;;mia sings

I am so here for Taylor being super gay right now. Like, 2014 is coming back to me and I am LIVING. She’s going out and about with Karlie again, they’re going MIA together, she’s singing all the gay songs and keeping the pronouns, she dressed up as a known queer character for Halloween and TS6 is on its way and is predicted to be the gayest of them all. What a time to be alive.

[Mark] Teacher’s Pet (Chapter 113) - Final

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A/N: So, this is it, the last chapter of this almost 2-year series. Writing TSP was such a challenge and fun at the same time. I hope you guys have enjoyed it as much as I did. I’ll be writing more chaptered fics in the future, but nothing quite as long as TSP. :)

When I hear the familiar muffled purr of his car, an unabashed smile creeps on my face. My heart warms at the thought of him coming home. I haven’t seen him yet, but I feel better. Miss sunshine is slowly getting on her feet when the front door opens. I hear him pull his suitcase behind him as he gets closer to the living room.

“Eeeeeee!” Mia sings happily, holding her tiny body up against the sofa. I look up and find Mark in the doorway, dressed in sweatpants, a sweatshirt and a baseball cap, beaming at our daughter with a wide smile splattered across his face.

“Hi, gorgeous.” He cheers as she shifts, wanting to walk over to her dad. She takes slow, wobbly steps towards him, holding her hands in the air for balance. I watch her tiny naked feet carry her to her dad.

“Come here, beautiful.” Mark encourages, kneeling and holding his arms open for her. She squeals in delight, opening her arms as well and reaching out. I can’t believe she’s only 8 months old.

“Hi.” Mark murmurs when she’s at his level. He picks her up and brings her to his chest, and she wraps her short arms around his neck, her head against him. I rise from the sofa and walk closer to the lovely seen, never getting tired of watching Mia and Mark’s privileged moments.

“She gives proper hugs now.” I observe, reaching out and pulling her blue dress down to cover her diaper. Mark hums and leans closer to me.

“I missed you.” He murmurs, holding her against him. I kiss him.

“I missed you too.” I murmur. Mia pulls away from her dad to look at him, but quickly gets distracted by his cap. She grabs the visor of it, pulling it down to her.

“Did you miss me?” Mark asks her, taking his cap off so he can get her attention. The toy gone, she joins her tiny hands and babbles incomprehensively.

“She did. She started calling dada.” I reply in her name. Mark smiles and kisses her cheek.

“Oh, did you? Can you say dada?” He asks. Our baby giggles, her big yet slanted brown eyes getting small like moon crescents.

“She’s not going to do it in front of you. You know how she is.” I crinkle my nose, slipping my arm around his waist. He pulls me closer to him, Mia clapping and cooing between us.

“But she’s walking so well now.” He says proudly. I knew when she started standing up a little bit after her sixth month that she’d be walking in no time.

“I know, right. She’s just eight months old.” I concur.

“We make super babies.” He grins.

Each of our children have something special that makes me think we truly make gifted human beings. Zoe is a genius kid; she takes after her father. At first we thought she had development issues, because she was very quiet, but it was all the contrary. He brain is like a sponge; she remembers everything from when she was three. She can read tons of books in a day and tell you what each of them is talking about. She goes to a special school with both genius, autist and retarded kids.

Thomas, our little cheeky buddy is funny. And I mean funny. One of the things I say the most at home is “is this child normal?”  Zoe and Mia both look like normal mixed kids, but Tommy, although it’s all darkening a little, has soft blue eyes and brown hair. He’s such a happy and bright kid, and so silly, he could have anyone cracking up in no time.

And Mia is strong. Her strength is actually scary, and I have to keep my hair up most of the time, because she is a savage. No wonder she already walks, her chicken legs are muscular.

“Are you a super baby, Mia?” Mark asks her. She hums and takes his face between her hands. She says ‘Ababababa’.

“I see.” Mark nods although it was pure baby gibberish. He kisses her forehead. I love it when he’s around our kids.

“Are you tired? How was your flight?” I ask him. He had a 20-hour flight back from India where he was for a one-week business trip.

“It was fine.” He says, his joy of seeing Mia after a week almost hiding his tiredness perfectly. “I’m tired, but I missed you guys.” He murmurs before kissing my cheek.

“Daddy!” A high-pitched voice screams in delight. When Mark and I turn around in the large entry of our house, our 3-year-old comedian is coming running towards us in his Spiderman pajamas.

“Captain!” Mark beams, kneeling with Mia over his hip. Thomas laughs, crashing against his father’s chest and wrapping his arm around his side.

“You came back!” He gushes. Mark runs a hand through his wild hair and kisses it.

“I did. Did you miss me?” He says softly. Thomas nods against his chest.

“Can I have a kiss?” Mark asks. Thomas pulls away and looks up, pouting his cute lips and they exchange a quick peck.


When I look up, Zoe is hurtling down the stairs. She runs towards Mark but stops in front of him. She doesn’t ask for a hug or gives him one. She doesn’t like to be held. Most genius kids don’t handle physical contacts very well. But for some reason kisses are okay.

"Hey, peanut.” Mark says before kissing her cheek.

“I missed you.” She says, wrapping her arms around his neck. Zoe is giving him a quick hug, pulling away before he can react. Mark is submerged by happy children.

“I missed you too.” He kisses her cheek again.

“Aren’t you guys supposed to be sleeping?” He asks; looking down at our little boy who is playing with her baby sister. Mia is making some great effort to test her new tooth on Thomas’ finger.

“They wanted to see you first.” I murmur from where I am. Mark makes an appreciative noise and holds Thomas closer to his chest, kissing the crown of his hair.

“You guys can go to sleep now.” He declares although I know he would want more time with them. Unfortunately, it’s almost ten in the evening.

“Come say good night!” Zoe begs, grabbing his free hand and pulling him forward.

“Take your brother to bed, I’ll be there in a second.” He says. Tommy squeals and Zoe takes his hand, obeying like the good girl she is. I watch them slowly walk up the stairs of our enormous house. Mark gets back on his feet, Mia waving goodbye to her siblings. He drapes an arm around my waist and pulls me close, nuzzling my neck.

“Next time you’re coming with me.” He declares. I hug him close, wanting to feel him close to me. He’s warm and he smells good. I missed him so much every day.

“You always say that.” I reply playfully. When Mia starts to kick, Mark pulls away and drops her to the floor. He takes my hips in his hands and presses his lips against mine. I curl my arms around his neck and kiss him tenderly, tasting his lips first, and then slowly exploring with my tongue. Calmness and content invades me. God, I missed him.

He rubs his nose against mine, he hands sliding under my blouse to caress my back. His hand feels hot against my skin. I feel so much better now he’s here, even though it’s always amazing to spend time with the kids. Although I didn’t have a lot of time between moving offices to open my own with Anika Springfield and finishing my second book, the kids kept me busy whenever I was tempted to think too much about Mark. He pulls back and I open my eyes.

“You’re beautiful. I missed your face, baby.” He says quietly. Mia is grabbing on my leg to get up. Mark cups my cheek, and I nuzzle his hand kiss his palm.

“Mia slept with me all week. I felt so lonely at night.” I murmur. He smiles to me.

“We’re ridiculous.” He says. Oh, we are. He was only gone for a week, and we’re both miserable.

“I know. I love you.” I say before kissing him. He chuckles against my mouth.

“I love you more.” He says. “I’ll go put the kids to bed.” He declares, letting go of me.

“Okay.” Relucently, I don’t protest. I pick Mia up and hold her to my chest. I have to get her to eat, change her and put her to sleep too.

After feeding Mia her last bottle of the day, I change her in the cutest onesie she has: one saying daddy’s little princess. Unfortunately for me and my will to enjoy some time with my husband, she does not want to go to sleep. 

When she and I peek into Tommy’s room, he’s fast asleep in his bed, his blankie held tight between his fingers against his body.

“Da!” Mia calls, making me jump. This girl is too excited. I close the door and walk over to Zoe’s room, from where I can hear her dad’s voice. The door is half closed, giving onto her bed, and their cute moment together.

“Barium.” Mark says, sitting down on the edge of her bed, Prune curled up in his lap as he gives her lazy caresses. Zoe is snuggled up under her covers, listening closely. Mia is busy looking at whatever is over my shoulder, her pacifier keeping her quiet.

“Atomic number?” Mark questions.

“56.” Her answer is instantaneous. 

“Fusion temperature?”

She corrects herself immediately. Mark nods in approval.

Zoe is passionate about Astrophysics. She wants to be an astronaut, and something tells me she’ll end up being just that. She knows everything there is to know. She’s trying to understand all the equations of Einstein’s laws of relativity. Mark says she might just find out what black holes really are by the time she’s 30.

“Helium.” Mark trails off. She giggles.

“That’s too easy.” She says, and Mark chuckles.

“I was just playing.” He murmurs.

“What would happen if you rubbed a diamond ring on a rock of barium and threw it in a fire?” He asks. I feel so stupid around them. Mark is the only one who’s the closest to her IQ, and even him sometimes struggles to keep up.

“There would be a…green or yellow smoke?” She hesitates. Zoe doesn’t like to get things wrong.

“Green or yellow?” Mark presses.

“I don’t remember what color Barium salts are.”

“It would be a yellowish green.” He grins.


Mark chuckles at her expression, loving teasing her. He leans in and kisses her forehead tenderly. She mutters something barely audible.

“I’m glad you still let me give you kisses.” He murmurs, looking down at her.

“My emotional quotient won’t decrease daddy, you know.” She replies pointedly. Zoe’s right hemisphere is more performant than her left one. She has less emotions than most people, but still more than kids like her. She often is blunt and gets scientific when she shouldn’t, but it’s not her fault. She does her best not to make people uncomfortable, but she’s quite good at that. Mark doesn’t push her with that. He forgives her everything and feeds her intellect, even if sometimes he gets scared she’ll start being really marginal.

“I know, but when I was six I didn’t like kisses anymore.” Mark counters. She reaches up and touches his face.

“I like your kisses. I like mommy’s kisses.” She declares. I smile watching them.

“I like Tommy’s, Jacob’s and Kate’s kisses, and when Mia gives me kisses I’ll like them.” She continues.

“And I like my Grandmas’ kisses, and my grandpa’s kisses too.” She adds. Mark smiles fondly at her, like she’s the most beautiful treasure in the world. And she is. All of our kids are gemstones.

“You’re a precious kid, Zoe.” He says proudly.

Mia starts speaking gibberish again, pointing towards the scene unfolding in front of me. Mark and Zoe look up at us.

“Hi, mommy.” Zoe smiles to me. I push the door open and walk in.

“I came to say goodnight.” I declare, dropping Mia on the floor. She crawls over to Zoe’s bed, probably wanting to rip Prune’s hair off. I think Mia hates her. I kiss my daughter’s forehead.

“Goodnight, mommy.” She says.

“Goodnight, darling. I love you.” I murmur.

“I love you too.”

“Hi, sweetie.” Mark says, lifting miss sunshine into his arms once we’re out of our eldest’s room. Mia gives him a heart-shaped smile.

“She decided not to cooperate tonight.” I mutter.

“Did you, darling?” Mark coos before kissing her chubby cheek. She pushes against her father’s chest and holds herself up to look at me.  Her big, curious eyes get smaller and her mouth opens around her dummy.

“Don’t give me that look, Mia.” I scold playfully as she starts smiling at me.

“Don’t give me that sneaky look, because you’re meant to be asleep right now.” I accuse, poking her small nose. She giggles, amused. 

“It’s okay. Daddy will take care of you.” Mark declares, holding the baby up in the air before bringing her back down to kiss her. She squeals.

“She just had some milk, Mark. Be careful.” I murmur, and he doesn’t repeat his action, carrying her over his hip.

“I’ll get her to sleep so mommy and daddy can have some quality time.” He says confidently. Oh Mark, please do.

“We can directly go to bed, if you want. You seem tired.” I murmur.

“I am. But I really did miss you.” He says, slipping his hand into mine.

We play and entertain Mia downstairs until she tires. When she starts rubbing her eyes, Mark picks her up and cradles her against his broad and firm chest, gently patting her back until she falls asleep.

“I want to start aiming for a fourth.” He says to me as we sit next to each other on the sofa. Suddenly I feel tired.

“Boy.” I groan.

“Twins, this time.” He grins. TWINS?

“I’m not ready to have someone sitting on my bladder just yet.” I shake my head, whining. This man wants seven kids. Seven, freaking children. Does he think my uterus is some kind of factory?

Things are complicated enough with three kids and two busy parents.

“You don’t know how much I love this.” He starts. “Coming home to a warm house. Having them missing me and hugging me. I want more.” He says sweetly. I know he needs that. He’s in constant need of love, and children are programmed to love their parents unconditionally. His children are like a drug to him.

“They also poop, cry and pull your hair.” I remind him playfully. He chuckles, shaking his head. I twist on the sofa so I’m facing him and lay my head on the backrest, my face close to his.

“I get what you mean. I love our babies.” I say more seriously, reaching out and touching Mia’s soft cheek.

“But I need a little bit more time to breathe.” I murmur. 

“Mimi’s walking now. She’s grown up.” Mark retorts, pouting.

“She’s only eight months old.”

“Yesterday she was still looking like a squid.” He says, corroborating me. I laugh quietly.

“You guys need to leave my child alone.” I scold. She did look like a squid. She had huge eyes and almost no nose or lips, and she was all white and wrinkly. 

“Yesterday my mom actually sent me a message saying she had big ears.” I tell Mark, and he laughs with me. The sound, or the mockery, seems to disturb our sleeping beauty. Her face scrunched together, she starts crying.

“I’m sorry, Mia. I’m sorry.” Mark murmurs, patting her behind, but neither of us can’t stop chuckling. She goes back to sleep in a nanosecond, suckling on her dummy with sheer passion.

“She does have big ears.” I admit quietly. Mark snorts.

“Yes, she does. She’s got her daddy’s ears, and they’re adorable.” He says defensively, gently stroking her head. I feel sorry for her, but it actually makes me laugh.

“Aren’t they gorgeous, my darling? We love our ears.” Her dad coos, rubbing her lobe between his fingers. She coos in her sleep.

“When she was four months, my mom said she looked like me because we had the same haircut.” Mark confesses suddenly. I cover my mouth to smother my giggles. When I think about it, they really did look like each other. Sometimes I’d just look at her and go “where is your hair at on the sides of you head, girl?”

Thank god now she has a nice, black mane, with tiny pigtails.

“I still remember every birth in detail.” Mark muses, more nostalgic. I hum, laying my head on his shoulder and watching our latest work of art sleep peacefully, her dummy bobbing steadily.

“What do you remember from Zoe’s birth?” I enquire, looking up at hm.

“I remember everything.” He says confidently. Zoe’s birth was quite a moment. It was complicated, and beautiful, and emotional and so much joy.

“She was a day early. I was in panic. You were the calmest one.” He says accurately. I did my best to keep calm. I knew my body was made for this and that screaming and panicking would only worsen any problem that might occur. But I was nervous. God, I was so anxious inside. That’s part of why I was so quiet during the first twelve hours of labor.

“I remember being amazed by how you handled it. It couldn’t believe your body was made for this, that is was a natural process. That it was incredibly painful but meant to happen.” He explains to me, and I nod in agreement.

“And remember trying, trying, and trying, to somehow bear your pain.” He adds, a little bit more sadly. Mark was wonderful with me. He rubbed my back, fed me and held my hand all the way through. He never left my side, he encouraged me, he praised me and repeated just how much he loved me.

“But I couldn’t and I hated that.” He says quietly, turning his head to look at me. He places his hand on my knee and squeezes gently. I know even to this day, after 3 children, this is a part he still struggles with – seeing me in pain.

“I remember her first cry.” I murmur, hearing it in my head.

“She yelled like some crazy animal. It scared me.” He says, and I try hard not to burst out laughing. It’s true, it was loud and angry. She cried like that whenever she was hungry.

“She was so mad.” I muse, wiping tears of mirth from the corner of my eye. He smiles fondly at me.

“I was emotional when I first saw her. But it’s only when I held her for the first time that the magic happened.”  He murmurs, and I can tell the memory alone is making him emotion. I’ve never seen a man who loves his children more than Mark does. Not even my own dad. His love for them doesn’t only comes from his heart, but from his gut, from his core. It scares me sometimes, when I see him pout after Thomas denies him a kiss, because I know he’s not just pouting. It’s scary to imagine the depth of his love for them. They don’t know how easily they could hurt him, but I do. I have faith in him though, I know he’ll handle it well.

“I want a lot of kids with you.” He says to me, his eyes tender.

“I know.” I whisper.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I reply before giving him a kiss.

The next is a relaxed, sunny and lovely day. We spend all our day with the kids, picking up fruits in the meadow, playing and swimming and dancing.

Miss sunshine kept practicing walking and smiling, making both Mark and I’s heart melt into a gooey, sticky, sappy mixture.

“You gotta suck it in, son.” Mark tells his mini him. Thomas is trying bubble tea for the first time, and everyone his having a great time watching the show.

He pretends not to know how to use a straw, blowing instead of sucking, making bubbles and spilling it all over the kitchen counter. He’s being funny, as always.

“Oh, no!” He cries a substantial amount is spilled, and Mark, Zoe and I all laugh at him.

“Try to get a bubble.” Mark prompts, knowing he probably won’t like them. Thomas takes the straw out of the of the large glass, and just plunges his arm in.

“Thomas!” I exclaim, I chortle in surprise, Mia enjoying the show as well. Zoe facepalms herself, shaking her head. Thomas titters mischievously as he tries to catch a brown ball.

“I got one.” He prompts with a grin, pulling his arm out and showing it off. Mark struggles to recover. Thomas starts lowering his arm again.

“No, you have to eat-” Mark says, but Thomas just puts it back in the glass.

“Oopsies!” He sings, watching his dad cracking up. I shake my head slowly, strangely feeling proud of having such a crazy son.

“Come wash your hands, Tommy. You’re driving me crazy.” I murmur, motioning him to come to me with my hand.

“I’ll do it. We’ll clean your mess.” Mark chimes in, taking the helm. Zoe finishes the drink for her brother.

Mia starts to kick her legs impatiently, indicating she wants to walk around. I leave the three others in the kitchen and take miss sunshine to the living room so she can play on her matt.

The intercom rings before I can pit her down.

“Hello.” Walking over to the front door, I press a button to turn the camera on. A familiar face is looking straight at the camera, curious golden eyes looking ten times too big in his handsome face. Hus ravaging beauty, his dark and shiny hair is enough for me to recognize him despite the years. The shock knocks the air out of my lungs.

“Andy?” I utter, my heart almost stopping for a second. It starts accelerating, nervousness invading me.

“Yeah. Can you…let me in?” She asks, his tone not giving away his intention. What is he doing here? I haven’t seen him six years, not since Bea’s death. This man hates me.

And I let him in.

I press the burying before realizing what I’m doing. I take a step back, destabilized. Mark comes out of the kitchen wiping his hands, Zoe and Thomas running out in the direction of the meadow.

“Who is it?” He asks curiously, frowning when he sees my facial expression.


“What?” His face blanches. “You let him in? What did he say?”

I open my mouth to answer, but my throat is tight and no sound comes out. The doorbell rings, thwarting all my attempts at explaining myself.

Mark gives the door a mistrustful stare, his whole body tensing. It’s only at that moment that I realize it has been long since he was frustrated or stressed out.

He looks back at me, and I don’t know if he’s telling me to open it or to keep it close.

Curiosity takes the best of me, and I slowly pull the door open. Peeking, I see Andrew as I thought he would be: handsome. He’s aged, obviously, but in a good way. Before he was good-looking, because he was cute and muscular. Now he looks like a man. 

I can read the weight of his responsibilities written on his face. But it becomes even more clearer when I let my eyes travel down. He has his hands over a little boy’s tiny shoulders.

“Hi.” He says to Mark and I. The little boy as a big, curly mane of untamed black hair, and his eyes are deep pools of green. And I know instantly, I feel it deep down that the truth is written on the boy’s face. I refuse to believe though, because it doesn’t make sense. My mouth goes dry as I manage to tear my eyes away from the kid, looking back at Andrew.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, hearing my own voice trembling. He takes a sharp intake of air, running his finger in the boy’s hair.

“I wanted to introduce you to somebody.” He explains. My heart tightens painfully. It can’t be real. After Andrew says that, his own eyes start filling themselves with tears.

“Bea and I eloped a couple of weeks before she died.” He starts, the confession making my emotions surge and pool in my poor heart. I never knew about that. Bea got married and she didn’t tell me?

“As her husband, I had the right to use her eggs.” He says briefly. That explains the male photocopy of Bea looking up at Mark and I with curious eyes.

“This is Sasha.” Andy declares, his voice breaking a little. He brought him here so we could meet. I feel like I’m seeing Bea.

“Hello.” The little guy says confidently. Mia coos and babbles in the background. I kneel down to be at his level. He looks just like her, there is no doubt.

“Hi.” I murmur.

“Daddy, told me you knew my mom.” He says to me. He sounds confident when he speaks, he’s slightly frowning. People could think he’s mad, but that’s how his mom looked.

“Yes.” I concur quietly, still mesmerized by his face.

“She was my best friend.” I explain. “She looked just like you.” My voice dies in the back of my throat, and I know I probably won’t be able to go on. Watching her son is slowly opening my wounds again. I don’t want to start bleeding again.

“How was she? Daddy says she was complicated."  He replies, making me snort despite the tears welling up in my eyes.

"She was-” The words refuse to leave my throat. I can’t tell him about his mom when she dies because of me. He could know about his mother is she had been alive.

“She-” I try again, and Sasha tilts his head to the side. It’s too hard. It’s too painful.

“I can’t do this.” I sob, standing up and fleeing the scene cowardly. I leave Mark, Andrew, Sasha and Bea on the doorstep, unable to stand the pain letting them back in is causing me.

Mark’s POV.

My heart breaks for Abby when she runs away in tears. I know she wasn’t ready, and honestly, I wasn’t either. I knew about Sasha, just because I always keep an eye on my relatives, but I didn’t even try to know his name, since I never thought he would be part of my life.

Obviously, it’s a good thing that Andrew wants to make up after six years, but the initial shock is a little bit rough.

“I think we’re both kind of shocked.” I say on my wife’s behalf, Mia getting loud and impatient in my arms.

“What did I say?” Sasha asks, looking up at his father. This question alone shows how considerate he is at his young age. It reminds me of how Beatrice was with Abby. He takes so much after her, I understand how heart-breaking it is.

“Nothing, buddy. It’s not your fault.” I say reassuringly, crouching down to be at his level. He gives me a caution look, quickly getting distracted by miss sunshine who is pointing at him with her finger. 

“I can tell he’s a great kid.” I observe, looking up at Andrew. He gives me a small smile, emotion in his eyes.

“He’s wonderful.” He agrees. Mia squeals happily when Sasha gives her his index. She waves it around, her short legs kicking.

“I think our Mia is in love.” I say to myself. She better not be, because no matter how cute Sasha looks, I would fight him.

“She’s your second one?” Andrew asks.

“Third. After Zoe and Thomas.” I reply, standing back up. He gives me a small nod, his eyes darting behind me, maybe in hopes to catch a glimpse of our kids.

“When Abigail is ready, you’ll meet them all.” I promise. I could use another boy in the family. Between Zoe, Mia, Amelia and Alicia, I feel like we’ve become too much of a minority. Andrew nods, and pats his chest and pockets.

“Take my number.” He mumbles, fishing a business card out of his pocket. He hands it out, and Mia takes it, bringing it to her mouth.

“Thank you, Andy.” I murmur.

“See you, money bags.” He declares. Ah, there’s that nickname again.

“You say goodbye, champion?”

“Goodbye.” He murmurs shyly.

“Bye, Sasha.”

After a moment of trying to get my emotions back in place, I decide I need a moment to myself. I need to talk to Bea about what happened.

I know I probably shouldn’t have left Andrew and Sasha like that, but the shock was just too much, and now an hour later I still don’t know what to think.

“I don’t know why you’re doing this.” I tell her, staring at her picture. When I look at it, I realize she’s always going to stay young. She doesn’t age anymore. 

“Does it mean you’ve forgiven me? Or are just trying to hurt me?” I ask, confused and upset. Like an idiot, I wait for an answer. I shake my head, dragging a tired hand across my face to wake myself up. I close my eyes and take a deep, cleansing breath. 

“Sasha is a real jewel.” I murmur, opening them again. I’m sure she knows that, I’m sure she’s watching him from where she is.

“He’s kind and polite. And he looks just like you.” I add. I can only imagine how proud she would have been. Having such a precious child is a blessing. A blessing she will never enjoy.

“I wish you could have known what motherhood is like. Especially with such a great kid.” I say to her. She would have been a great mom. She would have done everything to protect her child. That’s the kind of person she is- a protector.

I can’t help but hurt when I think about it. Sasha is perfect, but it only reminds me that she’s not here. It’s a bittersweet sensation.

“Why now?” I ask, tears springing to my eyes. “Why did you come back into my life?”

I wait and wait from some kind of answer, even though I know it will never come. She will probably never tell me. Or I’ll probably never be able to understand the signs. 

“I never get any answers.” I complain. “I come here and talk to you like a crazy person, and you never give me any answer.”

I think, as hard as it is, I just have to go with the flow.

I’ll do my best to get to know Sasha, be a part of his life and tell him about his mother. It’s going to be so hard with that face constantly opening the wound in my soul, but it’s worth it. 

“So, I’m just going to do what I want know. I want to get to know your son. I want to be in his life.” I declare. And honestly, if it wasn’t what she wanted, it would have never happened. 

A deep feeling of calmness invades me. I know it’s going to be okay. I like the idea that she gave me permission. I like the idea that she might have forgiven me, even if it could not be the case.

Actually, I need to think like that. I need to convince myself she forgave me, because otherwise, I won’t be able to face his son. It may be delusional, but thatch ow I want to live.

“Mommy!” Thomas screeches when I walk through the door. He runs to me with a little sunflower in his hand. I kneel down and welcome him into my arms, needing to feel he short arms around me. He gives me a tight hug.

“Are you sad?” He asks when I pull away. I shake my head.

“I got you a flower.” He declares proudly, thrusting the plant in my face.

“Aw, thank you Tommy.” I murmur before kissing his cheek and take it from his hand.

“Hi, mommy.” Zoe says, walking over to me with Mark. She treats me with one of those rare hugs of hers. My heart feels too warm. It’s going to explode.

“You guys are going to make me cry.” I complain, uselessly getting emotional again.

“I got you a flower too.” Mark says quietly, holding a pink rose in his hand.

“Thank you.” I whisper, taking it and bringing it to my nose. He reaches out and runs his knuckles down my cheek in the most affectionate lanner, his fingers feeling warm although this summer is coming to an end.

“Do you feel better?” He asks me. Zoe wraps her arms around my hips and rests her head against my side, and I run my hands through her soft hair. I nod slowly.

“I have a nephew.” I say, more to myself than anyone else. I still can’t wrap my head around the idea.

“Did you know?” I ask suddenly. I thought Mark would have been watching them from afar, like he does with Thany. I thought he would have told me. I personally tried not to interfere or think too much about him. I would ask him not to tell me anything, because it was too hard to think about Andrew. He left Chicago for her and lost her, her parents didn’t approve when they found out, now he’s a single dad and he has no one here.

Mark nods quietly.

“But I didn’t look into it very much. I didn’t want… I didn’t look for his name or anything.” He explains, guilt in his voice.

"I see.” I murmur.

“You’re not mad?” He says as Thomas comes and hugs his leg. 

“No.” I shake my head. Why would I be mad? He knew I didn’t want to know what was going on.

“Can you guys go play in the living room for a bit?” Mark asks Zoe and Thomas. They obey without a protest.

“Where is Mia?” I ask as they exit the entry.

“She’s napping.” He says, before pulling my body against his. He curls his arms around my neck and holds me tight. I feel vulnerable again. I might cry. 

In fact, I don’t think I’m okay at all. With the kids and work, I learned how to recover quickly from my emotions, but this is going to take some time. And I need my husband.

I circle his waist with my arms, closing my eyes and letting him soothe me with the relaxing sound of his heartbeat.

Everything is going to be okay. He’s here and he won’t let this mess me up.

“Can you drop the kids at my parents’ house? I need some…quiet.” I mumble against his chest.

“For the weekend?" 

"We’ll go pick them up tomorrow.” I decide. I want this night for myself. I’ll let mark comfort me. Tomorrow I’ll be ready.

“Okay.” He agrees.

Mark drives to his mother’s house, which is 15 minutes away from our home, while I take a little moment for myself.

I give myself a treat: a bath.

I sink into warm water and just lay there for a moment, thinking about my life and my future.

My life brings me plenty of joy. I have an amazing husband, wonderful children, a job I love and that I’m good at. I slowly built my social life again, and now I have friends and I go out sometimes. 

My home is the happiest place I know. And Sasha will only bring more warmth to it.

As long as nothing harms my home, nothing bad can happen. I repeat that in my head several times, until the sound of the bathroom door being opened startles me.

Mark appears in the doorway, watching me quizzically. My shoulder sag under the bubbly water.

“I didn’t hear you coming.” He sighs. Mark closes the door and sits on the edge of the bathtub, looking down at me with soft eyes.

“My mom was happy to see Mia’s big ears.” He declares, making me smile. The grandmas are so mean.

“Can I join you?” He asks warily, as if I could ever deny him. It’s been long since we’ve had a night alone. Now that we have children, I almost never deny him intimacy. I crave it.

“Yes.” I reply instantaneously. He strips down in front of me, letting me admire his nakedness.

Mark is still very, very sexy. His tattooed arm has gotten even darker this past year, between birthdates and new names. He’s almost 39, and he has never looked more fine. 

I scoot forward and let him get behind me in the water.

“Mmmh.” He hums in a mix of pleasure and content, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to his chest. Skin on skin.

I realize just now how long it’s been since we’ve been intimate. I haven’t been naked like this, with so much if our skins touching for more than two weeks.

We’ve had sex, yes, but they were rushed quickies. We never have time to actually make love and rub oil on each other. When it happens, it’s magical.

“When was the last time we took a bath together?” Mark asks as I close my eyes. I put my hands on his knees make myself comfortable.

“Last week before you left we had a quick shower.” I remind him. He groans.

“It feels like forever.” He mutters, mouthing at my neck and jaw.

“Yes.” I agree, tilting my head to the side and giving him better access. His lips feel like feathers. It’s relaxing.

“I love you.” He murmurs. I feel his hands slide down my arms and over my hands, one of his thumb playing with my ring finger.

“I love you more.” I reply, my heart swelling. I tell myself this man is either crazy or wonderful. I’ve known him so desperate to be loved and intimate. I thought he would hate coming second behind the kids. I thought he would hate not being able to be intimate every day, but he’s okay.

Home. What having a home and what having kids gives him compensate for that.

We should have started earlier.

“You’re beautiful, sweet wife.” He murmurs, trailing kisses down my neck. I smile.

“Thank you, lovely husband.” I reply. He brings his lips to my ear.

“We’re going to have sex tonight, you’re conscious of that, right?” He asks me.

“You pig.”

“Ah, don’t pretend you don’t want my cock, you pervert.” He retorts before kissing my cheek. I open my eyes and look at our intertwined fingers and legs.

“Fiend.” I accuse.

“Sex addict.”

“Nymphomaniac bastard.”

“Cock fanatic.”

“Obscene old man.” I spit, and I’m rewarded by his thunderous laugh. I snicker with him. When our laughter dies down, he starts kissing my skin again.

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Abigail Tuan.” He murmurs quietly, and I know he means it. Before I would have analyzed and doubted each of his words, but now I don’t need to. I know he’s telling me he loves me.

“I thank god every day for making me come 5 minutes late into your class.” I reply, taking the back of his hand and bringing it to my lips.

There's this one song from La La Land (2016, movie) that I kept on listening over and over. 
It got me like crazy 'cause maybe I didn't expect Mia ( Emma Stone ) would sing that super meaningful song in an audition scene.
The song is just so meaningful and feels so special to me that it got me so bad, the song title is Auditon ( The Fools Who Dream ).
Maybe it got me ' cause I'm just a boy who's foolishly dreaming about wonderful and interesting yet unfamiliar and unfathomable matters.
6 movies I could watch anytime

Got tagged by: @zoemonroe , thanks Leila dear (also I liked your post and then forgot to actually do it, whoops ^^ )

  1. Sound of Music. Listen, I can’t properly explain my love for this movie but it’s very present. When I was younger I used to watch it on VCR (yes I’m that old) every time I would sleep over at my grandparent’s house (which happened on a regular basis). I honestly could watch it every single day
  2. Moulin Rouge. That tango scene blows my mind every single time I rewatch the movie. It’s simply amazing.
  3. Deadpool. Do I really need to give an explanation for this one? Exactly
  4. The Princess diaries (yes I put both of them, don’t give me that look). Look anything with Julie Andrews is amazing okay? 
  5. Mammia Mia. Meryl Streep singing and flirting with 3 men? Yes, please. I am a sucker for feel good musicals + I love ABBA
  6. Harry Potter = MY CHILDHOOD OKAY

Tagging: @skaihefamarcus @griffinskane @lenaluthorv @minerrvas @franklaurcl @elephant9998

anonymous asked:

Holy fuck I just saw clips of Mia, koichi, and Meto singing (well whistling but he was making sound lol) and who the fuck let Tzu be the singer when koichi and Mia's voices sound like angels sent from heaven above? I love Tzu but damn

Oh FYCK was that worms?

Me doing crap acapella

&&. soooo
in honor of my revamp I covered my (OBVIOUSLY) favorite
song from Heathers for like the billionth time but I figured,
hey, why not, since it’s a song so clearly linked to my blog
and such a key component to Vern’s character
              –here’s my shitty acapella attempt at seventeen


Here’s a video of me in full Veronica dress singing my
Heathers Ukulele Medley
yeah I know I look ridiculous and also gross
please forgive me this is a really sucky gift