I’m so tired of feeling like this, feeling like killing myself is the only option, like the only way to stop feeling pain is to stop feeling altogether.
It’s funny because when i was 11, i never understood why people would take their own life.
But now, at the age of 15, i finally get it. Suicide seems as if it’s the only way that i can be at peace. Everyone around me is draining me to the point where all i can say is i’m tired, i don’t think people realise it’s not the kind of tired that sleep can fix. It’s the kind of tired where you don’t have the energy to get up and do anything, even though you know you need to. Where you don’t care about anything, but at the same time you care too much. It’s like all i want to do is sleep, but every time i close my eyes i picture you there, and it hurts because it makes me realise that you’re not here, it makes me realise how lonely i actually am. I mean i have people that say they care for me and that they’re there whenever, but i know that’s all bullshit. No ones really down for you, unless there’s something in it for them. Everyone i put first, always puts someone else before me. And it sucks, but it’s gotten to the point where i don’t care anymore. I’ve gone numb to everything. But there’s days where some thing’s hit harder than usual and i can’t do anything except deal with it. Except i still haven’t learnt how to deal with it, so all i can do is try to block it out because it’s just easier, but i’m not good at that either.