Steph, I need your help. I have a crush on Ben. I know it's just a public image and all - but I can't get him out of my head. I'm suffering, I don't even want to look at other people in a romantic way. It would be normal if I was a teen, but I am in my 20s and this situation makes me depressed. I don't want to live in a reality where I am nothing compared to someone I'm in love with. I'm probably not the first girl among the fans with this problem, but I feel so lost. Maybe you have some advice?
Hey Nonny! <3
Ah, I feel ya, Lovely. Ben is that unachievable goal that we’ll never reach, it seems. I really get you on this, though I think he pleases me aesthetically and he seems like a genuinely nice person that I want to be friends with, hah hah. Maybe have a snuggle or two with.
But unfortunately reality is a cruel jerk and I am not friends with him, nor will I ever get my snuggle, and will probably never meet him – it’s sad to think about since meeting him would make my entire life, but it’s just something of a logical realistic thing I had to come to terms with.
Honestly I don’t know how to help you get over your Ben-addiction; still suffering it myself, LOL. If it makes you feel any better Nonny, I have pics of Ben up on my wall at home and at work, because seeing his face makes me happy; I am in my mid-thirties. Do people make fun of me for it? Hell yeah, but Ben doesn’t make them happy, so I don’t care. And I know I am just a blip on his radar, and I’m okay with that. The fact that you know and admit you have a problem is the first step to healing. I guess the best advice I have for you is to try to get out and meet new people, spend some time with coworkers or friends, and step away from the Ben for a bit. Find out WHAT about Ben you like, the TRUE qualities about his character that attract you, and understand that those may be the qualities you might like in a potential partner. I’m not trying to be harsh, but your “love” for Ben is a superficial thing that will never be realistically reciprocated from him. Your “love” could actually be a manifestation of your own loneliness and desire to feel love in return… trust me on this one. Learning to love yourself, or at least find out why others like or love you, is a good way to start the healing process. And in turn, you can then offer genuine love and then see in other people what you saw in Ben.
For instance, I love his charming nature, his natural ability to be really funny, he’s dorky, and his need to ensure everyone is happy and respect for people is something to aspire to. Plus his work ethic and acting is astounding, and I find that, as someone who has a similar work ethic, very attractive. See? Nothing physical listed here (though I will be the first to admit that his ethereal beauty is SO lovely to me. His eyes, cheeks and smile. GUH), and in turn if / when I look for a partner, I now know some of the check boxes I can use. It’s not about looks, it’s about the character of the person for me.
I’m very sorry you are suffering, Nonny. Please don’t be depressed because of a “fan phase”. It is just a phase, one that we all go through at some point in our lives and will eventually tide over once your heart realizes it needs to listen to the head for a change. If it does get really bad, though, Nonny, please do talk to someone. Sometimes hearing yourself say it out loud is enough to realize “what the hell am I doing?” and be able to carry on. Your heart is a very special thing, and one that someone who loves it in return deserves to see.