall, staring at you
  • you hide behind your locker door and you have to give yourself a pep talk to try and calm yourself down because if you don’t your leg might just give out
  • but then you hear footsteps coming your way and then you can feel someone standing right next to you and you’re like 101% sure it’s jeonghan
  • well what do you know it is jeonghan
  • and you ask him in a very shaky voice ‘i-is there a problem?’ 
  • and he’s like ‘oh no, not really i just really need to ask you something’
  • and you look at him expectantly and his eyes are boring straight into yours and you’re completely frozen on the spot jesus fucking christ jeonghan why do you have this effect on people
  • “do you maybe want to catch a movie with me sometime?”
More AUs for your OTP to be in
  • Soulmates AU where dancing is a huge part of life and often incorporated into events because fusion exists and if you fuse with a person that’s your soulmate
  • To play off the first, I’m freaking out because it turns that despite a lifetime of hating each other, my eternal rival and I are soulmates because the two of just fused. Oh my god, what do I do?!
  • Alternatively, I fused once with my childhood friend as a kid, but because of awkwardness we never told anyone and one day they moved away but now they’re back again senior year and holy shit my soulmate is looking good
  • A world where everyone is a gem
  • Wanna binge watch all these cartoons with me? What do you mean ‘Dude, we’re 23′?!
  •  I’m a parent and I was just trying to beat the sales rush at the super market when a cute animal thing gave me the powers to fight against the forces of evil. I need to pick my kids from school (thanks to kickloop‘s post about a magical anime w/ moms)
  • I got pissed off and yelled at this random person and oh god now I feel guilty because holy shit they are such a cinnamon roll
  • We’re just getting married for the sake of the baby that will be born soon, but I can’t help slowly falling in love with this person
  • Oh hell no. I work at an electronics store and I’ve had to deal with one too many broken laptops because of viners and I think I’ve just spotted another one
  • We have no classes together but we always see each other in detention and the entire time we pass notes to each other. How does a cute person like you end up in detention?
  • Great; my health class just gave out the ‘take care of a baby with a partner’ project and I’m stuck with the class asshole
  • I found this random diary and, even though I shouldn’t, I started reading it and this person’s life story is so heartwarming I just can’t

but they look like that street band you see everyday in the morning on your way to work, that you never have enough time to listen to, but that every morning you toss a tenner in their guitar case until one day you stay and listen and you start feeling really happy because they’re so good and so when they finish you start to amble away and right before you do ash nudges luke and points towards you and he runs after you and thanks you for all the money you’ve ever thrown in and you tell him how much you like their voices and he smiles at you and invites you to hang out with the boys and holy shit

Idk what this is; it just popped into my head.

I don’t ship Tuckington (I just platonically friendship it), but I just had this thought/idea thing of, on Chorus, Tucker starting to like Wash and whatever and then one day, he sees Wash is just NOT wearing his armor at all, not even the body suit - and this is a big deal because Wash hardly takes off his armor anyway (especially these days when they’re in a constant state of war against Charon) - and not only is he caught off-guard by seeing Wash out of armor, but WHAT THE FUCK- IS THAT A WEDDING RING ON YOUR FINGER?! HOLY SHIT, YOU’RE MARRIED! WUT?!?!

And Wash is confused and surprised by Tucker’s outburst, but then sad as he fingers the metal band and looks away saying “Used to. I guess I’m technically a widower, though we were never actually official.” And he doesn’t say anything else because although he doesn’t know of Tucker’s feelings about him, he doesn’t NEED to in order to know that Tucker would not react well if he told him he was married to the man who later became the Meta, and he leaves Tucker before he can see him cry as he thinks of the night when Maine withdrew the trinket from his family possessions (it was his father’s ring to his mother) and lovingly slipped it on his finger - a promise for their future - and entwining their hands together like they were already bound with a ceremonial knot.

Tucker is left still reeling from the sudden realization that Wash was actually married once and is now feeling all kinds of conflicted.

The current state of the Faking It fandom before the long awaited release of season 2b

“Faking It is back? Wait, what was that about again? I forgot what I was even watching. Lesbians? Zombies? Lesbian zombies?”

“Oh, right. I remember now. A freak show high school where no one ever goes to class and a bunch of gay stuff. Best friends pretending to be girlfriends. Karmy. OMG Karmy pool kiss. Holy shit–”

“Are you telling me my favorite ships will put me through emotional hell again and Carter Covington will make me go through all five stages of grief for his personal enjoyment once more?”

“Possible Reamy break-up?”

“Rita Volk and Katie Stevens?!”

“New male love interests, more Kiam and a possible Liam Booker storyline?”

“Highly likely Karmy angst/cliffhanger in the finale?”

“All of this madness just one day away?”

“Oh, boy, here we go again. Fuck.”

Okay, so one of my head canons is that Kate knows French, but it’s something that she doesn’t really use much. So one day, when Victoria says something snide to Max in French, Kate just gets really mad and starts shouting at Victoria in French, and Victoria is like ‘holy shit’ and Max is like 'holy shit’ and then Kate finishes yelling at Victoria with a glare and grabs Max’s arm and drags her away

theory that wash never dances around people, and shys away from it after years of york and north teasing him but one day tucker walks into the kitchen to see wash with his headphones in listening to music and tucker is blown away with washs moves. like, who knew the serious, mr. no fun could move his hips so sultry and why is tucker unable to breathe right and who knew wash was actually so limber and his hips so hypnotic

wash eventually sees tucker and is a blushing babe and freaks out and ‘cant believe tucker would just stand there and why didnt you tease me say something????’

and tuckers eyes are just locked on washs hips with his mouth open unable to fathom how this smol nerdy white boy can dance so well

Reading All The Rage while pregnant with a baby girl sure was interesting

and by interesting I mean holy shit that was hard. Especially when the main character’s name is 1 letter away from our little one’s (Romy/Rory). 

The line that made me pause and have to walk away from the book for a day was “I hope it’s not a girl” - in the early days of our pregnancy before we knew the baby’s sex, for just a moment, I had the same thought. Being a girl in this world is so hard and so scary. How was I going to ask this little baby to go into battle as soon as it’s born? But then I remembered that all the great warriors in my life are women. Women who have seen some shit and come out the other side better and stronger. And that it’s ok to count myself among them. To be proud of my battle scars and not be ashamed of what I’ve survived.  

I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind of books I want to share with my daughter and one day this will be one of them. 

Ritsu Kasanoda

  • He’s just this big flustered loser who trips over his own words and probably his feet a little.
  • It’s probably a little awkward for the person he has a crush on because Ritsu would probably just stare at them at random intervals of the day trying to figure out exactly how he felt about them.
  • At one point or another he gives them flowers as a means of confession but just ends up stumbling through how to care for them properly rather than actually confessing. 
  • He would probably be really worried that his reputation as a scary guy might scare them away. 
  • Probably asks his friends (most likely Mori or Haruhi if he’s really desperate) about how to sweep them off their feet but holy shit was that a mistake because the twins have surprisingly good hearing.
  • He also probably spends a lot of time daydreaming about them but ends up getting really flustered at the idea of just holding their hand.

Kyoya Ootori

  • He knows a lot about them. Like way too much.
  • He’s probably actually really hesitant about engaging in an actual relationship with them so he tries to ignore the fact that he has a crush on them for the longest time. Might end up a little frustrated if he can’t immediately get over it.
  • They will definitely notice how he somehow manages to be around whenever they need help with something, or just a general increase of his presence in their daily life. 
  • If he really really likes them he probably sends them anonymous gift baskets from time to time. 
  • He starts to pay more attention to how Tamaki flirts with the guests and tries to figure out whether his best friend’s methods would be successful with his own crush. (They’re usually not.)
  • He probably likes to engage them in a lot of debates or philosophical conversations. He’s always presenting them with a new challenge, and ti definitely keeps both of them on their toes. 
2

(Sorry, this might be difficult to read because I got super lazy.)

I like to imagine that, one day, Sans snaps on Frisk and runs away in anger.

Frisk, of course, understands that Sans was having a bad day and took it out on him. He cries nonetheless, because he IS a child.

Bonus 1:

Bonus 2:

I thought about telling you I miss you but then I realized the feeling is not mutual so i just asked about your day.
I like change, but I wish we were still the same.
I wish I still was enough for you and you weren’t the one who’s got me up till this time of night thinking about what it could of been.
I wish we hadn’t drifted so far apart from each other, there was always currents of self questioning pulling us away from each other but you stopped fighting it, you got tired and you just gave up on me so quickly, like a habit, like giving up on the ones you love was the only thing you’ve been taught in this life, like I was just another example to remind yourself of how fucking great you are at what you do. But it’s getting harder and harder to see you with all the haze of indifferences between you and I and these waves of sadness don’t help much either.
—  I should stop fighting too shouldn’t I my love?
3:31am
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Last December I was bored in my New York apartment and decided to write about the best trip I had ever taken. I decided to post it here because I think everyone should go on a trip like this. Its not comedic at all, it’s just about a trip I took. 


Escape from New York

I live in New York City and it’s too much. It’s hard to think here. And this city doesn’t let up when you’re down. I feel like this city knows when you’re not feeling great and becomes tougher. I was bumming on things pretty hard recently and then one day I got hit by a cab riding my bike then later that night the bike got stolen. I was just thought, “Holy shit. Enough is enough.” I had to leave, just get away. I am a comedian and had shows in Utah so I decided to head out there a week early. I flew to Salt Lake City with my girlfriend, rented a car, and drove to Wyoming with no agenda. For the first time in my entire life, I had 6 days with nowhere to be.

We drove to the Grand Tetons first. I’d only seen pictures and had always wanted to see them for myself.  Photos don’t really do them justice; they’re mesmerizing. We hiked into them one day and then spent the next day just staring at them from a distance. The photo above is from when I watched beavers work on a dam in a tributary of the Snake River and laughed like a little kid to strangers about how much excitement I was getting from it.

We drove up into Yellowstone with the idea of just looking around for a day, but immediately realized that was a huge mistake. If we wanted to really see Yellowstone we needed to stay there for a least a week and we couldn’t do that on this trip. My girlfriend had to fly back out of Salt Lake City the next day, so we made a mental note to return to Yellowstone soon to truly see it. We drove out of Yellowstone and back into the Tetons so we could have one last dinner staring at our new favorite thing on planet Earth. After the sunset we took of for Salt Lake City so she could make her flight in the morning. We drove all night, but weren’t tired because we were still high from the whole experience.

After I dropped Joanna off at the airport I decided to drive South to Zion National Park. The drive to Zion took a full day because I tried not to take the major interstates in order to actually see Utah as I drove through it. Taking back roads is how I always want to travel from now on if time allows. The photo above was on a gravel road about 2 hours from Zion in Central Utah. The World Series was on and I just pulled over, listened to it on the radio, and drank beer on the hood of my rental car while the Sun set. I felt so calm, like I had nothing to ever feel sorry about. I was relaxing and being happy. I had just been fired from a job and I had been angry about it for months and it was on this night I finally realized, “Hey man, shit is pretty good for you right now. Get over it.”

After the light disappeared from the sky I took off again for Zion. When I got there I rented cheap motel room a half mile outside of the park entrance so I could wake up and be inside the canyon for sunrise.

I woke up early and hopped on a bus that takes you into the park. I had no plans of what to do and didn’t know much about Zion so I lucked out that the woman I sat next to on the bus was down to chat and fill me in on the things I had to see. Light started entering the valley as the bus took off. The first thing the woman told me I had to do was hike Angels Landing. As with almost every hike I go on, I way underestimated it.  I only had brought 2 liters of water, which I blew through pretty quick, but it was worth it when I got to the top. I crawled up to the very edge and looked over. My stomach went into my mouth and I immediately scrambled backwards and then sat down and read for a few hours until I decided to hike down to check out “The Narrows.”

I remained completely underprepared when I got to The Narrows. You had to wade through water almost the entire way and everyone had on special pants and water shoes they had rented back in town. I had nothing, so I just took off my socks, threw them over my shoulder, rolled up my jeans, and trudged in. Everyone I walked past inside the Narrows was eager to talk about how great it was. Just a bunch of phrases like “can you believe this?” and “really nuts, huh?”

It was the only time I asked someone to take a picture of me since I was alone. It’s tough to be an adult and ask someone, “hey take a picture of just me!”  But I found a really sweet old lady who I didn’t think would judge me and asked her to do it. I went about two miles in to the craziest canyon I have ever seen and realized it was like four more miles to the end and then I’d have to hike back the six miles all over again. I don’t really like retracing my steps so I decided to just head back now and go watch the sun set at The Grand Canyon.

I felt like I was cheating The Grand Canyon by only being here a short time. I think to really even attempt to grasp the landscape I needed to spend at least one week inside the park instead of a gross single sunset. Either way that’s what I did and it was beautiful, but of all the parks I had been so far this was my least favorite. I totally understand that’s my fault. I drove to the spot where they tell you to go, I looked at it, and then I left. I failed the park, it did nothing wrong. I need to go back soon and redeem myself. I left after it was pitch black outside with no moon and drove to within twenty miles of Bryce Canyon so I could be there the full day before I had to drive to Salt Lake City that night to do radio in the next morning for my comedy shows.

 Bryce Canyon blew me the fuck away. I had no idea what I was literally walking into. I got there as the sun came up and trekked down into the canyon and took my time hiking inside of it all day long. If there was any off shoot of the trail, I took it. I laid on the rocks and tried to read, but found myself so distracted by the landscape I kept just staring off into the distance. This was the last day of my adventure, I had to be somewhere for the first time in full week the next morning. I thought a lot and realized this is what’s important in life; finding something you love doing, and allowing yourself to do it. I love seeing nature, I need to make this a top priority in life. Everything’s too short to not at least attempt to do what makes you happy. I climbed out of the canyon and watched the sunset, then bolted for Salt Lake City.

Salt Lake City was the first time I had to be brought back to reality in 6 days. I found myself immediately not wanting to be in a city. I went and walked around The Great Salt Lake. It smelled terrible and seemed dead, but at least I was back in nature. The stand up shows I did were great in the city and it was because I was so happy. Excitement translates in stand up comedy, and I was so excited about the rest of my life that my performances were enthusiastic and happy. I am going to continue to do these type of things and hope my friends and family I called and passionately told to make a similar trip take me up on it. Escape from your New York. Get the fuck outta there.

2

The other day I was thinking about Isra and how they’ve probably never seen another monster other than themself, and came to the conclusion that if they ever saw one the reaction would be REALLY CUTE.

Like if they ever met someone like Aboh they’d get SUPER EXCITED and curious because "hOLY SHIT they’re not human!“ and start running around like a hyperactive puppy happily chattering away.

Meanwhile Aboh’s all like "kid I’m just trying to buy some groceries.”

Tumblr, the most amazing thing just happened to me.

I went shopping to restock my fridge this afternoon and, on impulse, grabbed a Mexican candy, ‘cause it’s Texas and we have entire shelves of those. I assumed from the colour and slight squish that it was either dulce de leche or tamarind something, and didn’t bother reading the label.

Got home, put stuff away, cracked into it, and on the first bite, gods were born on my tongue. The void cracked open and all the angels of the dark beyond sang out. Time ended. A new universe began. It was not dulce de leche.

I checked the label to discover what I had grabbed was a rollo de guyaba.

Now you gotta understand. Guava has been my favourite fruit in the world since the time I accidentally ordered guava pie in Piedras Negras all those years ago. So this was basically like pushing the button to get your change back from a vending machine and getting a fifty dollar bill instead of two quarters. 

This is the best impulse buy in the history of impulse buys. This was a better surprise than having a positive tax return. It’s like having crème brûlée for the first time all over again. I’m so happy I can’t even be upset that it’s taken so long to discover that rollo de guyaba is a thing that exists and is readily available. Life is beautiful and nothing hurts. And if you’re reading this guava-induced euphoria rant I hope something turns out monumentally better than anticipated for you too.