95 degrees

but can we also just imagine a very realistic lizard toffee who:

-sheds his skin once a month or so and might try to hide it with hella moisturizer, or is just extra irritated and tries not to shed everywhere

-licks his eyeball but never fully registers that he does it bc it’s so habitual to him, but the first couple times no one knows how to respond or knows if they should point it out or not

-a monster accidentally steps on his tail while he’s walking and it just detaches. and toffee is either a little stunned because it hasn’t happened in a while OR he just sighs and rubs his forehead and goes, “It’s okay this…happens more frequently than you’d think.” and then just has a stub of a tail for a while.

-Keeps the thermostat at 95 degrees and has humidifiers in every room

-One day they can’t find him anywhere until one of the monsters sees him just crawling around on the ceiling

  • people who live in states with 4 seasons: i love autumn! sweater weather and hot cocoa are the best!
  • people who live in the Hell States: it was 95 degrees fahrenheit and dry on wednesday and on saturday it's going to rain
knoxville gothic
  • “did ya hear?” someone asks. “what?” you reply politely. “we’re gettin’ a whole foods!” it’s 5 years later. someone asks you. “did ya hear?” “what?” “we’re gettin’ a whole foods!” 
  • you’re sitting in traffic in a parking lot in turkey creek. It must be christmas. You’ve been sitting there for days. You’re growing old. Weak. Tired. They’ve built a chik fil a and a new vegan cupcake place around you the whole time you’ve been sitting in traffic. 
  • You’re driving down southerland. A man in a hoveround scooter waves politely. Then another. then another. then another. they all have the same smile. 
  • It’s 95 degrees in March. You’re talking to your friend’s mom when she says, “They’re expecting snow tomorrow y’all might get out of school.” It starts to snow ten minutes later.
  • Quentin Tarantino is in town. The air smells like a pile of burning mulch.
  • You see a picture of your friends at Dollywood. You turn on your tv and Dolly Parton says “Come to Dollywood in my hometown of Sevierville!” Her eyes are unblinking and smile unmoving. In the background you see your friends. You see all your friends. You see your neighbor. You see your family. Everyone you know is at Dollywood. Are they ever coming back?
  • You look up at the Sunsphere. You see a body, eyes, limbs reflected in the bright yellow surface. They’re not yours. They might be a group of kids from a UT exchange program. No. They’re Bart Simpsons. You notice the sunsphere is wearing a wig. “Welcome to the Wigsphere.” is written on the reflective panels. 
  • You drive to Happy Holler. No one has changed the signs since the 1960′s. You drive to South Knoxville. No one has changed the signs since the 1960′s. They all say “NO BODY DOESNT LIKE SARA LEE.” and “REPENT NOW TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN.” with your name written on the end.
  • You close your eyes. You see the scene from The Shining where the blood rushes from the elevators, except the blood isn’t red. It’s bright orange. Go vols. 

all these death note posts on my dash recently remind me of the time when i took my stepsister to this free fan event for the fault in our stars & we were outside in line behind this group of girls who were OBSESSED w/ nat wolff. they were super obnoxious & like screaming and yelling about it & when an event staff person came along & said they’d let a few of us go inside, the most obnoxious girl was like “i’m not going ANYWHERE because i want to be right here near the red carpet when nat comes by, i’m NOT missing him and y’all are stupid if you go in now!!!!!!!!”

so my stepsis and i were like “…..okay, bye?” and went on inside, and it turned out nat was already inside playing music onstage & had never done the red carpet at all lmao, that girl spent hours in like 95 degree F heat for nothing and then missed his performances by waiting oop

anyway long story short everyone involved was annoying & death note looks like a whitewashed mess?

I found this picture of Jon from right after we graduated high school and I have melted into a puddle. LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE BABY. HE IS SO CUTE!!! We were waiting to see Kanye in concert.

He mowed lawns and trimmed landscaping that summer, hence the tan and the BLONDE HAIR. I worried about him working outside in 95 degree heat so sometimes I drove around the suburb to surprise him with water and juice. It was cute. Or maybe… something a teenager stalker would do? Anyway!

95 Degrees, 73% Humidity, Heat Index of 105 Degrees…and TODAY of ALL days…helping a friend move #SideEye things you do as a #RideOrDie #boricua #boricuadilf #knowyournegros #menofcolor #brotha #blackdilf #blackdaddy #boricuadaddy #bear knowUrNegroes #DILF #scruff #gaybeards #MenOfColor #blackmen #blatino #Blackman #brotha #boricuadilf #knowyournegros #menofcolor #boricua #DILF #beardlife #gaydilf #gaybear #blackdilf #beardgang #beards #Bears #saltandpepperdaddy #saltandpeppergay #saltandpepper #dilfsofinstagram #menofcolor #boricuadaddy

southern gothic
  • a sixty year old woman with red hair smiles at you. she calls you sweetie. you forget any name you may have had before this
  • you pass a car with a romney bumper sticker. you pass a car with an nra bumper sticker. you pass a car with an anti abortion bumper sticker. it’s months later when you realize there was only one car.
  • you hear a “bang” from the house next door. you do not know if it was a firework. you do not know if it was a gunshot. you wonder if you really heard a noise at all.
  • “it is 85 degrees” you say. “it feels like 90 with the humidity” he says. “it is 95 degrees” you say. “it feels like 100 with the humidity” she says. “it is 110 degrees” you say. “it feels like 120″ with the humidity you say. there is no one else there.
  • you pass the same man every day. every day he is wearing a tank top with cut out sleeves. every day his sunburn is in the shape of a t shirt. you haven’t seen a t shirt in 17 years.
  • you turn the corner. there is a church. that wasn’t here yesterday. you walk a block. there is a church. that wasn’t here yesterday. you look down at your feet. you’re standing on a church. you ask yourself if that was here yesterday.