99 restaurants

11.99

At my restaurant we have this very popular unlimited item. During lunch it’s 7.99 but during dinner it’s 11.99 and dinner starts at 4.

So I get sat this table at 4 and I go to greet them as usual. One of them is practically laying on the table and the other has her shoes off and I already know it’s going to be one of *those* tables.

Me: hi! How are we doing today?
*they continue to talk and completely ignore me*
Me: my name is ____ and I’ll be taking care of us today. What can I get us to drink?

They continues to talk and right as I was about to walk away, they roll their eyes and look at me and go “water with lemons and I mean a lot of lemons and a glass of wine. And don’t taken too long. We don’t have all day”

Ok whatever. So I go and grab everything and when I come back, one of them asks me about the popular unlimited entree.

Lady: where is the unlimited thing you have?
Me: it’s not on the dinner menu, but we do have it. However, because it is after 4, the price is 11.99 instead of 7.99.
Lady: SERIOUSLY?! JUST FOR THAT?!
Me: yes ma'am :)
Guy at the table: well we should get it for 7.99 because we have been at the table since 3:45
Me: no sir, you were sat right at 4. I can give you a few minutes to look at the menu if you would like?

He then waves his hand at me to tell me to go away.

Now. I COULD have given them the 7.99 price but they were dicks and when you’re a dick, I’m going to charge you for every little thing I can. Sorry not sorry

Anywho.

I go back after about 10 minutes to see if they’re ready to order.

Me: are we ready or do we need a couple more minutes?
Guy: well since it’s after 4 we had to change our entire order!!!

I just smiled and told them I’d give them a few more minutes.

I then found a night person to take them from me so I could go home because i don’t have the time or patience for this, introduce them to their new server, and grab my purse to leave.

On my way out, they glared at me the entire time. I waved at them.

Fuck off you toads.

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Conor Knighton kills it on this Jonathan Gold inspired rap track: “99 Restaurants”