1. im sorry that i couldn’t hold you when you needed me.

2. if i could turn back time i would keep replaying the highlights of our memory film reel. when i knew you trusted me, when we swapped hoodies.

3. i wanted to ask you out, once. i chickened out before i even planned it. i wish i done it now.

4. i tell people; don’t leave room for regrets - move on. what i don’t tell people is; you’re my biggest regret. i want to see your smile one more time, i want you to love me like you used to.

5. it was never romantic between me and you. sometimes it felt that way, but this type of love was stronger than any flimsy relationship. and yet, it crumbled faster than even that.

6. sometimes, when the silence starts to ring in my ears, when the anxiety burns in my chest; an icy cold regret, i turn on your favorite song. i don’t think that’s changed, since we last knew each other, but you are immortalized within those lyrics.
“lay down your arms, give up the fight.”

7. i remember your shirt on my cheek, hands in my hair. soft jeans, worn and washed out. legs touching mine. our fingers tangled.

8. i wish i could say he drove us apart, but it was me. im sorry.

9. do you still listen for the train at night? i do.

10. i loved you, i will love you. it didn’t just stop, don’t you dare say i didn’t care. i cared more about you than i cared about myself.

11. i should have tried to work it out. im sorry it ended how it did. i forgive you, and maybe you will forgive me too, one day.

12. i have always been something of a train-wreck. i leave people behind, tears in their eyes, ice in their hearts.
we ended as abruptly as we began. i wish you had never felt everything i did to you.

13. i have to move on, and let you go. i hope you know, i will love you with my dying breaths.


thirteen things that i wish i could tell you.
this is me moving on - giving you up.
i hope happiness finds you, someday.

- y.v.l

Has anyone else ever had their character muses come help them when they were having a meltdown? 

Like yesterday, I was crying in the parking lot and freaking Red Team popped up in my head and explained that no, fuck those guys that upset me.  Simmons gave the breakdown mathematically on why they were being unreasonable.  Sarge made me laugh with increasingly absurd ideas for violent retribution. Then Donut tried to initiate a group hug and Grif bailed. 

I actually felt better when I got on the bus…   

I gave in and am making a permanent starter call! If we’re mutuals, you can like this and I’ll do things, including:

  • Sending you memes!
  • Making you starters!
  • Yelling about our muses!
  • Plotting things maybe!
  • Sending you pictures of my cat!
  • Whenever I or my muse feel like it!
  • Yay! What a deal!

And if you like this, you can do the same! It’s fun for everyone! I’ll also make a buddies page too and add y’all to that as well!

This whole thing with Scott reminds me of a convo I just had a few days ago about horror games getting like…overzealous vitriol if they  aren’t scary. Like for starters what is and isn’t scary is immensely subjective. And real talk that doesn’t make or break a horror game, (at least for me personally). Horror games typically aren’t JUST for the scares it’s equally about the mysteries and backstory surrounding why shit has gone to hell. Like FNAF didn’t get insanely popular off the scares alone. Look at how invested the fandom is in it’s lore and story coming up with all these theories and trying to piece everything they can together. Like you can’t be mad about that, you ain’t gotta like it but appreciate the fact that someone from such humble beginnings didn’t try to reinvent the wheel. So many good and grown ass gaming companies can’t even grasp that these days. 

anonymous asked:

been following you for a while. Noticed you are really into Muse, and to be honest I've been telling myself they're not that good, but you got me into Dan and Phil cuz you seemed to passionate about it, so can you explain what's so special about Muse?

oh man. oh man oh man oh man.

the thing about muse is that they just. they just help me, you know? i can go on about how passionate i am without getting emotional because holy shit. how can you not fall in love with the riffs, the lyrics, the drums and the basslines? it’s hard to not love matt bellamy’s falsettos and it’s hard to not be impressed when he sings them and actually hits them in every concert. it’s amazing how their style changes, how they keep evolving but they keep getting good and better, i mean holy fuck, this band has a three-piece symphony for fuck’s sake. muse is an excelent band and the three members (four, counting with tom), are all as equally talented and people just keep failing to see that, to see how amazing and special they are. 

and really, emotionally, it’s just so important to me. these guys, these guys are the ones who tell me that there’s no one like you on the universe and it’s not directed towards me, and i know it would never be, but sometimes, when i’m really depressed at 2 AM and let myself out because no one is watching, hearing someone say that there’s no one like me it’s a relief. these guys are the ones who can make me cry for no reason (like for real what’s so special about Sing for Absolution that makes me cry every time?) or Unintended? a love song? why? let’s not even talk about Explorers), these guys are the ones who get me on a better mood by just listening to a few seconds. there is not one day where Bliss doesn’t make me smile in the worst of the days. these are the guys whose lyrics are so complex and fun to analyze, these are the guys who make amazing songs and whose main leader believes in aliens and conspiracy theories and makes a hell of an album anyway, these guys make lyrics so fucked up (what is even Plug in Baby about) but that it sounds so good you can’t help but to keep listening to it. i’ve listened to the whole seven albums, with the b-sides and not even one album has disappointed me.

and at the end of the day, they’re just three guys who are childhood friends and major dorks but who help me so so much and i don’t think i’ll ever thank them enough.

really, just listen to muse, such a good band, 1000/10 

You are a thing
both beautiful
and terrible,
and you deserve
who treats you
like the moon
and can love
the dark side
of your soul too.
—  Terrible, Beautiful Things | Nikita Gill

You are many things but you are not sorry.

You are climbing into the mouth
of someone else, hands
and stomach brimming full with another heart
when you ask me to come back

but I am tired of it all:
the radio static and the hurting,  
the left behind peach pits and
the tiptoeing out back doors.

Even the earth has started
zipping my aching beneath her flesh
because she doesn’t think 
love can bring me home anymore,

and maybe she knows better than me;
maybe this is how she will keep me safe.

Sunday Night Musings

Okay, it’s Sunday night here on the east cost and I’m trying to think of what we could possibly discuss. I’ve wanted to do something like this for a while–an informal series where I just put all the thoughts swarming around in my brain down on paper, but the only problem there’s a whole lot of thoughts dancing around in there.

So where to start first?  … … [thinking in progress] … …

One thing I’ve always prided myself on is being open with you all. Talking to those that have asked about my depression, posting stories and comments about my experiences with bullying, and of course the whole law school experience. Because I hope that if even one person reading it learns something that will help them on there own journey then I feel like I’ve done something good. 

In the spirit of that tradition, I’ll let you in on another secret, my dearest followers (which I’ve hinted at before).

I am 22 years old (just graduated from college) and I have never been on a date or had a boyfriend.

Yep, there I said it. Now one thing I’ve struggled with for years is the feeling that there’s something wrong with me. Had I done something horribly wrong that somehow stayed like a beacon over my head saying “don’t date her”? Was I too much of a hopeless romantic, pining for fictional princes that didn’t exist? Was I somehow abnormal?

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