@dril

You meet Christian Borle. He’s at a stagedoor. You ask for a selfie, and he agrees. His phone buzzes. He is still talking as he unlocks it, turns away. He thanks you for coming, moves to go back inside. Just over his shoulder, his phone shines. Its the twitter layout, you’re sure, but Christian doesn’t have a twitter. He says goodnight to the crowd. Disappears.

Your phone buzzes. A twitter notification.

it’s dril

TFP characters as dril tweets
  • Optimus Prime: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT
  • Ratchet: the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: “theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron”
  • Bumblebee: 1st grade: Mastered. 2nd Grade: MAstered. 3rd Grade: Mastered. 4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you 5th Grade:This ones hard
  • Arcee: strongest blade in the world, howeve,r it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian
  • Bulkhead: i fear my tropical fish no longer respect me after i accidetnally stumbled backwards & smushed my ass hole right up against their $3000 tank
  • Wheeljack: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
  • Cliffjumper: priest plugs my coffin in at the end of the funeral. “MILLERTIME” lights up in neon on the side, desecrating my corpse & sending me to hell
  • Smokescreen: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. I hoot and holler out of the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying
  • Ultra Magnus: Blocked. Blocked. Blocked. You are all blocked. None of you are free of sin
  • Jack: yes trolls. unlike you, i have a brain. its called a " JOB "
  • Raf: downloading shit loads of counterfeit papa john coupons through unsecure wifi net works
  • Miko: DAD: i just heard on t he news that teens are taking the "Kick My Ass" challenge. please dont do this ME: you have no power over me, old man
  • Jane Darby: startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no
  • Fowler: i enjoy a bit of "Humour" every now and then, but people seriously need to stop tying me to a chair and injecting me with unknown substances
  • Megatron: my followeres, who all hate me, and wish to kick my ass, are nobodys, and they lack the combat training to injure me, because theyre infant
  • Stascream: I just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of public restrooms ive Screamed in
  • Soundwave: im the guy who airbrushes the nipples out of pro wrestling ads. i make $85k a year. but i have a secret *removs shades to reveal nipple eyes
  • Knockout: I put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college & now everyones like “oh tortures bad” , “its ineffective” fuck off
  • Breakdown: my grave is just a huge tv displaying videos of me doing parkour in hell and it makes all the other graves look like shit
  • Arachnid: i will tell you this right now: I'm from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally
  • Shockwave: i have absolutely zero interest in friendship, i have absolutely zero interest in jokes, i am simply here to collect data and earn respect.
  • Predaking: please bring your rats to the new castle flea market so I may bless/heal them. ill be sitting in a lawn chair wearing a stolen priest outfit
  • Dreadwing: (the trolls watch in astonishment as the milk shake they threw at me flawlessly bounces off of my head wwith minimal pain and mess involved)
  • Unicron: *all horrors begotten by the desire of man flash before eyes* woha! this is awkward *the cries of millions suffering echo* Damn That's Weird