six things i wish he knew.
i. i knew that we wouldn’t have the chance of being together. the chance of us watching the fireworks display while holding hands in winter snow. i knew all those little sweet romance i always think about spending with you are just imagination of mine, as if it was only a dream, for she still holds a special place in your heart.
ii. call me crazy or obsessed but i always find myself smiling whenever i re-read our late night summer conversations. oh, how close we were those nights, like the cheerios cereal that seem to like each other.
iii. whenever i try to open up myself to you, it almost always seem like you don’t care. well, how do i even know whether you care or not right? i just asked myself an obvious question. of course you wouldn’t care, even though sometimes i feel like you do cause’ of the way you question me sometimes but you just try to hide it. i shouldn’t believe such false hope, though i wish you would care and tell me comforting words that “everything will be okay,” simply because you’re the only person i feel comfortable with. i wish you knew that.
iv. frankly speaking, i think at some point, even a tiny bit percent, you’d like me if you knew that all these notes and thoughts are about you. if you knew about my blog and how it’s all filled of my writings about you, would you end up liking me too? cause’ i can honestly write a whole essay about your imperfections that are perfect to me.
v. i wanna get to know you. i wanna know not only your favorites, but all those little things that can make you smile and make your heart thump so loud you won’t be hearing the words “I love you,” when i’m about to confess. i wanna know what makes you laugh so hard, what your blood type is, what your hands feels like when we’re holding hands, what position you sleep in, what saddens or breaks your heart and what you think about our world, the universe, puppies, cherry blossoms, poetry, art and perhaps the word “us”? i wanna know all these things. i wanna love you, and how i wish you’d love me too.
vi. i was gonna end this little love note about you, but it’s 2:20 am and i suddenly remembered those long call records we’ve had and how you would always play the piano. i suddenly remembered how softly you spoke my name when i took a 5 minutes nap that turned into a 15 minutes nap. your voice sounded so sweet to me through those phone calls. your voice, oh, how you sang to me keeps on playing in my mind as if it was a movie i have yet to watch. i miss those nights, those phone calls, and you. it’s funny that i miss you even though you’re here, we’re just not really close in person. i wish we are though, cause’ i always have this urge of hugging you and not letting go.
i wish you’d knew at least these six notes.