::never stops crying::

It’s actually kinda hard when you’re out as gay irl but then try to explain that you’re also asexual.

Yes i love girls no i dont want to fuck them bc my brain just doesnt even comprehend that way.

“Have you tried?”

Yes ive actually attempted really shady hookups thinking if i just got it “over with” id be fine, and bailed bc sex freaks me out at worst, and at best im like “fuck, what am i supposed to do?” *pokes the titty politely*

“You need to try again”

Bruh. This isn’t for lack of trying.

“You need to try with someone who’ll show you what to do”

The thing is, I KNOW WHAT TO DO. I’ve written kinkier porn than you even know exists, I’ve set thousands of readers on fire, I’ve expanded the sex lives of strangers (literally), and irl im still like “oh fuck, this beautiful girl is naked beside me and this is extremely inconvenient.”

I researched sex at a young age bc I didnt get it. I started writing smut at a young age bc i was trying to grasp my mind around it. If i could understand it, I’d warm up to it. I can write really good shit that i KNOW is good bc ppl will tell me it’s top notch in the fandom, and I’m like “lol maybe?” bc i literally cant tell for myself and over fifteen years later I still 👏 cant 👏 grasp 👏 this 👏 shit IN REAL LIFE.

i used to think “why am i so bad at being gay?” until i discovered asexuality existed and everything finally clicked.

I can’t tell you how good that felt. And i still doubted myself for a long time afterward.

It’s hard enough that my OWN brain is still like, “but maybe if they are beautiful enough and patient enough maybe you’re just shy maybe youre just-” but i literally had my fucking soulmate send me nudes and there was zero pressure bc it was long distance and my reaction was literally “oh no, now i have to figure out how react correctly” and she was fucking gorgeous and i loved her more than anyone else, i thought we were going to get married. I hated being so uncomfortable or at best thinking “i could tolerate it for her” and i cried myself to sleep more than once bc I was worried she’d think i didn’t actually love her, so please dont talk over my experience, you dont know it.

Plow Stop Tips


So I consider myself pretty good at plow stops. Also, Dani asked me to teach her the ways of plow stops so I figured I would make a more comprehensible plow stop tip post here. 

  • A lot of skaters tend to spread their legs really wide when they plow stop. This doesn’t really help, because it is hard to get moving around with your legs and blocking, which is probably what you’ll need to be doing if you’re plow stopping in the middle of a jam. So avoid spreading your legs really far apart. 
  • Instead, try making your feet into a “v” shape, with your toes pointing in. It’s okay for your feet to be close!
  • It sounds (and most likely looks) silly, but it helps me and other skaters I know to put their hand sin front of them when they plow stop. When you plow stop, you want your feet to be in front of your body. Then the rest of your body will catch up, and you will be stopped. 
  • Try leaning against another skater, and getting the feeling of having all your weight back while your feet are in front of you in the correct position. Get the feel of a proper plow stop. The other skater can hold you steady while you plant your butt on her leg and get used to the plow stop form. 
  • Try going fast and then plow stopping! Plow stops are harder when you’re slow. You may fall, but it will help you in the long run! Falling is okay in derby. It means you are fully committing, which is important. 

I hope this helps!