The Unofficial Goldman Sachs Guide To Being A Man and my two cents.
Stop talking about where you went to college except when with those who were along for the ride.
Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket. Back left pocket. Still feels like wallet-motion then.
Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans. Damn fuckin’ right
It’s okay to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s. That’s what I’ve been saying.
The best public restrooms are in hotels: The St. Regis in New York, Claridge’s in London, The Fullerton in Singapore, to name a few. Yes, and you don’t feel the pressure of paying for a burger in McDonalds just to use the loo.
Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row… Unless something really good comes up on the third night. Care to explain?
You will regret your tattoos. Get another to divert attention.
Never date an ex of your friend. Define ‘ex’.
Join Twitter; become your own curator of information. But don’t be pretentious. That’s the 9 in the 1-9-90.
If riding the bus doesn’t incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will. Is why I decided to work in the first place.
Time is too short to do your own laundry. ? But is worth it if your washing hers too.
When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink. Sometimes, you should already know what she wants as well. Almost always actually.
If you perspire, wear a damn undershirt.Problems faced by lesser mortals.
You don’t have to like baseball, but you should understand the concept of what a pitcher’s ERA means. Approach life similarly. The way I’ve conducted my life has rarely been better put. The way everyone leads their life needs to follow suit. Wait, no. Then I wouldn’t be a unique little snowflake anymore.
When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go.? And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.? ? Depends on who is asking you to go with.
People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy. ? Become the self-assured witty one. Oh wait, Oscar Wi…
When in doubt, always kiss the girl. Umm sure. Just preface it with “I’m going to kiss you now”.
Tip more than you should. Wish everyone agreed.
You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.? Doesn’t everybody?
Buy expensive sunglasses. Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them. Agree on point 1, got to get better on the last bit.
If you want a nice umbrella, bring a sh*tty one to church. Lame.
Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning. ? How am I being compensated?
Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave Rusty and Junior at home. Once a month, but it’s a must. Afternoon laughter before a mournful week is as much for you as it is for them.
Be a regular at more than one bar, per every chosen locality.
Act like you’ve been there before. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the end zone at the Super Bowl or on a private plane. Own it.
A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day.? Gin perhaps, and it’ll only make you more fierce.
It’s better if old men cut your hair. Ask for Sammy at the Mandarin Oriental Barbershop in Hong Kong. He can share his experiences of the Japanese occupation, or just give you a copy of Playboy. Or Aslam in South Bombay and he can offer to come home and give you a massage.
Learn how to fly-fish. I am neither a grizzly bear nor a senator’s son.
No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful woman. Have you scrolled through my Facebook?
Own a handcrafted shotgun. It’s a beautiful thing. But not good enough to pistol-whip someone with.
There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived. Touche´.
You can get away with a lot more if you’re the one buying the drinks. Make sure the 'lot more’ is worth it. Otherwise, do the counting, fudge the dutch, and take home more money than you arrived with.
Ask for a salad instead of fries.? Or soup instead of salad?
Don’t split a check. Yes, let’s just make her feel kept and pretty. Will work wonders when you’ve left your wallet behind.
Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them. Because the ugly ones obviously are rolling in company.
Cobblers will save your shoes. So will shoe trees. Mental note - buy more leather. Provide employment.
When a bartender buys you a round, tip double. ?? Always watch him or her pour. If the bartender so much as adds a few drops more on purpose, tip well.
The cliche is that having money is about not wasting time. But in reality, money is about facilitating spontaneity. The wheels are in motion.
Be spontaneous. Ensure you have money then - or enjoy credit debt throughout life.
Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. She exists. Make sure she lives like a Helvetica Neue Ultralight and rules like a Georgia in bold italics.
Piercings are liabilities in fights. ? Also enhance pleasure in bed.
Do not use an electric razor. ? DO NOT BE CLEAN SHAVEN.
Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you don’t mind that she’s eating yours.? This author has issues. But never mind her eating yours. Run away if she has an issue with you trying hers. She. Will. Get. Fat.
Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.? Make that a suit. Definitely stay that size, if the size is right.
One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.? Can sometimes even be too much.
#StopItWithTheHastags How will people discover your awesomeness?
Your ties should be rolled and placed in a sectioned tie drawer. ? Or hung on a dedicated tie hanger.
Throw parties. ?But have someone else clean up the next day. If you’re Hugh Hefner that is.
You may only request one song from the DJ. ? Be the DJ.
Measure yourself only against your previous self. Project yourself against your current self.
Take more pictures. With a camera. Make her feel beautiful, everyday, and prove it with your camera.
Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.? And place-hopping is better than name-hopping.
When you admire the work of artists or writers, tell them. ?And spend money to acquire their work. ?? Convince them to charge for their work - most don’t know they should or can.
Your clothes do not match. They go together. ? Your eyes don’t really match your chin. But they go together.
Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner. ? And you have to respect when she wants to as well.
Staying angry is a waste of energy.? Resolving arguments takes even more energy - but none of it is wasted.
Revenge can be a good way of getting over anger. ?? Revenge is a good way to prove you’re a dick. Most people are.
If she expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then she doesn’t want you. If 20% of her is better than a 100% of most others, you should want her.
Always bring a bottle of something to the party.?? Make sure you’d like to drink it if offered. Nothing is worse than refusing to accept a host’s gracious offer especially if its the very bottle you’ve brought.
Avoid that “last” whiskey. You’ve probably had enough. ? Because experience says that that’s never the end. It’s only just beginning.
Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life. There may still be a mortally wounded Russian mobster roaming the woods of south Jersey, but we’ll never know. Time resets mechanical memory, heals autonomic emotional functions, reconfigures FAPs and triggers hormones on newer, better, sexier cues.
If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs. ? Or learn to be pitchy with your wit - deliver them in short breaths close to her ear. Imagine her smile while you smell her hair. Wait, did I say wit? Er… Osca…
Drink outdoors.? And during the day.? And sometimes by yourself. Within limits. Unless the next day is a holiday.
Date women outside your social set. You’ll be surprised.? What did you think? That you were from her social set when she picked you up from the street??
If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone. ? Enter like you own it. Retreat like you own it.
You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back.? Our liquor is not our liquor, but our liver’s longing for its soul.
Feigning unpretentiousness is worse than being pretentious. Cut it out with the vintage Polo and that '83 Wagoneer in Nantucket. Spend less time on which you are. Let others decide.
The New Yorker is not high-brow. Neither is The Economist. ? And Maxim…?
If you believe in evolution, you should know something about how it works. Stay in a constant state of flux, be a revolution in motion, forever escaping an imaginary rut so that you have the excuse to become something more. Make the impossible possible, become the opposable thumb. Smell like a man, man, and remember to forever keep walking. It might seem tiring, but just fuckin’ do it.And remember, wisdom lies in cheesy ad tag-lines.
No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it. ? Take pains to explain to her when you are - it’s better than petulantly offending her later.
Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you. Unless she looks like Alexandra Ambrosio. Never otherwise.
Eating out alone can be magnificent. Find a place where you can sit at the bar. She might just be the one, the one who takes the next bar stool.
Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party - provided that you don’t initiate conversation with, “So, who are you reading…” Giffen and Veblen may not be your best friends, but you should know what supply and demand is nonetheless. You don’t want your stock to drop, do you?
Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats. No seat is cheap. It’s relative.
Hookers aren’t cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive. No comment.
Don’t ever say, “it is what it is." Say it, but ensure it becomes more than what it was going to be.
Start a wine collection for your kids when they are born. Add a few cases every year without telling them. It’ll make a phenomenal gift in twenty years. Drink whisky while they grow up - it’ll keep you calm and ensure you don’t smash those wine bottles in those 20 years.
Don’t gamble if losing $100 is going to piss you off. Gamble when you’re sure to win. Make it look like you were destined.
Remember, "rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.” Remember, it’s wiser to consider oneself a fool - and that is a rule.
“No respeto a los pobres porque vivimos en un mundo que recompensa el éxito”; “yo no soy maleducado, eres tú el que me aburre, gilipollas”; “mi primera esposa fue radicalmente antiabortista hasta que mi amante se quedó embarazada”; “voy a ir al infierno, así que tengo dos opciones: ir a lo grande o ir sin más”. Esto son algunas de los frases que John LeFevre, antiguo responsable de la cuenta de Twitter @GSElevator e inversor en el mercado asiático recoge en ‘Directo al infierno’ (Deusto), un retrato del lado oscuro, guarro e inmoral de los negocios.
Cocaína en cantidades industriales, machismo e infidelidades a diario, desprecio, clasismo y racismo en niveles que escandalizarían a Donald Trump son algunos de los componentes de este librito que recoge la experiencia del 'trader’