80s converse

  • American Organized Crime: Three men sit in a warehouse smoking cigars and playing poker on crates, one is named Vito, 80% of all conversation is about pasta sauce, bada-bing
  • Japanese Organized Crime: Fiercely Organized crime family owns billion dollar skyscraper, has public offices that openly admit being organized crime, you can go there and fill out a job application to apply, you need a high school diploma and three forms of ID
i’m ready to break, you’re ready to bend

for @eggo-my-leggo, thanks for motivating me ely :)

read on ao3

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Steve walked down the road quickly.  His eyes were burning, but he wasn’t sure how much of that was from the cold.  It was freezing, and he tucked his hands under his armpits before the fell off.  Winter in Indiana was always shitty, but in the evening it was even worse.

“Why the hell couldn’t you have grabbed your jacket, Harrington?” he muttered angrily at himself under his breath.

Keep reading

Things I’ve heard an ESTP say

“The truth is vital… without it we’re just animals having sex and doing drugs.”

“One time my friends and I were walking on the street and we saw a drug deal go down… it was awesome.”

“I’m a wise man.”

“I mean if you want we can just go out on the town and see if we get mugged or something, I think that would be pretty fun.”

“I wouldn’t mind working 9-5 so long as I make enough to pop bottles on the weekends.”

“I’m not as cold-blooded as you.”

“It didn’t seem like she was that into you. It was painful to watch. You trying and failing.”

“You see there’s like white girls as in caucasian women and then there’s white girls as in White Girls™ and that girl you like seems like a White Girl™. She’s cute though. If she were my cousin I would fuck her. No, just kidding. I would never fuck a cousin. She’s hot though.”

“Jokes should never be taken seriously. No one should ever be offended by a joke.”

“I don’t fuck with Bernie but if he gets elected he’ll do some legalizing of the devil’s lettuce and I think that’s pretty cool.”

“I just want to chill with a couple beers and watch Seth Rogan movies… that’s on my bucket list.”

“Seth Rogan seems like a chill guy… I want to get high with him.”

“I might join the military. I don’t want to go to war, I just want to fuck around with guns for a few years before working a desk job.”

“If you guys dressed as well as I did we would look much cooler walking around together. You need to get some swag.”

“I might just go get a refill without paying for it. Fuck the police.”

“One time we were just walking around and we found a car and the keys were in the car so we stole it and drove it around for a while.”

“Here, take some hair gel. [me: declines] [ESTP: stares at me, looks at my hair, then back at me] You sure?”

  • me, an avoidant: *never texts anyone first, takes actual weeks to answer a message, looks visibly uncomfortable during 80% of my conversations with people, tries to emotionally distance myself from everyone, gets into arguments with people to push them away, is only able to emotionally invest in approximately One person at a time*
  • me: haha what the fuck why does everyone hate me and not want to talk to me ??? a mystery

my reactions to people of various ages

1-3 – baby

3-5 - running baby

5-10 - kiddos, smarter than me

10-17 - children, protect them

18-22 - big kids, still need protecting

23-27 - needs help, help them, they’re all sad

28-36 - ?????? do y’all exist? not enough data tbh

37-56 - I don’t trust like 60% of you, esp the men, but 40% are my mom, every single nice woman in this age group is my mom, I have millions of moms

57-80 - good conversation buddies

81 -?? - needs help, help them, they’re all sad