:human

Have we told the aliens about capitalism yet? Because I think we need to.

“What do you mean you do not provide your young with sustenance at your institutions of learning?” Captain Caxalonix pressed. He had just seen the strangest story being broadcast by one of the human “news networks” as they called them. Now he was determined to get answers out of his two captives.

“Well, I mean, it hasn’t been proven that it is beneficial,” the blonde woman chirped. She seemed very pompous, much like the supporters of the fallen emperor LadDorm-Punt that Caxalonix and his men had recently disposed off on the planet of Xixatal. Not only that, there was something about her features. They seemed almost fixed in place. Artificial.

The other captive, meanwhile, was a younger woman and she looked about ready to strangle the blonde captive. The human species’ need to kill one another was such a strange facet of their people.

“So, your young can survive without sustenance?” Caxalonix pondered. “How strange. I cannot think of another species in any galaxy that shares such a trait.”

“Oh no no, they do need food,” the blonde hostage corrected.

“But…you said you do not provide it,” Caxalonix frowned, trying to puzzle out what strange human logic was at play here.

“Nope,” the blonde said cheerily. The younger hostage looked even more exasperatedly murderous at this point, and Caxalonix heard two of his soldiers muttering bets which of the two hostages would win in a fight.

“Well, your education must not be mandatory then, so that your young can stay home and get the sustenance they need,” Caxalonix surmised, proud of himself for figuring out what the human was talking about.

“Nope. Education is mandatory,” the blonde said serenely.

Caxalonix did not have the faintest idea what was going on anymore.

“So…your young are required to attend institutions that do not provide for their needs…?” Caxalonix said slowly, not believing this could be the case.

“It hasn’t been proven it is a need,” the blonde smiled.

“Wait, did we not already establish that it IS a need?” Caxalonix said.

“Stop asking her,” the younger woman said. “She doesn’t know what she’s saying, and listening to her is painful. No, providing food isn’t a requirement in schools, no the food isn’t free when we do provide it, yes kids need food, yes people think not providing them with it is okay. Welcome to the fucking United States on the planet Earth.”