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5

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i always get a little miffed when i see apollo refered to as “the only man artemis ever loved” because no he wasn’t there was this dude named orion who accidentally stumbled on her hunting camp one time and she got all “hey fuck off im not having any of your rapey shit” but he was just like “dude wtf no its night time in the forest and youve got a campfire i just want to get warm” and she was like “???? okay?? this is weird and i don’t trust you but whatever” and they got to talking and they became the bestest hunting buddies ever and then apollo showed up like “oh HELL no youre not having your way with my sister” and tried to kill orion but artemis was like “damn it you sunbaked asshole think before you attack do you really think i couldnt have killed this guy on my own if i wanted to? hes cool af okay ima be mad as hell if you hurt him” and apollo was like “oh okay i get it i have to be sneaky about the fact that im a jealous fucknut who wants to kill this dude just because youre hanging out with him instead of me” so he gave orion a dream where he got killed by a fucking 10 foot scorpion and when he woke up there was an actual 10 foot scorpion outside his house so he did what any reasonable motherfucker would do and grabbed his gods damn sword to try and kill it but it was too strong and it pushed him back into the sea so he just goes “fuck this shit ima swim for it” and then apollo went to artemis and was all like “hey i saw this dude rape and kill a girl and i could have killed him myself but i thought youd want to do it” and artemis is all “youre damn right i do” and she shoots an arrow through orion’s face from so far away that his head looked like a tiny dot on the water at which point apollo just starts laughing like “haha lmao you said i couldnt kill him so i got you to do it for me also btw i lied about seeing him do some shit see ya” and fucks off to leave artemis alone with her dead best friend so she does what gods always do when shit goes down and hangs orion in the stars and goes to kill the scorpion but you know apollo didnt like that too much so he tries to send his fuckening scorpion up there to get orion a second time but artemis fuckin swats it and the scorpion ends up on the other fucking end of the sky so it never comes anywhere near him and theyre not even up there during the same months so since orion’s up there trying to hunt down that fucking scorpion and it’s trying to obey apollo and kill him, they just chase each other in circles for all eternity BUT orion got the better end of that deal because his belt is one of the most recognizable asterisms in the sky and i fucking dare you to tell me what scorpio looks like.