It’s actually kinda hard when you’re out as gay irl but then try to explain that you’re also asexual.
Yes i love girls no i dont want to fuck them bc my brain just doesnt even comprehend that way.
“Have you tried?”
Yes ive actually attempted really shady hookups thinking if i just got it “over with” id be fine, and bailed bc sex freaks me out at worst, and at best im like “fuck, what am i supposed to do?” *pokes the titty politely*
“You need to try again”
Bruh. This isn’t for lack of trying.
“You need to try with someone who’ll show you what to do”
The thing is, I KNOW WHAT TO DO. I’ve written kinkier porn than you even know exists, I’ve set thousands of readers on fire, I’ve expanded the sex lives of strangers (literally), and irl im still like “oh fuck, this beautiful girl is naked beside me and this is extremely inconvenient.”
I researched sex at a young age bc I didnt get it. I started writing smut at a young age bc i was trying to grasp my mind around it. If i could understand it, I’d warm up to it. I can write really good shit that i KNOW is good bc ppl will tell me it’s top notch in the fandom, and I’m like “lol maybe?” bc i literally cant tell for myself and over fifteen years later I still 👏 cant 👏 grasp 👏 this 👏 shit IN REAL LIFE.
i used to think “why am i so bad at being gay?” until i discovered asexuality existed and everything finally clicked.
I can’t tell you how good that felt. And i still doubted myself for a long time afterward.
It’s hard enough that my OWN brain is still like, “but maybe if they are beautiful enough and patient enough maybe you’re just shy maybe youre just-” but i literally had my fucking soulmate send me nudes and there was zero pressure bc it was long distance and my reaction was literally “oh no, now i have to figure out how react correctly” and she was fucking gorgeous and i loved her more than anyone else, i thought we were going to get married. I hated being so uncomfortable or at best thinking “i could tolerate it for her” and i cried myself to sleep more than once bc I was worried she’d think i didn’t actually love her, so please dont talk over my experience, you dont know it.